Midnight Tides
‘I haven’t a clue,’ Tehol said. ‘So, what’s the news?’
‘I found her.’
‘Great.’
‘But we’ll have to go and get her.’
‘Go outside?’
‘Yes.’
‘Into the rain?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well,’ Tehol said, resuming his pacing, ‘I don’t like that at all. Too risky.’
‘Risky?’
‘Why, yes. Risky. I might get wet. Especially now that I don’t have a rain hat.’
‘And whose fault is that, I wonder?’
‘It was already smouldering, sitting so close to the hearth. I barely nudged it with my toe and up it went.’
‘I was drying it out.’
Tehol paused in mid-step, studied Bugg for a moment, then resumed pacing. ‘It’s a storm,’ he said after a moment. ‘Storms pass. I need a reason to procrastinate.’
‘Yes, master.’
Tehol swung round and approached Ublala Pung. ‘Most beloved bodyguard, whatever is wrong?’
Red-rimmed eyes stared up at him. ‘You’re not interested. Not really. Nobody is.’
‘Of course I’m interested. Bugg, I’m interested, aren’t I? It’s my nature, isn’t it?’
‘Absolutely, master. Most of the time.’
‘It’s the women, isn’t it, Ublala? I can tell.’
The huge man nodded miserably.
‘Are they fighting over you?’
‘Have you fallen for one of them?’
‘That’s just it. I haven’t had a chance to.’
Tehol glanced over at Bugg, then back to Ublala. ‘You haven’t had a chance to. What a strange statement. Can you elaborate?’
‘It’s not fair, that’s what it is. Not fair. You won’t understand. It’s not a problem you have. I mean, what am I? Am I to be nothing but a toy? Just because I have a big-’
‘Hold on a moment,’ Tehol cut in. ‘Let’s see if I fully understand you, Ublala. You feel they’re just using you. Interested only in your, uh, attributes. All they want from you is sex. No commitment, no loyalty even. They’re happy taking turns with you, taking no account of your feelings, your sensitive nature. They probably don’t even want to cuddle afterwards or make small talk, right?’
Ublala nodded.
‘And all that is making you miserable?’
He nodded again, snuffling, his lower lip protruding, his broad mouth downturned at the corners, a muscle twitching in his right cheek.
Tehol stared for a moment longer, then he tossed up his hands. ‘Ublala! Don’t you understand? You’re in a man’s paradise! What all the rest of us can only dream about!’
‘But I want something more!’
‘No! You don’t! Trust me! Bugg, don’t you agree? Tell him!’
Bugg frowned, then said, ‘It is as Tehol says, Ublala. Granted, a tragic truth, and granted, Master’s nature is to revel in tragic truths, which to many might seem unusual, unhealthy even-’
‘Thanks for the affirmation, Bugg,’ Tehol interrupted with a scowl. ‘Go clean up, will you?’ He faced Ublala again. ‘You are at the pinnacle of male achievement, my friend – wait! Did you say it’s not a problem I have? What did you mean by that?’
Ublala blinked. ‘What? Uh, are you at that pinnacle, or whatever you called it – are you at it too?’
Bugg snorted. ‘He hasn’t been at it in months.’
‘Well, that’s it!’ Tehol stormed to the hearth and plucked out what was left of the matted reeds. He stamped out the flames, then picked the charred object up and set it on his head. ‘All right, Bugg, let’s go and get her. As for this brainless giant here, he can mope around all alone in here, for all I care. How many insults can a sensitive man like me endure, anyway?’
Wisps of smoke drifted from the reeds on Tehol’s head.
‘That’s about to take flame again, master.’
‘Well, that’s what’s good about rain, then, isn’t it? Let’s go.’
Outside in the narrow aisle, water streamed ankle-deep towards the clogged drain at the far end, where a small lake was forming. Bugg a half-step in the lead, they sloshed their way across its swirling, rain-pocked expanse.
‘You should be more sympathetic to Ublala, master,’ Bugg said over a shoulder. ‘He’s a very unhappy man.’
‘Sympathy belongs to the small-membered, Bugg. Ublala has three women drooling all over him, or have you forgotten?’