Hold Tight

TIA opened the door before Betsy Hill had a chance to knock and asked without preamble: "Do you know where Adam is?"

The question startled Betsy Hill. Her eyes widened and she stopped. She saw Tia's face and quickly shook her head. "No," she said, "I have no idea."

"Then why are you here?"

Betsy Hill shook her head. "Adam is missing?"

"Yes."

Betsy's face lost color. Tia could only imagine what horrible memory this was conjuring up. Hadn't Tia thought before about how similar this whole thing was to what happened to Spencer?

"Tia?"

"Yes."

"Did you check the high school roof?"

Where Spencer was found.

There was no argument, no more discussion. Tia called out to Jill that she'd be right back-Jill would soon be old enough to leave alone for brief spells and it couldn't be helped-and then both women ran toward Betsy Hill's car.

Betsy drove. Tia sat frozen in the front passenger seat. They had driven two blocks when Betsy said, "I talked to Adam yesterday."

Tia heard the words, but they didn't fully reach her. "What?"

"Do you know about the memorial they did for Spencer on MySpace?"

Tia tried to swim through the haze, pay attention. The memorial site on MySpace. She remembered hearing about it a few months ago.

"Yes."

"There was a new picture on it."

"I don't understand."

"It was taken right before Spencer died."

"I thought he was alone the night he died," Tia said.

"So did I."

"I'm still not following."

"I think," Betsy Hill said, "that Adam was with Spencer that night."

Tia turned to face her. Betsy Hill had her eyes on the road. "And you talked to him about this yesterday?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"In the lot after school."

Tia remembered the instant messages with CeeJay8115:

What's wrong?

His mother approached me after school.

Tia asked, "Why didn't you come to me?"

"Because I didn't want to hear your explanation, Tia," Betsy said. There was an edge in her voice now. "I wanted to hear Adam's."

The high school, a sprawling edifice of numbing brick, loomed in the distance. Betsy had barely come to a stop when Tia was already out the door and sprinting toward the brick building. Spencer's body, she remembered, had been found on one of the lower roofs, a well-known smoking hangout from way back when. There was a ledge by a window. The kids would hop up there and scale a gutter.

"Wait," Betsy Hill called out.

But Tia was almost there. It was Saturday, but there were still plenty of cars in the lots. All SUVs and minivans. There were kids' baseball games and soccer clinics. Parents stood on the sidelines clutching Starbucks cups, gabbing on cell phones, snapping photos with long-range lenses, fiddling with BlackBerrys. Tia had never liked going to Adam's sporting events because as much as she didn't want to, she ended up caring too much. She loathed those pushy parents who lived and breathed their child's athletic prowess- found them both petty and pitiful-and wanted to be nothing like them. But when she watched her own son compete, she felt so much, worried so about Adam's happiness, that his highs and lows wore her down.

Tia blinked away the tears and kept running. When she reached the ledge, she stopped short.

The ledge was gone.

"They destroyed it after Spencer was found," Betsy said, coming up behind her. "They wanted to make sure that the kids couldn't get up there anymore. I'm sorry. I forgot about that."

Tia looked up. "Kids can always find a new way," she said.

"I know."

Tia and Betsy quickly searched for a new approach, couldn't find any. They sprinted around to the front entrance. The door was locked, so they banged on it until a custodian with KARL stenciled onto his uniform appeared.

"We're closed," Karl said through the door's glass window.

"We need to get to the roof," Tia shouted.

"The roof?" He frowned. "What on earth for?"

"Please," Tia said. "You have to let us in."

The custodian's gaze slid to the right and when he spotted Betsy Hill, a jolt tore through him. No doubt. He had recognized her. Without another word, he grabbed his keys and threw open the doors.

"This way," he said.

They all ran. Tia's heart pounded so hard that she was sure it would burst through her rib cage. Tears were still filling her eyes. Karl opened a door and pointed to the corner. There was a ladder attached to a wall, the kind of thing you normally associate with a submarine. Tia did not hesitate. She sprinted for it and began to climb. Betsy Hill was right behind her.

They reached the roof, but they were on the opposite side from where they needed to be. Tia sprinted over the tar and gravel with Betsy right behind her. The roofs were uneven. One time they had to jump down almost a full story. They both did it without hesitation.

"Around this corner," Betsy called out.

They made the turn onto the right roof and pulled up.

There was no body.

That was the key thing. Adam was not up here. But someone had been.

There were broken beer bottles. There were cigarette butts and what looked like the remains of pot. What had they called those butts? Roaches. But that wasn't what made Tia stay very still.

There were candles.

Dozens of them. Most were burnt down to a waxy mess. Tia went over and touched them. The residue had hardened on most, but one or two were still malleable, as if they had just been burnt down recently.

Tia turned. Betsy Hill stood there. She didn't move. She didn't cry. She just stood there and stared at the candles.

"Betsy?"

"That's where they found Spencer's body," she said.

Tia squatted down, looked at the candles, knew that they looked familiar.

"Right where those candles are. That exact spot. I came up here before they moved Spencer. I insisted. They wanted to take him down, but I said no. I wanted to see him first. I wanted to see where my boy died."

Betsy took a step closer. Tia did not move.

"I used the ledge, the one they knocked off. One of the police of- ficers tried to give me a boost. I told him to leave me the hell alone. I made them all move back. Ron thought I was crazy. He tried to talk me out of it. But I climbed up. And Spencer was right there. Right where you are now. He lay on his side. His legs were curled up in a fetal position. That was how he slept too. In a fetal position. Until he was ten he still sucked his thumb when he slept. Do you ever watch your children sleep, Tia?"

Tia nodded. "I think all parents do."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because they look so innocent."

"Maybe." Betsy smiled. "But I think it's because we can just stare at them and marvel at them and not feel weird about it. If you stare at them like that during the day, they'll think you're nuts. But when they're sleeping..."

Her voice drifted off. She started to look around and said, "This roof is pretty big."

Tia was confused by the change of subjects. "I guess."

"The roof," Betsy said again. "It's big. There are broken bottles all over the place."

She looked at Tia. Not sure how to respond, Tia said, "Okay."

"Whoever burnt those candles," Betsy went on. "They picked the exact spot where Spencer was found. It was never in the papers. So how did they know? If Spencer was alone that night, how did they know to burn the candles exactly where he died?"

MIKE knocked on the door.

He stood on the stoop and waited. Mo stayed in the car. They were less than a mile from where Mike had gotten jumped last night. He wanted to go back to that alley, see what he could remember or dig up or, well, whatever. He really didn't have a clue. He was flailing and poking and hoping something would lead him closer to his son.

This stop, he knew, was probably his best chance.

He had called Tia and told her about having no luck with Huff. Tia had told him about her visit with Betsy Hill to the school. Betsy was still at the house.

Tia said, "Adam has been a lot more withdrawn since the suicide."

"I know."

"So maybe there's more to what happened that night."

"Like what?"

Silence.

"Betsy and I still need to talk," Tia said.

"Be careful, okay?"

"What do you mean?"

Mike did not reply, but both of them knew. The truth was, horrible as it might seem, that their interests and the Hills' interests might no longer be in harmony. Neither one of them wanted to say it. But they both knew.

"Let's just find him first," Tia said.

"That's what I'm trying to do. You work your end, I'll work mine."

"I love you, Mike."

"I love you too."

Mike knocked again. There was no answer at the door. He lifted his hand to knock a third time when the door opened. Anthony the bouncer filled the doorway. He folded his massive arms and said, "You look like hell."

"Thanks, I appreciate that."

"How did you find me?"

"I went online and looked up recent photographs of the Dartmouth football team. You only graduated last year. Your address is registered in the alumni site."

"Smart," Anthony said with a small smile. "We Dartmouth men are very smart."

"I got jumped in that alley."

"Yeah, I know. Who do you think called the police?"

"You?"

He shrugged. "Come on. Let's take a walk."

Anthony closed the door behind him. He was dressed in workout clothes. He wore shorts and one of those tight sleeveless tees that were suddenly the rage not just with guys like Anthony, who could pull it off, but guys Mike's age who simply couldn't.

"It's just a summer gig," Anthony said. "Working at the club. But I like it. I'm going to law school at Columbia in the fall."

"My wife is a lawyer."

"Yeah, I know. And you're a doctor."

"How do you know that?"

He grinned. "You're not the only one who can use college connections."

"You looked me up online?"

"Nah. I called the current hockey coach-a guy named Ken Karl, also worked as the defensive line coach on the football team. Described what you looked liked, told him you claimed to be an All-American. He said 'Mike Baye' right away. Says you were one of the best hockey players the school ever had. You still hold some scoring record."

"So does this mean we have a bond, Anthony?"

The big man didn't reply.

They headed down the stoop. Anthony turned right. A man approaching in the other direction called out, "Yo, Ant!" and the two men did a complicated handshake before moving on.

Mike said, "Tell me what happened last night."

"Three, maybe four guys kicked the crap out of you. I heard the commotion. When I got there, they were running away. One of the guys had a knife. I thought you were a goner."

"You scared them off?"

Anthony shrugged.

"Thanks."

Another shrug.

"You get a look at them?"

"Not their faces. But they were white guys. Lots of tattoos. Dressed in black. Skanky and skinny and stoned out of their freakin' minds, I bet. Lots of anger. One was cupping his nose and cursing." Anthony smiled again. "I do believe you broke it."

"And you're the one who called the cops?"

"Yup. Can't believe you're out of bed already. I figured you'd be out of commission for at least a week."

They kept walking.

"Last night, the kid with the varsity jacket," Mike said. "Had you seen him before?"

Anthony said nothing.

"You recognized my son's picture too."

Anthony stopped. He plucked sunglasses out of his collar and put them on. They covered his eyes. Mike waited.

"Our Big Green connection only goes so far, Mike."

"You said you're amazed I'm out of bed already."

"That I did."

"You want to know why?"

He shrugged.

"My son is still missing. His name is Adam. He's sixteen years old, and I think he's in a lot of danger."

Anthony kept walking. "Sorry to hear about that."

"I need some information."

"I look like the Yellow Pages to you? I live out there. I don't talk about what I see."

"Don't hand me that 'code of the street' crap."

"And don't hand me that ' Dartmouth men stick together' crap."

Mike put his hand on the big man's arm. "I need your help."

Anthony pulled away, started walking faster. Mike caught up to him.

"I'm not leaving, Anthony."

"Didn't think you would," he said. He stopped. "Did you like it up there?"

"Where?"

" Dartmouth."

"Yeah," Mike said. "I liked it a lot."

"Me too. It was like a different world. You know what I'm saying?"

"I do."

"No one in this neighborhood knew about that school."

"How did you end up there?"

He smiled, adjusted the sunglasses. "You mean a big black brother from the streets going to lily-white Dartmouth?"

"Yeah," Mike said. "That's exactly what I mean."

"I was a good football player, maybe even great. I got recruited Division 1A. Could have gone Big Ten."

"But?"

"But I also knew my limitations. I wasn't good enough to go pro. So what would be the point? No education, joke diploma. So I went to Dartmouth. Got a full ride and liberal arts degree. No matter what else, I will always be an Ivy League graduate."

"And now you're going to Columbia Law."

"Yup."

"And then? I mean, after you graduate."

"I'm staying in the neighborhood. I didn't do this to get out. I like it here. I just want to make it better."

"Good to be a stand-up guy."

"Right, but bad to be a snitch."

"You can't walk away from this, Anthony."

"Yeah, I know."

"Under different circumstances, I'd love to keep chatting about our alma mater," Mike said.

"But you got a kid to save."

"Right."

"I've seen your son before, I think. I mean, they all look alike to me, what with the black clothes and the sullen faces, like the world gave them everything and that pisses them off. I got trouble sympathizing. Out here, you get stoned to escape. What the hell do these kids have to escape from-a nice house, parents who love them?"

"It's not that simple," Mike said.

"I guess."

"I came from nothing too. Sometimes I think it's easier. Ambition is natural when you don't have anything. You know what you're driving for."

Anthony said nothing.

"My son is a good kid. He's going through something right now.

It's my job to protect him until he finds his way back out."

"Your job. Not mine."

"Did you see him last night, Anthony?"

"Might have. I don't know much. I really don't."

Mike just looked at him.

"There's a club for underage kids. Supposedly it's a safe place for teens to hang out. They got counselors and therapy and stuff like that, but that's supposed to be just a front to party."

"Where is it?"

"Two, three blocks down from my club."

"And when you say, 'just a front to party,' what do you mean exactly?"

"What do you think I mean? Drugs, underage drinking, stuff like that. There are rumors of mind control and crap like that. I don't believe them. One thing though. People who don't belong stay clear."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning they got a rep as very dangerous too. Maybe mobbed up, I don't know. But people don't give them trouble. That's all I mean."

"And you think my son went there?"

"If he was in that area and he was sixteen years old, yeah. Yeah, I think he probably went there."

"Does the place have a name?"

"Club Jaguar, I think. I have an address."

He gave it to him. Mike handed him his business card.

"This has all my phone numbers," Mike said.

"Uh-huh."

"If you see my son..."

"I'm not a babysitter, Mike."

"That's okay. My son isn't a baby."

TIA was holding the photograph of Spencer Hill.

"I don't see how you can be sure it's Adam."

"I wasn't," Betsy Hill said. "But then I confronted him."

"He might have just freaked out because he was seeing a picture of his dead friend."

"Could be," Betsy agreed in a way that clearly meant, Not a chance.

"And you're sure this picture was taken the night he died?"

"Yes."

Tia nodded. The silence fell on them. They were back at the Baye house. Jill was upstairs watching TV. The sounds of Hannah Montanawafted down. Tia sat there. So did Betsy Hill.

"So what do you think this means, Betsy?"

"Everyone said they didn't see Spencer that night. That he was alone."

"And you think this means that they did?"

"Yes."

Tia pressed a little. "And if he wasn't alone, what would that mean?"

Betsy thought about it. "I don't know."

"You did get a suicide note, right?"

"By text. Anyone can send a text."

Tia saw it again. In a sense the two mothers were at odds. If what Betsy Hill said about the photograph was true, then Adam had lied. And if Adam had lied, then who really knew what happened that night?

So Tia didn't tell her about the instant messages with CeeJay8115, the ones about the mother who approached Adam. Not yet. Not until she knew more.

"I missed some signs," Betsy said.

"Like?"

Betsy Hill closed her eyes.

"Betsy?"

"I spied on him once. Not really spied but... Spencer was on the computer and when he left the room, I just sneaked in. To see what he was looking at. You know? I shouldn't have. It was wrong- invading his privacy like that."

Tia said nothing.

"But anyway I hit that back arrow, you know, at the top of the browser?"

Tia nodded.

"And... and he'd been visiting some suicide sites. There were stories about kids who had killed themselves, I guess. Stuff like that. I didn't look too long. And I never did anything about it. I just blocked."

Tia looked at Spencer in the photograph. She looked for signs that the boy would be dead within hours, as if that would somehow show on his face. There was nothing, but what did that mean?

"Did you show this picture to Ron?" she asked.

"Yes."

"What did he make of it?"

"He wonders what difference it makes. Our son committed suicide, he said, so what are you trying to figure out, Betsy? He thinks I'm doing this to get closure."

"Aren't you?"

"Closure," Betsy repeated, nearly spitting the word out as though it tasted bad in her mouth. "What does that even mean? Like somewhere up ahead there's a door and I'll walk through it and then close it and Spencer stays on the other side? I don't want that, Tia. Can you imagine anything more obscene than having closure?"

They went quiet again, the annoying laugh track from Jill's show the only sound.

"The police think your son ran away," Betsy said. "They think mine committed suicide."

Tia nodded.

"But suppose they're wrong. Suppose they're wrong about both of our boys."