Light in the Shadows (Find You in the Dark #2)(48)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

“I just wish I could do more,” I replied, mostly to myself. Because it was true. I felt like I wasn’t doing near enough.

“Just don’t waste your life on regrets, Maggie. That’s what you can do.” I pulled back slightly, surprised by the vehemence in Ruby’s tone.

“I know Clay hurt you. He’s a difficult boy. But he loves you. As much as you love him. I see the way you look at each other. And it’s a beautiful thing.” Ruby looked at me and her pale green eyes seared into mine with an intensity that made me take pause.

“Whatever your hesitations, don’t let them get in the way of living your life with the person you love. Lisa and I wasted too much time in the beginning worrying about what everyone else thought.” A quiet sob escaped from Ruby and she bit down on her bottom lip.

She stood up, taking our mugs to the sink. She braced herself on the counter, her head bowed. This was a woman who I wasn’t so sure would be able to come back from losing the love of her life. I think the person who said it’s better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all was full of shit. This much pain wasn’t good for anyone, no matter that it came from something as amazing as the love for another person.

As if reading my thoughts, Ruby turned around to face me. “Promise me, Maggie, to follow your heart and not your head. Our heads have a nasty habit of ruining what can make us happiest. And there are times in our lives when you have to put aside what we think is best and go with what you feel is best.” I could barely breathe. Her advice hitting me right where she meant it to; straight into my beating chest.

“Regret is a bitter bedfellow, Maggie,” she whispered.

The sound of a throat being cleared made me squeak in surprise. Clay stood in the doorway, his form filling the small space. His dark hair hung down over his forehead and ears in loose waves. His dark eyes hooded and concerned. His hands were characteristically jammed in his pockets as he looked between Ruby and me.

My heart constricted tightly at the sight of him. I was full of love and pain and yes…regret. And Ruby was right; it was a horrible waste of emotion.

“Maggie just came by to drop off her mother’s casserole,” Ruby said tiredly, walking over to Clay and touched him on the cheek. “Why don’t you two visit for a while, I’m going to go lie down.” Ruby turned to me as she left the kitchen.

“It was nice seeing you, Maggie. I hope to see you again soon.” For the first time I saw something alive flare in her eyes. They seemed to almost twinkle as she looked at me, a million messages being communicated. Her gaze drifted to her nephew and then back to me, an almost contented smile on her face. Then she left, leaving me feel strangely at peace.

Looking at my phone, I knew I should be heading home but I was in no rush to leave the warm kitchen. Clay hadn’t moved from the doorway. He watched me hesitantly and I could tell he was nervous.

“You got anything with chocolate around here? I’m sort of hungry,” I said lightly. And even though I had dinner waiting for me, I felt the need to something to break the tension.

“Yeah, I think we have some cookies or something,” Clay said, finally coming into the room. He went about, rooting through the cabinets until he found a tin of chocolate chip cookies. Opening it up, he took one before handing it to me.

I took my own cookie and put the tin down. “Thanks for bringing the food. Ruby hasn’t been up to cooking and I’m pretty sure I could burn water.” Clay smirked and I felt my lips twitch into a smile.

“No problem. My mom goes through these compulsive cooking phases. Figure this way food isn’t going to waste.” I chewed on the cookie, trying not to be obvious in the way I stared at the boy who seemed ready to crawl out of his skin. Ruby’s words still rang in my ears. Regret. When I looked at Clay that’s definitely what I felt. Mostly for everything we never got to be. For everything I wanted so much to experience with him.

But he still seemed so vulnerable. Fragile even. And I was scared to let myself get close to him again. I didn’t trust him with my heart. He’d broken it once already.

“Well, tell her thank you, from both of us. Ramen noodles were getting old.” Clay wiped crumbs from his fingers and hooked his thumbs into his belt loops. I could tell he was winding down this non-existent conversation in order to retreat. Even as his eyes clung to mine in a way that said he didn’t want to be anywhere else.

He was clearly as conflicted as I felt. “I should get upstairs and start on my homework.” Clay bobbed his head toward the hallway and I nodded.

“Sure thing,” I replied and watched him turn around and leave. His broad back tense as he disappeared up the stairs. I reached up to touch the butterfly necklace. It lay hidden beneath my shirt and I was pretty sure that Clay hadn’t noticed it. But since putting it back on, it hadn’t left my neck.

That unconscious reluctance to part with it spoke volumes.

My fingers traced the delicate curves and I remembered the look on Clay’s face when he had given it to me.

You make me feel free.

Tears pricked my eyes and then before I knew what I was doing, I was heading up the stairs two at a time.

I hurried down to the end of the hallway, pausing only briefly before pushing open Clay’s door. It bounced off the wall with a loud thud. Clay was sat on his bed and he looked up in shock. I was breathing heavily, my face flushed.

“Maggie, is everything…” Clay began but stopped as I crossed the room and sank to the floor at his feet. I went up on my knees and grabbed his face between my hands. His gorgeous brown eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise.

“I don’t want to wake up ten years from now regretting that I let this slip through my fingers. I don’t want to waste another moment without you in my life,” I let out in a rush. Clay’s hands came up and covered mine, his fingers slipping between the ones that held him. His eyes closed briefly and when he opened them they were wet with barely contained emotion.

“God, Maggie. How can you say that after everything I put you through?” his voice cracked and my heart nearly split in two. I gripped his face tightly and pulled him toward me. Our noses brushed against one another and we looked at each other as if for the first time.

“It’s because of everything we’ve been though that I can say it. I love you, Clayton Reed. God, I love you so damn much.” My strangled words came out in a whisper as I waited for him to hear me. To either accept or reject what I was giving him. I was taking the hugest risk handing him my heart and soul like this. Especially when they were still bruised from the last time he held them. I had agonized about not trusting him. About my fears of being ripped apart all over again.