Happenstance 3 (Happenstance #3)(18)
Author: Jamie McGuire

The room was quiet. The television was dark. Peter and Veronica were still at work. The basement felt a mile underground instead of just downstairs. But still, he wanted to tell me whatever he had been holding back in the privacy of his space, on his turf, where he felt safe and in control. I swallowed. For the first time, I felt scared of what he was about to say.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I asked.

He made a disgusted face and turned away from me, shaking his head. “You would have to be my girlfriend for me to do that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I said, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Every inch of my skin felt raw, like the scars I’d built up over the years had just disappeared, leaving me defenseless.

Weston was instantly sorry for his comment, grabbing my hands. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant that you aren’t really mine. At least, that’s how it feels.”

I stood up. “Then, what are we doing?”

Weston coaxed me back down to sit next to him. “I’m saying this all wrong. I’ve been going over what I would say all day…all week, and I’m still screwing it up.”

“Screwing what up? What is going on with you?”

He took a deep breath. “It freaks me out when you talk about August. I think about our relationship existing on the phone and holidays, and it freaks me the eff out, okay? I thought maybe…I was thinking I could enroll at OSU. Then, maybe if I’m there at O-State with you…”

“What?”

“Then, this morning, you…I remembered…”

“Remembered what?”

He breathed out like he’d been punched in the gut. “You don’t need me, Erin. And that scares the hell out of me.”

I thought about his words. He looked wounded, and even though I wanted to be truthful, it was dishonest to hurt the man I loved.

I carefully chose my response. “What makes you think I don’t need you?”

He looked away. “You don’t need anyone. I was…I’m too late. I waited too long. You’ve had to build walls. You’ve made plans for your future that don’t include me. Maybe it’s pathetic that I’m thinking of ways to keep from losing you, but I’m finally where I want to be.”

“You want to be in Dallas.”

“I want to be with you.”

“Weston, couples go to different colleges all the time. It’s going to be an adjustment, not seeing each other as much, but it won’t be the end of the world.”

“See?” This time, he was the one standing up. He pointed at me while pacing. “That. That right there. Yes, I’m worried about going in different directions, that we’ll grow apart, that you’ll meet someone new. You’re not?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“The fact that you’re not worried about it kills me, Erin. It makes me wonder if you love me at all.”

The skin around his eyes was tight, and I could see his pulse throbbing on one side of his neck.

“You want me to make promises I can’t keep. You said we would wing this together. I’m winging it. I don’t know what has changed—or why.”

He grabbed the remote off the table and chucked it across the room. The black plastic exploded into a hundred pieces, bursting in every direction. I jumped, covering my nose and mouth with my hands.

Weston clasped his fingers at the crown of his head while he continued to pace back and forth, his cheeks flushed with frustration. “We’re a little past winging it, Erin! Don’t you think? I mean, what is this to you? Are you just passing the time until you leave for college?”

“No!” I said.

I was half-insulted but also half-desperate to make him feel better, to calm his fears, but neither one of us knew what would happen for sure. He would know I was lying if I tried to say otherwise.

I stood, pulled his hands from his head and wrapped his arms around me. “Stop! Stop.” I tried to keep my voice low. I pressed my cheek against his chest, making the subtle wheezing in his lungs more noticeable to me, and it worried me.

He looked down into my eyes, searching for something. “Are you set on OSU? The University of North Texas is not even an hour away from where I’ll be. It’s one of the largest public universities in the nation. Next year, we could find a place somewhere in the middle—”

I shook my head. “I’ve already been accepted. I haven’t even applied to UNT. The out-of-state tuition would be ridiculous.”

“Sam and Julianne are paying, remember? UNT is a great university that offers everything OSU offers. There’s not an Art Institute near Stillwater. Just apply, and—”

“I’m not going to gouge my parents, so I’ll be more conveniently located for you.”

“For me?” he said, incredulous.

“And now you’re talking about moving in together? In a year? I think I would have been more prepared for you to break up with me.”

Weston’s mouth fell open, and I winced with regret.

“I’ve wanted to go to OSU my entire life, Weston. Please try to understand that.”

“I’ve been in love with you my entire life.”

I sat on the couch and covered my face with my hands. After several moments of silence, I looked up at him. He hadn’t moved.

“What is this? An ultimatum? If I don’t go to UNT, what then?”

He sat next to me. “It’s not an ultimatum. I was hoping you’d be excited. You haven’t decided on a major. I just don’t see why you can’t go there instead. If you’re wanting to get out of Blackwell, I can promise you that you’ll run into a lot less people at UNT than you will at OSU.” When I didn’t respond, he continued, “Did you know that Brady’s going to OSU?”

“No, he’s not,” I said, shaking my head.

“The Becks are OSU alumni.”

“That doesn’t mean that he—”

“He’s going to OSU, Erin. He’s been accepted. He’s going. And I can’t protect you from him if I’m in Dallas.”

“It’s a big campus.”

“Erin—”

“No. You’re not going to scare me into doing what you want. I’m not afraid of him. I’ve never been afraid of him—or anyone.”

“Then, what’s the point? What does it matter if you leave Blackwell when you’ll be dealing with the same people?”