Measuring Up(26)
Author: Nyrae Dawn

“I love Tegan and I can never forgive you for even thinking that about him. I’m done. We’re out of here.”

Tegan stands too. “Annabel Lee, maybe you should—”

“No. I’m not staying. I’m not talking.” I look at Dad and he gives me a small nod. Without another word, Tegan takes my hand and we walk out. A couple minutes later we’re in his car, driving away. Neither of us talk. I don’t trust my voice. If it’s even half as broken as my heart, I know nothing that comes out will make any sense. I relive her words over and over and hear what she’s really saying. That I’m not good enough. Why would any good looking boy like me?

Tegan’s driving fast. It only takes us about fifteen minutes to get to his house. I shake my head. “I can’t be around anyone else right now.”

“I know. They’re gone for the night. Timmy had an out of town appointment with a specialist. They’re staying at a hotel.”

As if there aren’t enough emotions swirling inside me, I’m suddenly hit with more. “I am so sorry! You should have told me. We could have done this another night. I mean, not that it went well, but you shouldn’t have missed Tim’s appointment to have dinner with my family. I know you like to go.”

He reaches out and cups my cheek. “Hey, don’t do that. Not right now. I told you, I wanted to have dinner with your parents. I go to most of Timmy’s appointments. It’s not going to hurt me to miss one.”

Words escape me. I’m not as good at them as he is. It’s always so much harder for me to find the right thing to say. Because this… this is big. He did this for me. Buying time, I look around us. We’re in his garage. How did I not realize we were already parked in his garage? “Thank you. For everything, I mean.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. You’re…being with you is the first thing I’ve done for me in a long time. We’re a team. When are you going to realize that?”

His words are the air I breathe. The fluid that hydrates me. The food that nourishes me. They’re everything, giving me everything I need.

He takes a few breaths. “Your mom? That sucks. I do think she was trying to protect you, in her own screwed up way.”

I shake my head and look at my lap. “I wish. I’ve never been what she wants, but…I don’t want to talk about her right now. I just want to forget that dinner ever happened.”

Tegan’s finger slides beneath my chin and he turns my head so it’s facing him. “I’m not sure I can forget it, Annabel Lee. I learned something pretty damn crucial tonight.”

In my mind, I try and replay our evening. Try and figure out what he possibly could have learned that’s so important.

He takes a deep breath. “I can see the wheels working. Should I put you out of your misery and tell you what it is? Or…I can always hold the information as ransom. You know, to get what I want out of you.”

“If you don’t tell me, I might have to introduce you to my hook again.”

Tegan leans forward. “No, I don’t want my ass kicked again, so I’ll tell you.” Closer still, he’s leaning across the seat. “I found out you feel the same way as I do.”

“Huh?”

“You love me…” My eyes widen as I look at him. How could I have forgotten? I’d told my parents I love Tegan and he’d been sitting right there. I admitted it to him and now here he is saying…

“I love you too, Annabel Lee.”

Tingling excitement builds in my belly, exploding in every direction like the final fireworks display on Fourth of July. It reaches every piece of me from the tip of my head to my toes. There has to be a cheesy smile on my face that probably touches each of my ears, but I don’t care because this is Tegan and I can be cheesy and dorky around him and he’ll still…love me.

“I take it this is good news?” With his thumb, he traces my lips. I giggle. Yes, giggle. I don’t care either.

“That’s part of it right there. I love your laugh. Love how you make me feel good. You make me want to find the good in everything. Make me realize there are good people out there. People who will always stick by your side.”

Swoon! “I love you.” It feels good to say it. Right to say it.

“I love you too.” His fingers slide from my face and into my hair. “How about we go inside? We can eat since dinner got screwed up. Watch a movie or something. Just hang out. Forget about everything else.” Tegan leans forward. Now it’s his mouth instead of his fingers tracing my lips. “Make out.”

I force myself to pull away. “What are we waiting for?”

Chapter Twenty

SECRETS AND LOVE

Before we do anything, I text Dad, tell him I’ll be home tomorrow and tell him not to worry. I know he won’t be happy, but I think he’ll understand. Okay, maybe understand isn’t the right word, but he’ll see why I can’t be home with her tonight. Or maybe I’m delusional, which is why I turn my phone off so I won’t get any texts demanding me to come home. This way, I don’t have to directly disobey an order. It’s not my fault my battery died. Or so my excuse will go.

We throw a quick dinner together, interrupted only by a slight food fight that I swear I didn’t start. The mustard accidentally flew off the butter knife and hit him. Totally not my fault, but I’m still a little miffed Tegan got to be the one to end it. Stupid boys.

“I’m a mess and I have no clothes to wear.” It looks like you could make a sandwich out of my shirt there’s so much mustard and mayonnaise on it. Food isn’t a real flattering look, by the way.

“Come on. I’ll get you one of my shirts.”

I follow Tegan to his room. He pulls a plain white t-shirt out of his drawer and tosses it at me. Instantly I wonder if it will smell like him. Like his ocean and soap, but I don’t want to look like a weirdo by taking a sniff.

“You can change in here. I’ll go clean up your mess.”

“My mess?”

“Yep,” he teases and then he’s gone, leaving the door open behind him.

I stare at the opening and wonder if I should close it. There’s no one here except the two of us and he knows I’m changing so he probably won’t come back in. That’s when it hits me. I wouldn’t care if he came back in. If he saw me in a way no other boy had before. Actually, I want him to. You’d think that realization would surprise me, but it doesn’t. It’s already nuzzled up inside me and taken residence there. This need to share something with him, to see a part of him and show him a part of me.

Gah! I’ve totally turned into a horny teenage boy!

Rolling my eyes, I pull my shirt over my head and slide his on. It’s tight over my chest, which is embarrassing. I look like I might burst out of it, but I’m surrounded in his scent, in something that’s his, so that’s what I try and focus on.

“Kitchen’s clean. I need to change my shirt too real quick and I’ll wash them both.” He has his back to me as he grabs another shirt out of his drawer. He rips off the dirty one and tosses it in the basket next to him. My breath hitches. I’d forgotten what he looks like without a shirt. All tight, golden skin. The tattoo on his arm. The way his shorts aren’t overly baggy, but enough that I still get to see his strip of boxers.

“Toss your shirt in the basket,” he’s turning as he talks to me. A smile tilts half his mouth. “Are you checking me out, Annabel Lee?”

After all this time, I shouldn’t, but I blush.

Tegan walks over to me. “You can look all you want, ya know? Look or don’t look. It’s all up to you, but I can say, if the situation were reversed, I’d definitely want to explore every part of you.”

A baseball slides down my throat. I want. Believe me, I totally want, but all of a sudden, those pesky nerves shove their way in. I’m scared if I do touch, I won’t want to stop and I need to warm myself up to the idea a little more. “I want to…to know every part of you too, but maybe…I’m sorry—”

He quiets me with his mouth. It’s not the kind of kiss I’m used to from him. There’s no tongue. No open mouths tasting each other, just a quick, hard push of his lips against mine. “Shh, no excuses, no apologies and no pressure.” He pulls the shirt over his head and I instantly miss the sight. “Now come on. I need you to show me how to work the washer.”

It’s an excuse and I know it. I’ve seen the way Tegan and his family are together and there’s no way this boy doesn’t wash his own clothes, but I’m glad for the distraction.

We start the laundry and then eat our soup and sandwiches. Tegan grabs a set of cards and I beat him two out of three games of Rummy. He pretends to be all surly about it and I pretend to gloat.

“Wanna watch a movie?”

I tell him yes as we sit on his couch. Tegan grabs the remote and we go through the movies and buy one of the new release comedies.

“What are you doing way over there?” Tegan pats the couch beside him and I close the two feet we’d had between us. When he puts an arm around me, I nuzzle against him. “That’s better.”

I giggle. Stupid, giggle.

It’s hard for me to pay much attention to the movie. I laugh at a few places, but not as many as he does. I can’t stop focusing on the way his fingers are drawing circles on my arm. The way he holds me like he wants nothing more than for me to be next to him. I still can’t believe it. Out of all the girls he could have. Girls like Pammie, he’s chosen me to hold. Me to watch a movie with, to jog with, to kiss and talk to. It’s me he says he loves. The first and only guy I’ve ever loved loves me too. How did I get here?

I’m so lost in thought. So lost in Tegan that I don’t realize the credits are rolling until he talks to me.

“You’re quiet over there. Are you thinking about your mom?”

Ugh, I wasn’t, but now I hear all her words again. All the comments she’s made to me over the years. The way I’m good enough for Tegan, but not for her. “I would have done anything to make her happy. For her to like who I am, but now…it’s like I realize it’ll probably never happen.”

“Hey. No.” He turns and so do I. We’re looking at each other now. “She loves you. That stuff she said to me? That’s because she wants to make sure I’m not screwing around with you. I just, I don’t know. I don’t think she really knows how to talk to you, or something, but don’t think you’re not good enough. And don’t ever think she feels that either.”

Everything inside me perks up at his words. They’re comforting even though I’m not sure they’re true. “She likes things perfect. I’m not perfect.”

“Who the f**k is? I know I’m not. All we can do is the best we can. You’re incredible, Annabel Lee. The way you are with Timmy. The basketball with him and the card games. The way you keep me around even though I don’t tell you nearly the things you tell me. It’s impossible to know you and not see how incredible you are.”