Kiss Me Like This (The Morrisons #1)(45)
Author: Bella Andre

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“I never wanted to be in that video,” she told him as soon as his bedroom door closed. “But my mother swore it would be fine, that she wouldn’t let them film anything inappropriate, and that it was a really important next step toward making it as an actress.”

“How could she do that to you?” Sean drew Serena against him. She needed to get this off her chest, but he couldn’t let her explain her previous life to him anywhere but in his arms. “To her daughter who trusted her to help her?”

But instead of answering his questions, she said, “I wanted tonight to be fun. To be good. I didn’t want to ruin it with all of this.”

“You’re not ruining anything, Serena.”

“But I already have. Just by being in that video.”

“Bullshit. Don’t you dare take the blame for something that wasn’t in your control. You were just a kid doing what you were told.”

“Honestly,” she said in a soft voice, “I don’t think my mom realized just how bad the video was for a seventeen-year-old girl to be in until it was too late. Once the song became a massive hit, all she could do to justify it was say that at least I’d proven I wouldn’t freeze up on screen. And she was right, because the scripts started pouring in. Every single one of them was the same, though, wanting me to play the young, overly sexed-up girl getting in too deep and getting hurt, just like I had portrayed in the video. That was the first time I ever refused my mother anything—refused to audition for any of those directors. She was so angry with me. She said she’d never met anyone so selfish, so unappreciative, in all her life. So when Smith Sullivan came along with a great script and a real character who felt like someone I actually understood, I couldn’t say no.” She tilted her face up to his. “I got the part in his movie, Sean, and I would be there now filming if the production hadn’t ended up on hold indefinitely.”

His chest clenched even tighter. One of the biggest movie stars in the world wanted her to be in his film. Sean finally realized just how close he’d come to missing meeting Serena altogether. He couldn’t imagine his life without her in it now, but if Smith Sullivan’s movie hadn’t gone off the rails, Sean would still be searching for numb…and hating his life more with every day that passed.

“I’m glad you’re here. So damned glad.”

“I am, too. But I know it’s hard for you to be with someone like me.”

“It’s not hard.”

“It is hard,” she insisted. “Stuff like what just happened downstairs would never have happened if you were dating anyone else on campus. It’s why I never really thought I’d be able to date anyone or live a normal student life.”

“Of course you can.” He didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. Not when they were just starting to figure things out. Not when they were finally dating out in the open. And not when he was in love with her. “I don’t care if we have to work a little harder at making things work. You’re worth it.”

“So are you,” she said, “but are you sure you want to keep having to deal with things like this? With paparazzi randomly popping up so that you never know when you’re going to run into pictures and clips of me that people—especially guys—are going to be looking at? Even your friends?”

“Do you know why I reacted the way I did down there? Not because you were in that video. Sure, I don’t like knowing that my friends, that strangers, are drooling over you. But even if you hadn’t been a model, I guarantee they’d be doing that. What kills me is knowing just how much you hate that video. What kills me is seeing you tighten up and your eyes cloud over like you’re getting lost in a bad memory. I want so badly to be able to go back in time to save you from all of it, but I can’t, Serena. I can’t and I hate that no one else did, either.”

“You know what,” she said slowly, “you’re right. You’re not the only one who’s going to need to figure out how to deal with it. I do, too.”

“It wasn’t fair,” he said. “You were just a kid, and if you didn’t want to do any of those things, you shouldn’t have had to.”

“But I did. And they’re done. There’s no going back in time to undo them. No erasing pictures and video clips that will be around forever.” She could have played the victim, but didn’t, and he was pretty sure he’d never respected her more than he did in that instant. “I never had anyone to talk to about any of this. Not until you. But at the same time—” She put her hand on his chest, pressing it flat over his heart which was still pounding way too hard. “—when you smashed the iPad—”

“I scared you.” He covered her hand with his. “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted it gone.”

“I know. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wanted that, too. But do you think that maybe…” She shook her head, but this time after a bit of a pause, she didn’t finish her sentence.

“Don’t stop talking to me now. I don’t want you to be frightened of me because of what I did down there.”

“It’s not that,” she said softly. “I’m not afraid of you now, and I wasn’t scared earlier, either. Stunned, but not frightened. You would never do anything to hurt me, or to hurt anyone else, not if they didn’t deserve it. It’s just that this morning with the pictures…I accidentally pushed you too hard. Too far, too fast. I don’t want to make that same mistake again tonight by saying the wrong thing.”

His chest immediately clenched tight, even tighter than it was already. But he couldn’t shut her out again. Not if he wanted her to actually consider sticking around.

And it was just how badly he wanted her to stay that made it possible for him to get the words out. “No one has pushed me for three months. Hell, all year.” He’d thought it would be easier, better, if he buried everything and eventually forgot. But it hadn’t worked out that way. “I can’t guarantee how far into it all that I’m going to be able to go tonight. Or tomorrow, even. But last night you told me that you trust me in a way you’ve never been able to trust anyone else. It’s the same with me, Serena. I trust you in a way I haven’t been able to trust anyone else. So…” He took a breath, forced the oxygen into his constricted lungs. “Push.”