Lost for You (Lost #2)(19)
Author: B.J. Harvey

“You and Devon need to head to LA and dig for some dirt on Harry Brimstone. Put pressure on those working underneath him, and find anything the boss can use as leverage. Now that Elle knows what’s going on…well, at least part of it, we need to move quickly before he decides to make another move,” I explain.

“You think he was behind the shooting?” he asks, not bothering to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Well, who else would it be? Gibbons pulled me out for a reason, and with all leads pointing to him working with Brimstone, it seems like the only plausible explanation.” I’m thinking out loud again.

He’s silent for a moment while he contemplates what I just said. “Hmm, well I suppose so, although I don’t think the shooter was a pro. Don’t get me wrong, he’s definitely done it before because he made sure not to leave a single trace at the scene, but something just didn’t seem right about him. He had the sketchiest eyes I’ve ever seen. “

“I still think it is best that you guys go there. The boss is behind us 100%. He wants to bring Brimstone down now as much as we do. No one f**ks with the boss and gets away with it. He wants payback.”

I hear Devon grunt behind me as he walks past the kitchen into the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and a disgruntled look on his face. “Loud f**kers,” he grumbles as he shuts the door behind him.

Shay and I crack up laughing. Devon has never been a morning person. A few moments later, we hear the toilet flush and Devon walk out. He makes a bee line for the coffee machine, not uttering a single word until he’s had a long first sip.

“Mornin’,” he says with a grin.

Damn, it’s good to be with the guys again. As much as I’d prefer to be wrapped up in all things Elle, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her broken face and eyes full of hurt right now, so I’m happy to just chill with Shay and Devon before they head to LA.

They’ve got a long drive ahead of them, but it’s the only way to get to LA without being traced. It’s our only chance to bring Brimstone down, and we’re not going to miss it.

I check my watch, realizing I’ve only got another hour before I need to take over from our backup who is watching Elle for me this morning. He’s a friend of Shay’s that we’ve recruited to help give us 24/7 cover until this whole thing is sorted. This way we can be sure that nothing is going to get by us. We’re going to get the f**ker, once and for all.

9

I’ve barely been able to function this morning. My heart is heavy, my head hurts, and a familiar shroud of darkness surrounds me.

This time yesterday I was happy. I’d been released from the hospital, and I’d been looking forward to coming back home with Brax. Now, I have no idea where Brax and I stand, and I’m confused as to why he skipped out on me while I was sleeping.

Maybe it is for the best right now. They still have to protect me, it’s their job, so it isn’t like he’s ever going to be far away, but damn it if I don’t miss him. My heart is aching in my chest at the thought of him not being here again. I just need some time to get my head around this whole f**ked up situation. Deep down, I know that he genuinely cares for me. Hell, he proved that last night by standing by me after seeing me stripped bare, both emotionally and physically. There was no lust in his eyes; they were filled with hurt, regret even. He intuitively knew what I needed from him last night and gave it to me.

Dammit, I’m going to text him anyway. I know I said I needed time, but he barged in last night, so theoretically I can change my mind, right?

Elle: Why did you leave before I woke up?

Brax: I didn’t want to crowd you. Just know that you’re still with me, even though I’m not there with you.

I put my phone in my pocket. What do I say to that? I take my coffee and sit down on the couch with my pillow on my side, protecting my ribs, and start watching a movie about a male strip club.

About half-way through the movie, I scoot down onto the pillow and fall asleep. This concentrated breathing thing really wears me out I’ve come to realize.

I wake up, having dreamed of wandering alone through my family home. There was no blood and no murderer there this time. It was like I’d travelled back in time and was doing a walkthrough. Everything was still in the same place as it had been when I’d left for camp. The piano that my mother used to play while my sister and I sang along with her, the desk where my father would sit with me and help me with my homework. Nothing had changed, but it felt different, almost cold. I woke up feeling unsettled.

Then it hits me. What if I’ve pushed Brax away for good? Did seeing me so defeated last night really scare him? I start hyperventilating, the lump in my throat rising up as the panic stifles me. Dammit, this can’t happen to me again. I cried enough tears last night to last a freaking lifetime and then some.

I try to slow my breathing, concentrating on a slow inhale before pausing and doing a slow exhale. It seems to be working. The lump subsides and I feel the tightness in my chest ease. Sitting up on the edge of the couch, and raking my hands through my hair, holding my head down against my knees as I realize I’m in too deep.

I need Brax in my life. I can’t contemplate a future without him in it. He is the sunlight in my perpetual darkness. I’m determined to fight for him and to hell with the consequences. I’m stronger with Brax by my side than I’ll ever be alone.

With nothing else to do other than rest, I start reading through some of my textbooks. I’ve been granted medical consideration, but now that I’m recovering, I need to catch up before finals begin in a month.

My mind starts to wander while I’m in the middle of a chapter about supply and demand. How the hell did Brax keep up with the school work when he wasn’t a real student? It’s hard enough when you’re a bona fide student, let alone when you’re working close protection too. That’s the definition of taking your job seriously. Why didn’t he just introduce himself to me and explain why he was suddenly thrust into my life?

I scoff at that thought because, if I’m honest with myself, I would not have let him in if he had come into my life any other way. I would have noticed him, of course, but I wouldn’t have even given him the time of day. But that doesn’t condone what he’s done; he deceived me.

What I don’t doubt is the depth of his feelings for me. I love him completely, and that is why his deception has hurt me so deeply. I need to get my head on straight before I can see him and talk this through.