Mortal Danger

“And I bet it was magical,” I said drily.

“She was drunk and I was in a hurry. If she remembered more about it, I doubt she’d come back for seconds.”

“No offense, but that’s pretty gross.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t do it again.”

“Is that why you haven’t pressed?” Kian had given me signs that he wanted me, and that it wasn’t easy to stop at times.

“No. I figured you’d tell me when the time was right. Before I made the deal to protect you, I had all the time in the world.”

I considered asking about the Harbinger, but did it really matter? One emergency at a time, and Wedderburn constituted the pressing problem. After I got him out of this mess, then we’d deal with the next crisis. Kian might’ve already accepted that he was terminal, but I’d do anything to save him. Too many people had already died because of me.

Part of me wanted to sleep with him, but with so much darkness looming and my mother’s death close at hand, I’d never recover if this was my first time. So I didn’t offer. Sex should be about love or pleasure, not sadness. Unless you listened to my dad, in which case, it should only be undertaken to save the world from a meteor. Or something.

I started, “I can’t—”

“I wouldn’t, even if you said yes.”

“Can we make out?”

“I’m willing to go that far.” His smile reached his eyes for the first time in months. This was the reason behind his emotional distance; now that I knew how far he’d gone for me, Kian could be himself again.

Kian slid onto his side and I faced him. This was different from kisses in a parked car or furtive moments on the sofa. He cupped my face in his hand as my lashes drifted down. Shards of glass slid in and out of my heart as I realized he’d given me my first kiss, and I might be giving him his last. His mouth brushed mine, once, twice. I laced my hands in his hair. He kissed me deep and deeper still, a lush sweetness blooming between us, more than chemicals, more than chemistry.

He ran his hands down my back, tugging me closer. His muscles felt lean and strong beneath my hands. Sex was a bad idea, but if he kept touching me, I’d soon be willing to make him my favorite mistake. As if he had the same thought, he buried his face in the curve between my neck and shoulder, breath coming in hot puffs.

“Hurts,” he managed. “How much I want you.”

“I know.” I had the same ache, growing stronger with each brush of his mouth.

With shaking hands, he held me to him. I wrapped my legs around his, only half knowing what I was doing. “Stop. Edie, stop.”

But neither of us did. It felt too good.

“Okay. Okay.” Kian muttered the words, trying to calm down, but I didn’t let go.

“This. Not sex, this.” And I moved, showing him what I wanted, what I could accept.

Our clothes were still on, and I couldn’t breathe for wanting him. He groaned as he rolled on top of me, giving in. It might not be enough for him, but for me—yes. Definitely. I shifted and rocked, until I shivered uncontrollably, unable to believe it could be this wonderful with all of my clothes on. His mouth was on mine, and he arched on top of me, breathing me in. One push, another, quick and convulsive.

“Jesus.” He scattered kisses all over my face.

“This is my promise to you. When I’m eighteen? We’ll revisit this subject.” Not sleeping with him was my way of keeping hope alive and proof that I didn’t accept his fate.

We held each other until it became necessary to clean up. For me that wasn’t a problem, but he showered and changed. His expression when he came out of the bathroom was priceless. Love flooded through me, though science might argue this was only a result of the endorphins.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Another Einstein saying, one of my favorites—and until this moment, I had no idea what it meant.

“You look pleased with yourself,” he mumbled.

“There are a ton of reasons why I shouldn’t be … but at the moment, they all seem really far away.”

“I know what you mean.” He padded to bed, barefoot, and snuggled me against his chest, my favorite place in the world.

As I listened to his heartbeat, a possible solution knocked at the edges of my brain, but I was exhausted. Epiphany danced around the perimeter of my mind, refusing to coalesce. Kian ran his fingers through my hair, a sweet cycle that sent shivers through me. I kissed his shoulder; he made a delicious noise.

“Was that too much?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t have tried to get you to do that … but it was perfect. Are you okay?”

“No virginal remorse on my end. Hey…”

“Hm?”

“Since we watched Casablanca the other night, can we watch Notorious now? You said it’s your other favorite.”

Obviously pleased that I’d remembered, Kian got up to put in the DVD. “This is your chance, ask for anything. It’s impossible for me to say no to you right now.”

Don’t die. Don’t leave me.

But those were cruel favors to ask, not within his ability to grant. And those were the terms, right? What we ask will always be within your power to fulfill. The revelation brightened, like a new light bulb, and then it fizzled and winked out. Dammit. You’re supposed to be smart. Figure out how to help him. He’s in this mess because he cares so much about protecting you. And I couldn’t even get mad at him over it.

“Just the movie.”

“You probably think I’m weird for liking the oldies, huh?”

“No. But I’m curious what got you started on them.”

“Our housekeeper,” he answered, surprising me. “On Saturday nights, she always watched the late show, and I was a lonely kid. At first, it was mostly the thrill of staying up past my bedtime, but I came to love the classics as much as she did.”

“Do you still talk to her?”

He shook his head, and without him saying so, I realized that she was gone. Not like his mother, in and out of rehab. But gone. Like my mom. Rather than say something stupid, awkward, or insensitive, I scooted over, so he could sit next to me. The mattress dipped.

Kian put an arm around me, clicking play on the remote. Ingrid Bergman came to glorious life while Cary Grant was smooth, inscrutable, and charming. They both had undeniable glamour, maybe because I didn’t know about their cheating habits or their secret addictions. Beside me, Kian was smiling, lost in the movie, but every now and then, he kissed my temple, reminding me that we were together.