Hot as Sin (Hot Shots: Men of Fire #2)(42)
Author: Bella Andre

Just then, the baby started crying and reaching for Dianna.

The woman laughed again. “She must think you’re April. You two really do look a lot alike in so many ways.” Pressing her lips to the baby’s forehead, the mother cooed, “She’s not April, baby girl,” but it only made the baby cry harder.

The baby’s wails tugged at Dianna’s heartstrings and she held out her hands.

“Here. Let me try anyway.”

A moment later, she was cradling the chubby infant in her arms, amazed when the baby’s tears were immediately replaced with a gummy grin. Enthralled by her soft skin, her big brown eyes, and tiny little fingers, Dianna looked up to compliment the mother on her gorgeous child when she caught Sam’s unblinking gaze.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what he was thinking: This could have been them ten years ago, had everything gone differently.

Sensing her distress, the baby started crying again and her mother picked her up out of Dianna’s arms. “I know how exhausted you must be from your journey here today. Again, if there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.”

Dianna compulsively cracked her knuckles as they headed out across the meadow to the spot in a circle of tall aspens where Peter had instructed them to set up their tent. Sam grabbed her hands and separated them for her.

“I’m sorry we didn’t find out more from her friends,” he said softly, still holding on to her fingers.

During the past couple of hours, she’d managed to hold it together, even though it seemed that they were even further from finding April than they’d been in the hospital. She’d desperately hoped that coming to the commune would provide them with answers, or at least clues. Instead, it had been a total bust.

The only thing she knew for sure was that she wouldn’t be able to keep it together if he kept being so sympathetic.

She needed to get away from him.

“I need some privacy,” she said as she pulled her hands out of his grasp. “Please.”

Then she was tearing through the trees, stumbling over roots and rocks, her tears quickly morphing into sobs.

———

Sam understood why she wanted to be alone. They were similar that way, neither of them wanting to look weak in front of an audience. Instead, they both held everything they were feeling inside. When he realized she was sitting on a rock with her head on her knees, curled up into a ball, crying her eyes out, a pride of cougars couldn’t have held him back.

Her head shot up when she heard his footsteps crunch through the dry leaves. She brushed the back of her hands across her eyes.

“Go away.”

He knew why she was lashing out at him, knew that she was terribly worried, but he also knew she needed a loving friend more than she needed space. So he ignored her request and moved beside her on the rock. She was shivering and he didn’t hesitate to put his arms around her.

“Why are you here?” she asked through chattering teeth, holding herself stiff in his arms.

“Because you need me,” he said simply. “I know you’re upset about April. I’m worried too, but we won’t give up until we find her.”

Her voice was muffled against his chest as she said, “All I’ve ever wanted was a happy family.”

She began crying again, and he pulled her tighter, rhythmically stroking her back with his hands.

“I know you do, sweetheart,” he said, the endearment feeling perfectly natural. Totally right.

If he were being totally honest with himself, wasn’t a family all he’d ever wanted? Wasn’t family what he’d tried to create with his crew? With his brother? Wasn’t that why losing the baby and then Dianna had been such a crushing blow? Just when a real family had finally been within reach, he’d lost it all.

Silently, they held on to each other and it felt so good to be close to Dianna again that Sam almost forgot who was comforting whom.

A short while later, she lifted her cheek off his chest.

“Talking to April’s friends makes me feel like I’ve really blown it with her all these years. Maybe I have been too controlling, too overprotective. Maybe I haven’t listened to her enough.”

He wiped away the wetness on her cheeks. “I doubt that’s true. Sounds like you did everything you could for her.”

“No, I really screwed up with her. She had another reason to leave, but I was too embarrassed to tell you about it in the hospital.” She took a deep breath. “Right around Christmas, I had the really stupid idea of trying to get my mother and sister back together.”

He raised an eyebrow. “It didn’t go well, I take it?”

“You don’t know how much of an understatement that is,” she said on a hollow laugh. “It went terrible. Beyond terrible. April didn’t want anything to do with Donna. Donna didn’t want anything to do with April. And both of them were pissed at me for shoving them together.”

She took a shaky breath. “I don’t think my sister said ten words to me between that meeting and leaving for Colorado. And she was right to be angry. I had some stupid reconciliation fantasy in my mind that had absolutely nothing to do with reality.”

She was trying to put a brave face on it, but Sam could see how deeply hurt she was by what had happened.

“Have you talked with your mother since then?”

“No way. Honestly, I haven’t seen her much over the years anyway. Seeing how horrible she was to April pretty much closed that door for me forever.”

Wanting to let her know that she wasn’t alone, he confessed, “I haven’t heard from my father since last year.”

She met his eyes for the first time since he’d joined her on the rock.

“Why? What happened?”

He fought the urge to make light of the situation, to stuff it back down and pretend it didn’t matter.

“My parents came to see Connor in the hospital last summer, right after he was burned. He was the only thing that mattered. The only thing they should have been focused on.”

“Oh no, Sam, they didn’t start fighting, did they?”

“Like goddamned cats and dogs, right there in his room. They’ve been ripping each other to shreds for thirty years and they couldn’t put the brakes on it for fifteen minutes? All I could think was that even though he was heavily doped up on morphine, what if he could hear them? What if their petty grievances were seeping into his subconscious and holding him back from healing because he didn’t want to deal with their bullshit anymore?”