Gameboard of the Gods (Age of X #1)(106)
Author: Richelle Mead

“Well, now it’s your time to shine. How do you feel? What do you feel?”

“Nothing. I feel empty.”

“That’s impossible after what you just heard. You have to feel something.”

She stared bleakly ahead. “Mostly I feel that I should’ve figured all this out on my own. Maybe I was naïve to think I could really be a natural nine and a professional castal athlete.”

She spoke as calmly as she could, even though she felt sick on the inside. Knowing she’d been conceived in a petri dish had never bothered her. Knowing someone had altered her DNA was an entirely different matter. Everything about her own body took on a sinister edge. Looking at her hands, she had a surreal sense that they were not truly part of her, as though they were foreign objects.

“Everything about me is a lie,” she told him.

“That’s not true.” He put an arm around her. “The beginning doesn’t matter. Where you are now is what counts.”

She leaned into him. “You do self-help now? In addition to prying into others’ secrets?”

“They’re one and the same.” She didn’t know if she agreed with that, but at least when someone knew almost everything about you, they could understand where you were coming from. It still didn’t change the awful truth.

“I was a commodity. Born for her own gain.”

“Not much different from being a stipend baby,” he pointed out.

“Oh.” She felt stupid for her misstep. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He looked her in the eye with that intensity that seemed to peer right into her very essence. She fell into it. There was no scam here, no schmoozing. “Look, I meant what I said. It’s where we end up. My mom had me to get some extra cash for her drug habit, and I became an academic turned government agent. You were intended to be some pretty, compliant little creature who could be sold off to breed the highest bidder’s children. Instead, you answered your country’s highest calling.”

“Guarding you?”

“That’s the second highest. I meant the part where you fearlessly walk into danger to further the RUNA’s glory. You turned it around, Mae.” He gently touched the side of her face. “You’re the one who took control of your life.”

His words wrapped around her, reaching a part of her that few ever acknowledged. The pain of what she’d learned still remained, but there, sitting with him, it lessened slightly. And like that, one of those boxes she kept her emotions locked in burst open. It was where she’d swept away all that desire from Panama, all the longing and infatuation for a magnetic man who’d made love to her with an assurance that wasn’t so much dominance as it was the claiming of something both of them sought.

Before she could change her mind, Mae leaned forward and kissed him. She’d intended it to be a sweet and simple gesture, but it hit her with the same intensity as their first kiss, sending fire through her from head to toe. It also lasted a lot longer than she’d expected. A lot longer.

“What was that for?” he asked when they broke away.

“Really? There’s something you can’t figure out?” She stayed close, close enough that she could see the individual lashes that framed his eyes and smell his cologne, which was probably the latest and greatest creation of some trendy designer.

He pondered for a few moments, unable to resist the challenge. “Is it because after a lifetime of having men fawn over you and promise devotion, I’m one of the few who actually doesn’t try to control you and even acknowledges that your own self-control is actually a positive thing?”

Mae shoved him away. “Damn it! Why do you have to ruin everything?”

He laughed and caught her hand, pulling them back together. “Does that mean I’m right?”

“Of course you’re right. You’re always right. Although, admittedly, I wasn’t really thinking of it in such clinical terms.”

His smile grew as he leaned toward her, and despite the anger and hurt she still carried from the aftermath of their last liaison, the feelings that had burst open within her remained. Suddenly, Justin faltered and let go of her hand. He averted his eyes and shifted away. “Well,” he said, voice neutral. “Glad to know my skills are still razor-sharp.”

Mae was at a loss. He wanted her, she knew it. Then, a smarting truth hit her, and she felt like an idiot. “Justin…I need to apologize for what I said a long time ago. The whole thing about ‘someone like me’ and ‘someone like you.’ Obviously, you know now about my nonexistent Nordic dating habits. I just lashed out at you then because I felt hurt and humiliated over what I thought was some scheme of yours. I don’t believe that anymore. I know you weren’t using me.”

A flash of pain crossed his features, gone as quickly as it appeared, and he gave her a small smile. “Yeah, but I’d be using you now. You just had your whole world rocked—badly—barely an hour ago. That’s not going to go away if you get your world rocked in a different way. Passion born from emotional upheaval never ends well.”

She slinked over to him again, resting her hand on his leg and curling her fingers into him. “Maybe I’d be using you. You of all people understand the need to stop thinking for a while.”

“Yeah, and that philosophy landed me in the hospital,” he said. Despite the flippant tone, there was a tension in his body and a catch in his breath that told her he wasn’t unaffected here.

Mae was undaunted, absolutely confident of how this would end. She moved up on her knees and cupped his face in her hands. “Be my drug,” she said in a low voice. “Help me forget.”

His hands wrapped around her waist, then slowly slid down to her hips. Such a small, subtle touch, but it was exactly the kind of thing prætorians lacked. For Mae, in that moment, it was almost more powerful than if he’d simply thrown her down on the bed.

Indecision burned in Justin’s eyes. It was a rare moment in someone usually so overconfident. “Mae…this is a bad idea….”

She lowered her lips to his ear. “We can leave the lights on.”

That undid him, and seconds later, they were both trying to pry each other’s clothes off. And as Mae had hoped, she did forget. He became her drug, making her drunk with a desire she hadn’t felt in a very long time. She wanted him so badly, it hurt.

The fallout from today’s disastrous revelations vanished, and all that mattered was the warmth of his skin and the way he felt against her. She met his mouth with another kiss, nearly dizzy with the heat and desire coursing through her. She’d forgotten how gorgeous his body was, how deceptively strong it was underneath the expensive suits. Her body demanded his, and her mind demanded release of a different sort, a freeing from everything that had been weighing on her.