Measuring Up(17)
Author: Nyrae Dawn

“There you go, ruining my fun. I was planning on kicking some serious llama ass, you know.”

I don’t reply, keeping my eyes forward until we reach the panda bears.

“Oh! Let’s stop here. I want to look.”

“Of course you do. Pandas are such a girl thing.”

My eyes roll. “And that’s such a boy thing to say.”

We’re the only ones at the Panda exhibit. It’s tucked into a little corner making it feel like there’s no one in the world but me, Tegan and the two bears I see behind the glass. The white on their fur is all dirty, but they’re still pretty.

“Sounds stupid, but they look so sweet. It’s like I could go in there and cuddle up with one.”

“Dangerous. You thought drool was deadly.”

“They don’t look it though. I mean, I know they are, but… let’s just say I get why people sleep with teddy bears at night. It’s like that’s what they’re meant for.” I hear the wind rustle through the trees around us. It’s almost like our day at the park and then I feel him, Tegan’s right behind me, his front against my back. The soap and ocean is all I know right now. This boy totally turns me into one of those swooning, love obsessed girls I used to make fun of. Right now, I’m swooning on the inside.

“Look.” He’s closer. Touching me, his breath a whisper in my hair, against my ear.

“Where?” My heart is going crazy. My voice all husky like I’m some seductress or something. It’s kind of cool, and I’m not even doing it on purpose. I couldn’t control my voice if I wanted to right now.

Tegan points and I try with everything in me to follow his finger, but all I can focus on is him. Surrounding me. Blanketing me.

“Over there. See in the back corner. It’s a baby. If the mama wasn’t in there, you could cuddle with that one.”

Really, I just want to cuddle with him. He’s going straight to my head. I suck in a breath. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I don’t know what to do or say right now. Do I move? Let him stand here all night if he wants to? I turn around. It’s even harder this way because his face is so close. So very close I can see a small chip in one of his teeth. Minty toothpaste mingles with his scent.

I bite my lips when he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. He’s smiling. I’m dying of shock over here and he’s smiling, but yeah, it’s a nice smile. Knowing or not, I can’t help but admire it.

Tegan leans closer to me. “Annabel Lee…”

“What?” Even to me, my voice sounds far off.

Closer…he’s closer. He’s going to kiss me. I’m caught between wanting to scream hallelujah and having a heart attack.

“What are we going to do with you?” I have no idea what his words mean, but I know what I want him to do with me. I want his lips on mine.

“I…I don’t know.”

And then his hand drops.

He steps away.

I want nothing more than to pull him back to me.

“We should keep going. Not much more time before we have to leave.”

I can’t help but feel rejected.

Chapter ThirteenPRIZES, RIDES, AND KISSES, OH MY!

“Okay, from what I hear, it’s bad date etiquette if I don’t feed you. What sounds good?”

We’re in the car, on our way to the fair. I’m a little hungry, but not much. Mostly, I’m just excited to get to the fair. Like I told him, I really do love rides and the games and the thought of playing them with Tegan, even if he did just leave me hanging, let’s just call it an extra bonus. “Um, it’s up to you. I’m not really all that hungry. I swear I won’t dock you date points.”

“How about something quick? We can run through a drive thru or something.” What am I thinking? It’s not as though McDonalds is on my diet. For some reason, it will hurt if he brings it up right now. Make all this seem like it’s not really the kind of date I’m hoping it is.

“If you’re cool with that, I am. We can eat in the car real quick and then head over.”

We go through McDonalds. I get a salad and Tegan gets a burger. “Tell me about Emily?” he asks while we’re eating in his car. His question surprises me, but also warms me. It’s time I realize this guy might really want to know me. I want to know everything about him too.

“She’s great. We’ve been best friends since we were little. We’re both,” Ugh, I don’t want to talk about this part. “Let’s just say neither of us would be starring in a teen movie unless we’re the ones getting shoved into lockers.” Sure, that’s kind of making it sound worse than it is, but that’s how it feels sometimes.

“I hate high school. It’s shitty. Most people there are shitty, trying to be on top because they know it’s the only time in their life they will be. I’m glad to be out of it.”

If at all possible, my heart softens toward him even more. One look at Tegan and you know he would be the kind of guy who would date cheerleaders and be friends with Billy Mason, but I also know Tegan would never treat people the way Billy does. He’d never sit back and let it happen like Billy’s friends either.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I look over at him and smile. “You’re a good guy. I mean, nice. That’s nice…You’re nice.”

Something in the way he looks at me changes. A little glow to his deep, woodsy eyes. Like a bonfire, the dark wood crackling with light. But then he shakes it off, throwing water on the fire. Somehow, I know he knows I’m not ready for whatever that look meant. “That just might be the best compliment I’ve ever gotten. You’re not so bad yourself, Annabel Lee.” He takes my trash from me, gets out of the car and throws it away before we’re on our way to the fair.

***

“I bet I can make more baskets than you.” Tegan hands the man at the basketball stand some cash.

“You only say that because you saw my awesome basketball skills with your brother. Are you supposed to be offering to win me something instead of challenging me?”

“Nope. I’m all for equal rights between girls and guys. This, baby, is a challenge. But just to spice things up a little, if you win, you have to give me your prize and if I win, I’ll give you mine.”

Baby… It just might be my new favorite word. “Equal opportunity my butt. You just said you knew you could win. You’re trying to win me something on the sly. What if I want to win something for you?”

Tegan winks. “Then you’ll have to beat me.”

Of course I don’t. We play twice and he wins both times, giving me two little stuffed animals. I’m not sure I’ve ever laughed so much in my life. We play almost every game here. Multiple times, I offer to pay. He’s blowing way too much money on this date, especially when, from what his mom said, he’s been trying to save it. Every time he waves me off and tell me I will get it next time, but he also said he’s taking me to dinner next, too. He was right. He does always get his way.

After we do the game thing for a while, we hit up some rides. In between each one, Tegan holds my hand and I’m starting to get used to the feel of my smaller one wound up with his. It’s like we’ve been doing this much longer than just one day.

Evening comes and goes, night settling in, little twinkles of light dotting the sky. The night is ending too fast.

“We have time for one more. I’m going to be cheesy with this one, but Ferris Wheel?” he asks.

“It’s my favorite.” Hand and hand, we walk over to it. As we’re in line I freeze. No. No, no, no. Billy Mason is standing on the other side of the ride. Patrick and crew, along with all their girlfriends. Just seeing them threatens to magically erase the fun of the night. What if they see us? What if they say something in front of Tegan? I think I’d die.

“What’s wrong?”

I shake my head.

“Come on. You know I won’t let it go until you tell me.”

He won’t and I want to end this part of the conversation as quickly as I can. “The kings and queens of Hillcrest High. I just…I don’t want to see them.”

Like always, he knows the perfect thing to say. “Fuck ‘em. They look like idiots anyway.”

He’s right. Billy keeps trying to grab Queen Cheerleader’s butt. Patrick is watching his moves and trying to photo copy them with someone else. They’re stumbling around like a bunch of losers. Somehow, our hands have come unlatched, but this time, it’s me who grabs his. “Come on. We’re next.”

Once we’re taking the rounds on the Ferris Wheel, I completely forget about anything but Tegan and this night. His arm is around me. Me, as we go round and round, taking in the sites of the fair and all the people below. Running the risk of sounding like a total girlie-girl, it’s perfect.

“My parents used to love the fair. They brought us a lot when we were younger.”

His words surprise me. It’s the first time he’s brought up more than his mom or Tim. “Can I ask, where he is? If you don’t want to answer, that’s okay.” I hope my words don’t ruin our night. We’ve tried to steer clear of the bad stuff.

“Typical thing.” His grip on me tightens. “Didn’t want to deal with his responsibilities so he left.”

So many pieces of Tegan start to fall into place. Why he’s so fiercely loyal and protective of his family. He won’t let them get hurt again, even if that means doing everything he can for them rather than himself.

But no apologies. “Sucks.”

He gives me another squeeze. This one seems to say, thank you.

Too soon it’s over and we’re getting out of the ride. I don’t even know if Billy and his gang are still here because I don’t take the time to look. The fairgrounds are emptying out, the rides closing down and we’re walking hand in hand to his car.

When we get there, I try to open the passenger door, but Tegan stops me. It’s a replay of our moment by the bears.

My hands are shaking as Tegan steps so very close to me. I’m probably the only almost-eighteen-year-old girl in the world who has never kissed a boy. I wonder will I be different. After the next minute, if my life will shift from before kiss to after kiss.

His hand is in my hair again, but this time, he’s not just putting it behind my ear. He’s threading his fingers through it like he does with our hands. His palm’s buried deep, resting on the back of my neck.

Yes, I think this kiss will definitely make my life different.

Even though it’s dark there’s a streetlight making it so I can see him. Who the heck knows what else is around us, cars, people, an atomic bomb. All I know is us.

“I like you, Annabel Lee.” I’m boxed in between Tegan and his car. His chest touches me.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you’re pretty…funny…smart…sarcastic… and you get it. Get me. Get my family.”

I don’t even doubt his words. How can I doubt anything he says?

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asks.