Golden Fool

Beyond Bingtown, leave the safety of the inner passage and take your ship out Wildside. Better to brave the storms and harsh weather than to tempt the pirates, serpents, sea maidens, and Others of those waters, to say nothing of the shifting bottoms and treacherous currents. Make your next trade stop Jamaillia with its many raucous ports. Again, keep a tight hand on your crew, for they are known to steal sailors there.

— CAPTAIN BANROP’S “ADVICE TO MERCHANT MARINERS”

I left Prince Dutiful a note on the table in the Skill tower. It said only “Tomorrow.” Before the dawn watch had changed, I was standing outside Master Gindast’s establishment. The lamplight from the windows sliced across the snowy yard. In that dimness, apprentices crunched along the footpaths, hauling water and firewood for both the master’s home and his workshop and clearing snow from the canvassed tops of the wood stockpiles and the pathways. I looked in vain for any sign of Hap amongst them.

Light had brought color to the day when he finally appeared. I could tell at a glance how he had spent his night. There was a gleam of wonder in his eyes still, as if he could not grasp his own good fortune, and an almost drunken swagger to his walk. Had I shone like that the first morning after Molly had shared herself with me? I tried to harden my heart as I lifted my voice and called out, “Hap! A word with you.”

He was smiling as he came to meet me. “It will have to be a short one, then, Tom, for I’m already late.”

The day was blue and white around us, the air crisp with chill, and my son stood grinning up at me. I felt a traitor to all of it as I said, “And I know why you’re late. As does Svanja’s father. We were looking for you last night.”

I had expected him to be abashed. He only grinned wider, a knowing smile between men. “Well. I’m glad you didn’t find us.”

I felt an irrational urge to strike him, to wipe that expression from his face. It was as if he stood within a burning barn and rejoiced at the heat, unmindful of the peril to himself and Svanja. That, I suddenly knew, was what infuriated me, that he seemed completely unaware of how he endangered her. An edge of my anger crept into my voice.

“So. I take it Master Hartshorn didn’t find you, either. But I imagine he’ll be waiting for Svanja when she gets home.”

If I had hoped to dampen his reckless spirit, I didn’t succeed. “She knew he would be,” he said quietly. “And she decided it was worth it. Don’t look so serious, Tom. She knows how to handle her father. It will be fine.”

“It may be any number of things, but I doubt ‘fine’ will be one of them.” My voice grated past my anger. How could he be so cavalier about this? “You’re not thinking, boy. What will this do to her family, to their day-to-day life, to know their daughter has made this choice? And what will you do, if you get her with child?”

The smile finally faded from his face, but he still stood straight and faced me. “I think that’s for me to worry about, Tom. I’m old enough now to take charge of my own life. But, to put your mind at rest, she told me that there are ways women know to keep such a thing from happening. At least, until we are ready for it, until I can make her my wife.”

Perhaps the gods punish us by bringing us face to face with our own foolish mistakes, condemning us to watch our children fall into the same traps that crippled us. For all the sweetness of the secret hours I had shared with Molly, there had been a price. At the time, I had thought that we shared it, that the only cost was keeping our love secret. Molly had known better, I am sure. She had been the one to pay it, far more than I had. If Burrich had not existed to shelter and shield them both, my daughter would have paid it as well. Perhaps she still would, in her differences, in the dangers of being a cuckoo’s nestling, unlike her brothers. I wondered if I could warn Hap, if he would listen to me, as I had not listened to Burrich or Verity. I pushed my anger aside and spoke out of my fears for them both.

“Hap. Please hear me. There are no safe and certain ways for a woman to avoid conceiving. All of them have a risk and a price to her. Every time she lies with you, she must wonder, Will I conceive from this? Will I bring shame to my family? You know I would not cast you from my household for any mistake you made, but Svanja’s life is not so certain. You should protect her, not expose her to danger. You are asking her to risk all, for the pleasure of being with you, with no guarantees. What will you do if her father turns her out? Or beats her? What will you do if she suddenly finds herself ostracized and condemned by her friends? How can you be responsible for that?”