Light in the Shadows (Find You in the Dark #2)(53)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

We left the bathroom and walked down the quiet hallway. We were already twenty minutes late for class. Shit. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what the hell brought all that on back there?” Daniel asked and I clamped down immediately. It was an age old response to people digging into my crap.

“Yeah, no offense, but I’m really not into talking about it with people.” I probably sounded harsher than I meant to. But I was not trying to hash out my crazy psyche for Daniel to analyze. My insurance paid a professional to do that twice a week.

“I get it. Sorry for sticking my nose in. Just, you know…if you ever want to talk about stuff. I mean, I’m here if you want. And I don’t mean for that to sound as douchy as it came out. I swear to god, I did not just grow a vagina.” I barked out a laugh and Daniel grinned.

“Glad to hear it, otherwise Rachel’s in for one hell of a surprise,” I joked. Wow. It was like I had entered a parallel universe. I was joking around with Daniel of all people. Almost like we were friends. I hadn’t had many of those over the years. At least not ones that I wasn’t forced into spending time with out of service plan necessity.

“Alright, well I’ve got to get to class. Mrs. Bowan is going to castrate me for being late again. I’ll catch you later,” Daniel said, heading up the stairs.

“Hey, Daniel,” I called out before he disappeared. Daniel turned around.

“I just want you to know that all that shit, well I’m working on it.” I just really needed him to know that I was going to do my damnedest to make this right for Maggie. That I wasn’t the selfish jackass I was three months ago. That I was going to do what I needed to do for the girl we both loved.

Daniel gave me a curt nod. “Glad to hear it. Check you later.” And with that, he disappeared up the stairs.

***

Therapy went well. After my mini-meltdown in the bathroom at school, I was in a surprisingly good place. I talked to Shaemus about Maggie. And unlike with Dr. Todd, he didn’t immediately launch into all of the reasons it wasn’t a good idea. Though he did remind me that it perhaps wasn’t a good idea to put so much energy into a relationship while I was working on getting myself in order.

He then suggested I bring Maggie in for a session or two. This blew my mind. Why in the hell would I bring Maggie to therapy? But when Shaemus explained that it could be a way for both of us to break the patterns we had developed in our relationship and learn better ways to communicate, I couldn’t deny that it sounded really good.

But how to broach the subject with Maggie? Hey, you wanna go hang out at my shrink’s office for some super intense couple’s therapy? Now there was a date to remember.

After leaving Shaemus’ office, I headed home to change for my shift at Bubbles. Ruby’s car was parked by the house, but when I went inside, it was quiet. Not wanting to disturb her, I hurried to change then headed to work.

Checking my phone after I pulled into the parking lot I saw that I had a text from Maggie.

Just finished practice. Thinking of you. Call me when your shift is over. We have some date planning to do.

My phone rang in my hand and I frowned at the unfamiliar number that flashed across the screen. “Hello?” I said, answering it.

“Clay?” a female voice said on the other end.

“Maria?” I asked and heard her familiar giggle through the line.

“Yep, it’s me! How are you? I miss you so much!” Her voice was high pitched as though she were nervous. I instantly felt guilty for not contacting her or my other friends from the center since I had been back in Virginia. The truth was I hadn’t much thought about them. And that made me a really crappy friend.

“Wow! Maria, I’m good actually. Much better than I thought I’d be. How are you?” I figured I’d leave the whole I miss you thing alone for now.

I heard Maria take a deep breath. “Well, that’s actually why I called. I’ve been discharged from Grayson.” I frowned at her statement.

“You’ve been discharged? I thought you were going to do another six months.” Maria and I had both talked about staying on for the six month program before I left. But then I had up and left. I really hoped her decision had nothing to do with my leaving. But I had a bad feeling that it did. Maria’s attachment had become borderline dependent. Dr. Todd and I had discussed it a few times. He had mentioned that it was normal for people in treatment to come to rely on other patients as a means of emotional support. That it wasn’t unusual for people to transfer their intense feelings onto those around them.

Dr. Todd had warned me that it could quickly become unhealthy and counterproductive. Which is why staff closely monitored interactions between patients. Though I knew for a fact quite a few had entered into romantic relationships with each other while in treatment.

But Maria and I, we were just friends. But I knew my leaving would be hard for her. So hearing that she had left had me worried.

“Yeah, well, I was sort of sick of being there. I didn’t really feel like I was going to get any more out of it, you know?” I guess I could understand that, but I wasn’t convinced that was Maria’s reason for leaving.

“So, where are you then? Back with your grandma?” Maria lived with her grandmother in Boca Raton before she went to the Grayson center. Her biological father was in jail for abusing her when she was a child and Maria hadn’t heard from her mother since she was ten. So she had gone to live with her mother’s mother who happened to be a cosmetic executive and had more money than God. But thus had very little time for her emotionally scarred granddaughter. This had created the perfect environment for self-destructive behavior. Maria and I had more in common in ways that neither of us liked to acknowledge.

“Yeah, for now. I’m finishing up the last few credits for school. Blah, blah, blah. That’s not why I’m calling, Clay!” Maria squealed and I couldn’t help but laugh at her boisterous excitement.

“Okay, okay. Spill already before you have an aneurism.” Maria’s girlish laugh filled the other end of the phone and I found that I really did miss her and all of our friends back at Grayson. Even though I was there to deal with some heavy shit, in a way it was a hell of a lot simpler. Sure I was only living half a life, but it was an uncomplicated half a life.

“I’m coming to Virginia!” she rushed out and I stilled in surprise.

“You’re coming to Virginia? Why?” Okay, so I hadn’t meant to sound so unhappy by the idea. But hadn’t I just been thinking how uncomplicated my life was at Grayson’s? That didn’t mean I wanted that life to follow me on the outside. Compartmentalization was key.