Hot Zone (Elite Force #2)(65)
Author: Catherine Mann

He’d fallen in love.

Now he had to figure out what the hell to do about that. Telling her in a drab military tent with their pants around their ankles seemed like a bad idea. And damn it all, he still needed to get his head together on this. He should be happy, the path simple and clear.

Instead, he was scared deep in his gut. Which was saying a lot for a guy who didn’t think twice about parachuting into a minefield.

A rustling at the front of the tent yanked him out of his freaked-out self-indulgence. “Shit,” he whispered, easing from her body and already feeling the loss. “Someone’s coming inside.”

He yanked her shirt into place as she pulled up her khakis. He made fast work of his own pants, then smoothed her hair back, finger-combing the silky strands quickly.

Kissing her hard and fast, he palmed the small of her back and steered her past the maze of crates. At the front, canvas flap open, he came face-to-face with one of the military nurses from… He couldn’t quite place where, but his brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders right now.

The sun was setting, security lights flickering off and on as sensors wrestled with the transition between day and night settings. A C-17 sat next in line to load up and head out. He even caught sight of his teammates Brick and Cuervo talking with a med tech as a couple of patients were loaded up.

Amelia stopped in her tracks just past the tent, gnawing on her kissed-plump bottom lip. “Can we hang out here for a second longer? I’m not ready to face my family just yet.”

“Do you want something to eat? Somewhere to, uh, freshen up?” There weren’t a helluva lot of options and little or no privacy now that they were out of the storage tent.

“I don’t have much time, actually.” She looked around the bustling temporary airfield. “I’m supposed to get on that plane with them and go back to the States. Aiden and Lisabeth are meeting me here in about fifteen minutes with Joshua.” Pain smoked through her eyes. “I needed a few minutes to collect myself, so I told them I was going to get an update on you.”

Leaving? Her announcement knocked the wind out of him. Sure he wanted her out of danger, but he’d expected to have a little more warning on saying good-bye, a chance to figure out how he wanted to handle things after they both returned.

“But you’re going tonight. That’s good. Really good.” So why did acid still churn in his gut? “I want you out of this godforsaken wasteland, the sooner the better.”

And it would be hard as hell to watch her leave, even accepting it was for the best. He also knew how tough it would be for her to acclimate to regular life after the trauma she’d experienced. He wished he could be there to help her make that transition.

“Well then we have a problem��—she scratched her chin absently, her eyebrows furrowing together as if her lawyer brain was putting together something big—“because I don’t want to go. I need to stay and help, even if it’s just giving out those little half-pint cartons of orange juice to thirsty children.”

Her face smoothed, and she jabbed him in the chest with one finger to make her point. “By some quirk of fate, I survived unscathed, and now I want to give back by helping those who haven’t been as lucky.”

He tipped his head, certain he couldn’t have heard her correctly. “Listen, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s tough to walk away from people in need, but there aren’t many chances to get out of here.” And he was damn well going to make sure she was on that plane. “Right now, it’s just your adrenaline talking.”

She laughed lightly, but her sky blue eyes still weren’t smiling. “Don’t you think you’re carrying the he-man stuff a little too far?”

Hands hitched on his gun belt, he measured his words to keep from snapping. Because right now what he really thought, what he really felt, was that he’d dodged enough of a bullet having her remain safe so far. Any more would be tempting fate. He’d done well in not thinking about Marissa or his daughter, but he knew damn well his own adrenaline letdown was due and it was going to be a helluva night trying to process everything that had happened.

He needed to be assertive about her next move. “If you stay, you will be in the way of rescue workers who need to do their jobs.”

“You’re trying to get rid of me.” Hands falling on his chest, she brushed cotton wrinkles flat.

He clasped her fingers, stopping her. “I’m trying to keep you safe. Keep you alive.” Frustration roiled inside him, searing along already-raw nerves. He needed her safe, damn it. He grasped her shoulders and willed her to understand how important it was for her to get on that plane.

“I love you, Amelia. Okay?” The words were damn near ripped out of him. He hadn’t had the time to sort through what it all meant, but in weighing the cost, he hoped it would help the cause. “I’ve been through the hell of losing someone I loved once and I can’t go through that hell again. I can’t take having you here where something could happen to you.”

She went still, her eyes stunned and giving him no hint of what she was thinking or feeling. “You love me?”

“Yeah, I think I do. Wait,” he held up a hand, needing to get this right. There was no quibbling to give himself an out. There was no going back for him now. “I know I do.”

“Oh, Hugh,” she said with a hint of regret, her eyes turning sad. She bracketed his face in both her hands, even though they stood in the middle of a busy airfield. “What you’re saying is beautiful, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not so sure you’re thinking clearly now. I believe this past week with Joshua and me has stirred up the pain of losing your wife and child.”

No shit.

He bristled, her rejection stinging, especially after what they’d just shared. Or what he’d thought they shared. Damn it all, he was certain she’d felt it too. “I know that you and Marissa are not the same. In fact, you’re nothing alike.” He tugged her by the arm, pulling her out of the path of troops marching past, and stopping under a half-uprooted tree. “If you don’t love me, then say so. Don’t try to make up some bullshit excuse about me not knowing my own mind.”

“Can you deny that you’ve been thinking of her? Everything that’s gone on has to have been tangled up in your feelings for what happened then.”

“Okay, I get it,” he said bitterly. “You’re the one who’s tangled up in the past. Just because your ex was a jackass who couldn’t tell one woman from the other doesn’t mean I’m a clueless bastard too.”