Light in the Shadows (Find You in the Dark #2)(27)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

“Good, being prepared is essential. But, Clay, I’d like you to check in with me daily while you’re in Davidson. That way if things come up, you have a means of processing them.” I tried not to feel insulted by the suggestion. I didn’t need a goddamned babysitter.

I ran my hand over my arms in agitation, feeling the ridges of old scars. Okay, so maybe a babysitter wasn’t such a bad idea.

“Sure, I’ll call you.” Dr. Todd picked up a file on his desk and pulled a paper out and handed it to me. It was my no harm contract.

“Take this with you, read it, remember it.” I folded up the sheet and put it in my back pocket. He was really covering all bases here.

“Thanks, Doc, I appreciate it. I honestly don’t know how long I would have lasted if I hadn’t come here.” I hadn’t really expressed my gratitude for the staff at Grayson. But it seemed important that I say it now.

“It’s what we’re here for,” was all Dr. Todd said in reply. I got to my feet. “Jacqui will give you your medications before you leave this evening. And if you need anything, Clay, anything at all, know that you can call either me or the other staff here, day or night. Someone will always be here.” His words were reassuring and it made me feel less alone.

“Thanks,” I said again before leaving.

The rest of the day was spent going to group and finishing up the homework I had yet to complete. I hung out with Tyler and Greg. Had lunch with Maria. I was trying to work up the courage to leave the place that had provided the safety and security I had so desperately needed for the last three months.

Even though I had imagined what it would be like to finally leave the center, the reality was a hell of a lot different than I thought it would be. This is not the way I wanted to be leaving. Even with my intentions of coming back, it didn’t change that I was walking out the door into a world that was vastly different from when I left it.

***

Thirty minutes before I was due to head to the airport to catch my flight, Lydia came to get me. “Your mother is on the phone and is asking to speak to you,” she informed me, leading me to her office. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. What the f**k did she want? Though deep down, I knew exactly what she wanted.

I picked up the phone and gritted my teeth. “Hi, Mom,” I said shortly. Lydia had left her office but kept the door open. I had a feeling she was listening carefully to this particular conversation. It was no secret that my parents were like an emotional bomb for me. There was no telling how I’d react.

“What’s this I hear about you flying to Virginia? That is completely unacceptable!” her frosty voice cut through the line.

“Nice to hear from you, Mom,” I replied sarcastically. She completely ignored my statement.

“You are not going to Virginia. How could you even think of doing something so stupid? After everything you put your father and I through with your little suicide attempt! And now you’re trying to ruin everything all over again! Do you have no self-respect?” She sounded disgusted. And I’m sure she was. I wish I didn’t care. And some part of me had learned to stop being so hung up in my desire for her approval.

But that didn’t completely drown out that small part of me that did still care. And that part of me needed to be cut the hell out. Forcibly if necessary.

“Ruby needs me. I’m sure you’ve heard about Lisa. Aren’t you planning on attending the funeral?” I don’t know why I bothered to ask such a ridiculous question. Neither of my parents had ever approved of Lisa or Ruby’s “lifestyle.” But I guess I had some bizarre hope that family ties would mean more than misplaced morals.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate. Not with your father running for Congress this year. What would it look like if the conservative candidate attended the funeral of…a homosexual.” She said the word as though it were something dirty. God, what a bitch.

“It would look like the two of you had a heart. Even if it was a lie,” I said angrily, hating that I allowed her to get under my skin like that.

“Enough with the dramatics, Clayton. You will not be going anywhere. You are in treatment. You cannot afford to leave right now. You could relapse. Because I can assure you if there is another embarrassing incident, your father and I will not be there to help you this time.”

I barked out a harsh laugh. “Help me? Are you f**king high? When have you EVER helped me?” I heard my mother’s sharp intake of breath.

“Don’t you dare speak to me that way.” Her voice was dangerously low and I knew I had over stepped a line. The one that demanded total and complete compliance. Too bad for her that I had kicked the obedient fool out on his ass.

“You will not be leaving the Grayson Center, Clay. Your father and I admitted you and if you refuse to stay in treatment, we will be forced to take drastic measures to make sure you aren’t posing a risk to yourself.” I could almost see the derisive curl of her lip as her threat spewed from her mouth.

“You do that, Mother. Just try and lock me up again and you will find a very disobedient son. And I don’t think that’s something you or Dad can afford right now. Particularly with it being an election year and all.” My mother went quiet. I could hear her silently fuming. The thing she didn’t realize was I had learned a thing or two from my manipulative parents. And that was knowing how to get what I wanted. Because I had hit her Achilles’ heel. Her fear of public disclosure. And I meant every word of what I had said. If she and my father fought me on this, I would be a thorn in their f**king side.

Finally, my mother said, “If that’s how you want it, fine. But don’t expect any further assistance from your father or me. That includes financially. You want to defy us and self-destruct, do it on your own.” I snorted, not remotely bothered by her statement.

“I’ve been on my own most of my life,” I muttered and then hung up.

Wow, that felt…good. I left the office to find Lydia working on her laptop. She looked up and gave me a reassuring smile. “All finished up?” she asked.

I nodded. Yeah, I was finished. And it was about f**king time.

After that, I got my stuff together, including my meds, said my goodbyes and headed to the airport with Jonathan. I boarded the plane and we took off ten minutes early. That had to be a positive sign, right?

I tried not to fixate on what would be waiting for me when I landed. Instead I watched a couple of TV shows, ate some pretzels and stared out the window. The flight was short, only two and a half hours. I checked the time on my cellphone after we landed. It was only a little after nine-thirty.