Immortal (Fallen Angels #6)(68)
Author: J.R. Ward

“I remember. It was hard to throw one of them out in our previous sessions.”

“Yes.” Devina drew her hand through her hair, reassuring herself that it was all still in place, that talking about this hadn’t magically revealed her true ugliness. “But that morning was the first time I had the sense that it could cripple me—and that terrified me. It’s so fucked-up. It’s like your best friend turning on you, you know? Like, the thing that makes you feel better all of a sudden … owning you.”

“That’s very common, Devina. Very, very common.”

“So I took a shower. I had to, I was a mess. And I was staying in this loft at the time. I’m not a big TV person, but it had one of those wide-screen things? I came out of the bathroom and the screen was on. I guess I’d turned it on at some point. I was standing over the remnants of those empty foundation bottles, feeling like I was going crazy, when there you were. On the TV. Veronica Sibling-Crout. Funny, I haven’t seen the ad running since. But it was the perfect time for me.”

“Sometimes things happen for a reason.”

Devina stared at the woman. “You really have helped me. I mean, I still struggle day to day, but you’ve made me realize I’m not the only person with this … problem.”

“You know, a lot of my work is just making sure people know they’re not alone. That and teaching them structured ways to deal with behaviors they don’t want and think they can’t change.”

“You really have … saved me. From myself.”

The therapist frowned. “Devina, why does this sound like a good-bye?”

Because it might be. “Things are going to change. Well, for me they’re going to change. You might not notice a difference, though.”

Although if Devina won, the woman would absolutely know it. And no doubt, if the therapist was aware of what was at stake in the war, she’d pray that Jim won this last round.

“In what way are things going to change for you?”

“The promotion. It’s time for the position to be decided. Either I or the other guy will get the vice presidency.” Again, the parallel she’d constructed wasn’t an exact match, but it was the closest she could get without blowing the woman’s mind. “And if I don’t get it, I won’t be able to come here anymore.”

“Why? Are you going to be transferred?”

Almost certainly, and not in a good way. “Yes.”

The therapist frowned. “You seem … resigned to some kind of fate.”

“I guess I am. This can’t go on forever.”

“Devina, let me ask you something. Do you believe in God?”

Hell, she’d met the guy. “Yes. I do.”

“Do you believe He loves all His children?”

“Aren’t we getting a little religious?” Not that she minded it, necessarily, it was just a shift in—

“Do you, Devina?”

She thought over her long relationship with the Creator … and all the things she’d put Him through. “Yes, I know He does. Even the broken parts of His world … He loves even them.”

“So be not afraid of any fate that awaits you.”

She laughed harshly. “I wish.”

“If you believe in the traditional notion of God, then He is all-powerful—so no part of Creation did He not contemplate, and no turn in any destiny is not one He engineers.”

“On that theory, He’s probably after me. Or should be. I’ve done a lot of very…” Evil. “…bad shit.”

“But He created you, too.”

Devina shifted in her puffy chair, feeling like things were getting a little too real all of a sudden. It was as if … “Should we go back to talking about lipsticks?”

“If that makes you feel better, sure.”

Devina narrowed her eyes on the woman. Same as she’d always looked, same voice, same Mother Earth body and sixties-holdover clothes.

It seemed impossible that someone like her had made such an impact.

Devina crossed and recrossed her legs. “I don’t know. I guess I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done with me. It’s … been really helpful.”

“That truly touches me.”

There was yet another long, long silence. “I don’t have much more to say.”

“That’s okay. We can sit here and just see if anything bubbles up for you.”

And that’s what they did. Until Devina glanced at the discreetly set clock on the side table. “I guess our time is up.”

“So it is.”

Getting to her feet, she grabbed her Prada bag and slung it onto her shoulder. She didn’t bother to get out her checkbook. If she won the war, she was going to own the woman’s soul, so if she needed help, it was going to be free and then some. And if she lost? What was the therapist going to do? Sue her?

Ha.

The therapist used her hands to push herself forward to the edge of the couch and then she heaved her body up off the cushions. With quick efficiency, she pulled her loose clothing into place as if her size made her feel self-conscious and the wardrobe was her way of covering things up.

Devina knew how that felt.

“So, bye, then.” Devina lifted her hand. “Yeah. Bye.”

Without waiting for a response, she went for the door, but something stopped her from leaving.

Pivoting around, she couldn’t fight the absurd conviction that she needed—

As if the therapist knew exactly what she wanted, the woman held her arms out. Devina walked over and bent down … and allowed herself to be wrapped in an embrace that seemed to burrow in deep, penetrating her outer lie to her inner case of hump-ugly—and accepting her nonetheless.

Closing her eyes, she just stood there and accepted the shelter she was offered.

Something told her it might be the only respite she got for a very, very long time.

Chapter Thirty-seven

Well, wasn’t this the day for trips down memory lane, Sissy thought as she stared out of the Explorer’s back window. Too bad it wasn’t in a happy-Christmases-of-the-past kind of way.

As Jim pulled up to one of the many warehouses in the old wharf area of Caldwell, she had to brace herself for going into yet another place she had no interest in ever seeing again.

“Are you sure we have to do it here?” she asked, looking up at the five-story-high, block-wide building.

As a light rain began to fall, it seemed like the cloud cover up above had arrived only because even the sun didn’t want any part of what was about to go down.