Good For You
“I need a minute or two.” Something in my expression must disclose my worry because his hands come up to surround my face. He closes his eyes and takes a deep, slow breath and then he looks at me more earnestly than he’s even done. “I want you too badly. I need time to cool down, because I want to be inside you.” Relief floods through me, fil ing me with the courage I lacked moments ago—short-lived, existing just long enough to force out four smal words, barely audible, that could change everything between us.
“I want you to.”
Chapter 44
REID
“What?” I lean back, cup her chin in my hand. “What did you say?”
She closes her eyes because I won’t let her hang her head, won’t let her turn her face away. “I said I want you to,” she murmurs.
Everything goes silent then. The echo of our breathing, so thunderous just a moment ago, fades. “Dori. I didn’t mean to imply that I can’t control myself. We don’t have to have sex.”
I brush her hair back on one side, checking her mood-displaying ears. Her rosy, tel tale ears. Her voice is just above a whisper, her eyes stil closed. “I’m not—I’m not a virgin, Reid. So… it doesn’t matter.”
Yeaaaah… probably best if I don’t tel her I figured that one out a while back. But— it doesn’t matter? What the hel does that mean? “It matters to me.”
Her eyes pop open and her mouth works for a moment, and final y she says, “Oh. I understand.”
I’m trying to read this, attempting to avoid a misstep with her, and for a moment I think she’s shifting—her foot’s gone her, and for a moment I think she’s shifting—her foot’s gone to sleep or her knees are locking. Then I realize she’s pul ing away, and she’s almost ful y standing before I grab her wrists. “You do not understand.” Pausing in her effort to escape, she inhales a shaky breath. “I’ve misrepresented what I am to you, to my parents, to everyone.” Her eyes brim with tears. “I’m a total fraud.”
“What, because you’re not a virgin? ” I sputter. “Dori, I of al people would never hold that against you. How hypocritical do you think I am?”
Her brow puckers, a wave of tears cascading down her cheeks, and I don’t want to talk anymore. I want to pul her back down onto my lap and kiss her until she can’t think of anything but me, and us, and what she wants right now.
“But you said it matters—” she sucks in a smal sob.
“Yes, it matters, goddammit.” I stand and take her face in my hands. “It matters that you never throw yourself away on someone you don’t real y want just because of some archaic black and white concept of morality. I don’t care if you’ve slept with one guy, or dozens.” She winces and I hold her steady. “You’re a good person, Dori.” She tries to move her head side to side in my hands and I won’t let her so she closes her eyes. “I’m not.”
“Oh yes, you are.”
She sucks in a shaky breath. “You aren’t…
disappointed?”
I shake my head. “What? No. At times like this, I’m confused. And sometimes, when you leave, I’m frustrated as hel . But disappointed? Never.”
“I don’t understand.” She blinks up at me with her big Bambi eyes.
“Like I said.”
Pushing my hands through her hair, I pul her closer, and she leans into me. My thumbs sweep the remaining wetness from her cheeks. “Do you want me, Dori—or do you think having sex with me seems like the only honest decision to be made?” My thumb grazes across her mouth as the tip of her tongue snakes out to wet her lips—running over the sensitive pad of my thumb. It takes every scrap of self-restraint I’ve got not to crush her to me and forget this entire conversation.
She stares at her hands, curled against my chest. “Is it…
horrible… if it’s both?”
I exhale. “Not horrible.” But not okay, either. “Come here.” I sit back down, and she sits next to me, turned towards me, knees under her chin, feet hooked under my thigh. My fingers run lazy patterns over her hands, down her shins through her jeans, swirl around her bare ankles. She shivers once and waits, looking at me.
“Look, we don’t have to talk about—” Other guys? Your sexual history? “—the, uh, specifics of anyone who came before. I could tel you that everyone makes mistakes… but I can’t say that guy, or those guys, were mistakes for you.” Brows creased, she doesn’t reply. “Driving drunk and slamming into someone’s house— that was a mistake. You were exploring your body. Learning about yourself.”
“It was one guy,” she says, her voice breaking, and I feel like a total shit that this disclosure makes me euphoric.
“And then one day… it was just over. And I don’t know why, or wh-what I did wrong. I was s-so stupid.” God, guys are dicks. “Dori, you trusted him and he hurt you. He didn’t stick around, he lied, he made you feel used because you cared more than he did… and that misplaced trust felt like one huge mistake. But believe me, it was his mistake. Not yours.”
“Reid…” She buries her head beneath my chin, her body folded up like she’s trying to crawl inside of me. “He… he…
I…” Her breathing is quick and shal ow and I’m scared to death of what she’s going to say, because so help me God, if she tel s me that guy forced himself on her, I’l have no choice but to find him and kil him.