Gameboard of the Gods (Age of X #1)(80)
Author: Richelle Mead

“Because you couldn’t explain what you saw.”

“Well, that, and because the ravens never left me.”

She waited for more, but it didn’t come. “You said they vanished.”

“They did—in physical form. But they went in here.” He tapped his head. “They live here in my mind. I don’t see them, not exactly, but I feel them there. They’re with me all the time. They talk to me. They want me to swear fealty to their god, but I dodged it with a, uh, technicality.”

“Justin…” Mae was floored. She had no ability to deal with something like this, except to suggest he completely stop all drugs and alcohol. Her earlier outrage was gone. Now she felt sorry for him. “You can’t…you must be mistaken. You went through a lot. If you thought you saw them that night, then maybe you…I don’t know. Maybe you convinced yourself they were real and just developed some kind of…” She hated to use the word, but there was no other. “Delusion.”

He collapsed back against the bed and laughed without much humor. “Oh, believe me. You have no idea how many times I told myself that. How many times I still tell myself that. I didn’t mention that in the report, though. I wasn’t that crazy. That one line got me into enough trouble, enough to get me exiled. Imprisoning me was too dangerous. What if I told someone else about what I’d seen—or thought I saw? They just had to get rid of me, get me away from honest Gemmans altogether. Three days after I filed that report, I got a military escort to the airport and was told to pick a place to go. ‘Anywhere but here,’ they said.”

There was an earnestness in his face and more of that desperation from earlier. Whatever was going on here, Justin believed it was true. Mae didn’t. She couldn’t because she didn’t believe the world had things without explanation.

“Justin, I don’t know what to say.”

“You think I’m crazy. I’ve thought about it myself.”

“No…I think you’re dedicated and astute and actually kind of brilliant. But you went through a lot.”

“The ravens are real,” he said adamantly. “I don’t understand the how or the why, but they’re real. I denied it for a long time, but they’ve been with me for four years. They know things that I couldn’t possibly know.”

Just because something had been with you for four years didn’t mean it was real. If anything, Mae just thought it was proof of a serious problem. Unwilling to say so, she switched subjects as a realization hit her. “SCI already knows about your beliefs.”

“Well, not all of them.”

“But the report is why Cornelia wanted you back?”

“It’s why Francis did,” Justin said. “They don’t understand the video, and he must’ve read the report. He’s a believer in something—I can spot that stuff—and figured maybe the only servitor who has gone on record contradicting his job’s premise might be able to do something on a case that defies the RUNA’s founding principles. That, and I’ve seen other things….”

“Like what?”

“Things I can’t explain. Feats of power. People like Callista.”

Mae didn’t really find Callista to be proof of a higher power. “What’s so special about her?”

He studied her. “You don’t see it? It’s hard for me sometimes, I guess. Some can hide it. But there are people out there who sometimes shine with power. Every once in a while, if I look just right, I can make it out.”

The words sent chills down her spine. “What kind of power?”

“I don’t know. Callista was the first person I ever saw who manifested that—and it freaked me out. I didn’t know what to do. It was why I didn’t write her up.”

“Was that why you slept with her?” Mae asked archly.

“I slept with her because she was hot and wanted me. Maybe we’re dealing with the supernatural, but I’m still human. I never told Cornelia about Callista, but I occasionally hinted at some of the other things I saw—off the record. Cornelia told me to forget about them and didn’t seem to think they were a big deal, at least until I put one of them in writing.”

Mae mulled over the subtext. “Are you saying the head of SCI believes there are higher powers at work in the world?”

“I don’t know if she believes in them, but she knows the reports are out there. And even if she doesn’t like it—or me—I’m here because they’re grasping at straws.”

Numbed, Mae lay down beside him and stared at the ceiling. Such an amazing mind…bogged down by delusion. It was a pity. But then, after what he’d gone through, how could he not be scarred? Which now left her with a problem. What did she do with everything she’d learned? Because she’d learned a lot. There was an unlicensed cult stockpiling weapons in Mazatlán, as well as a priestess with information about other unlicensed groups. There was a servitor who believed he had supernatural creatures living in his mind and who had all but admitted to a belief in gods interfering in mortal lives. Of course, if what he’d said was true, SCI might already know where his beliefs were…but did they realize the extent? Would they care? They would probably care that he wasn’t reporting dangerous factions.

“What are you going to do?” asked Justin quietly, guessing her thoughts.

“I don’t know.”

“Horatio tells me you have a lot of control right now.”

“Who?”

“One of the ravens.”

“That’s his name?” she asked. “Horatio?”

“I didn’t give it to him. The other’s Magnus. But he’s right. You can make or break me, Mae.”

She pondered it for several more moments. “I want you to break this case. And right now, no matter how, um, confused you are, I still think you’re the only one who can do it.”

He turned to her and smiled. “You’ve got a lot of faith in me.”

“Faith in your powers of observation and deduction. I don’t know about the rest.” Some of Callista’s words came back to her. “What did Callista mean when she was asking who’d chosen you? Did she mean the ravens?”

“No.” His smile faded. “According to them, they’re just the messengers—of the god I gave the apple to. I’m supposed to follow him.”