Happenstance 3 (Happenstance #3)(20)
Author: Jamie McGuire

“He doesn’t have to understand,” Sam said. “I’m not apathetic to his feelings. I recognize his fear. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I were in his shoes,” he said, looking lovingly at his wife. “I’m sure it’s worrisome, not knowing what might happen when you feel strongly about someone. But he has to let you go, Erin. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.”

“He doesn’t have to let her go,” Julianne said. “They can make it work, if that’s what they both want.”

I nodded.

“Is that what you want?” Julianne said.

“I love him. But I love me, too.”

Julianne sighed and walked the few steps to pull me into one of her amazing hugs. “As you should.”

“He’ll be okay,” Sam said. “I have a feeling he’s anxious about a lot of things. He’s got some big changes coming up. You both do.”

Julianne gave me one more hug before releasing me. She straightened the tassel hanging from my hat and smiled. “Maybe you could go over there before we leave. Cheer him up. It should be a happy day.”

I nodded and walked past her and Sam to the hall, and then I descended the stairs. The front door whined as it opened, and I stepped out into the bright sunlight. With every step I took, my heart felt heavier, and my head felt fuller with thoughts of what to expect when I walked into the Gates’ home. Sam’s and Julianne’s words stuck to the inside of my mind, repeating to the beat of my steps.

He’s upset.

You shouldn’t change your mind for anyone.

It’s worrisome.

He doesn’t have to let her go.

Is that what you want?

He’ll be okay.

I knocked on the thick wooden door and waited. After a full minute, no one came, so I knocked again. I waited, and nothing happened.

I turned the knob, and I could hear voices coming from the back of the house, probably the living room. I walked in and closed the door behind me.

Weston’s words blurred together. His voice was raised. Peter and Veronica were trying to reason with him. He was more than upset.

“Can you just try to enjoy the day?” Veronica pleaded. “You’re not just ruining it for yourself, Weston. You’re going to ruin it for her.”

“This isn’t your last day with her,” Peter said, his voice strained. “You’ll have the whole summer.”

“Is that what Sam and Julianne said? Do they know something?” Weston said.

“No,” Peter said. “Weston, calm down. You’re getting yourself worked up.”

I heard a rattle, and then Weston took a puff of his inhaler.

“This is it,” Weston said, sounding broken. “I waited too long. We didn’t have enough time.”

“Enough time for what?” Veronica asked.

“For her to have strong enough feelings for me. She doesn’t feel the way I do.”

“Weston, you’re eighteen. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you,” Peter scolded. “Erin’s a sweet girl, but she’s not the only girl. If she moves on, then you can, too.”

“You don’t get it,” Weston said. “You just don’t get it. If you had ever loved Mom the way I loved Erin, you wouldn’t say that to me.”

“Weston!” Veronica screeched.

I turned into the bathroom and pressed my back against the wall. If they knew I had heard their conversation, they would be embarrassed, and so would I. I had to get out of there before they realized I had let myself in.

Weston’s next words were muffled.

Then, Peter spoke, “I know that it’s better to feel that kind of love for even a little while than never at all. I also know if you keep pushing this, you’re going to push her away.”

As I crept down the hall, Weston spoke again, “I can’t help it. I love her. I’ve always loved her. I don’t know what it is like not to. Now that I know what it’s like to be with her, I’ll never get over it. I don’t think I should. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to let her go. But why would I do that to myself? I already know what it feels like to suffocate—to suck in a breath and not get enough air, no matter how many times or how deep. You say I’m being melodramatic, that I’m overreacting, but I know what dying feels like, and I’ve felt it more than once. This…this is worse.”

I slipped out of the front door and covered my mouth, reaching for the iron railing just as my knees gave way. Every faltering breath that filled my lungs made me think of his words and the agony and panic in his voice.

After taking a few minutes to gather myself, I balled my hand into a fist and banged against the wood. Weston had been looking forward to these last days of high school, and I wasn’t going to let him regret anything. Even if I was the only one still winging it, he needed to hear a few simple words from me, and I would say them—words that I was afraid to say out loud, but that didn’t make them any less true.

When no one came to the door, I rang the doorbell, listening to what sounded like cathedral bells pealing an intricate tune.

Veronica answered the door, her expression tired. “Erin,” she said, relieved.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

She stepped to the side and opened the door wider. “Yes, please. He’s in the family room.”

I rushed down the hall, past the basement door and the kitchen, and I abruptly stopped five feet from Weston. His back was still turned.

“Weston?” I asked, unsure if he even wanted to see me.

He turned. His eyes were red, his cheeks flushed. “Did they tell you to come?”

I shook my head, hoping he would believe the lie. I didn’t want to upset him further. “I wanted to see you.”

“Not like this. I’m a freakin’ mess.”

“You’re nervous. We all are. It’s okay.”

He hooked a couple of his fingers on each hip and stared at the floor. His chest rose with each deep breath he took as he attempted to calm down. “I feel crazy sometimes. I mean…I knew I was crazy about you, but…damn it. I can’t control this. It’s scary as hell.”

“Talk to me,” I said.

“It’s the end, isn’t it? We’ve got a few weeks of summer left, and then it’s over.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Why won’t you believe me?”

His eyes danced around the room, finally settling on me. “I’ve been waiting, listening, watching. I’ve been hoping you’ll say what I need to hear. I don’t even know what that is, Erin. Every passing day just makes me feel worse.”