Nerd Gone Wild (Nerds, #3)(23)
Author: Vicki Lewis Thompson

“That’s fine,” Mitchell said.

But Ally was still concerned that his feelings were hurt. “Not me,” she said. “I like saying the whole thing. Mitchell. It has a nice lilt to it.”

She wondered what she’d call him if they ended up in the same bed. Mitch was a shorter name, and at moments like that, you didn’t want to waste your breath on extra syllables. Having sex with a guy named Mitch did seem a shade more exciting, come to think of it. And she was definitely thinking about it.

“So as I was telling Ally,” Rudy said. “I want to do something for you guys since you’re gonna help me locate Lurleen.”

“Yeah, how are you going to help Rudy locate Lurleen?”

“Through the Internet,” Mitchell said. “It’s amazing what you can do with the Internet these days.”

“I suppose so.” She laughed. “For a minute there, it sounded like you were getting into the PI business.”

“Me?”

“I know. Far-fetched. But it ran through my mind.”

Rudy looked at them expectantly. “So aren’t you gonna ask me what special thing I’m gonna do for you?”

“You could surprise us,” Ally said.

“No, he couldn’t,” Mitch said. “I like knowing what’s coming. What’s the plan, Rudy?”

Rudy beamed, showing off his gap-toothed smile. “Snowmobiles, that’s what!”

“Yeah?” Mitch sat up straighter. “You have snowmobiles?”

“Two of them. I rode one in and towed the other one.” He turned to Ally. “Wanna go for a ride?”

She hesitated, not really crazy about the idea. But Rudy seemed so eager, and even Mitchell looked interested. “It sounds like fun, but… doesn’t it scare the animals?”

Rudy blinked as if he’d never considered that. “I suppose you could, if you ran right into a herd of caribou, but I didn’t have that in mind.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Mitch said. “It’s all about operating them sensibly, right?”

“That’s what I do. Operate ‘em sensibly. Now once in a while, you might have to jump over a drift, but I know what I’m doing.”

“Right.” Mitch nodded. “It’s all in the technique.”

Ally wasn’t fooled for a minute. They both could hardly wait to get those machines up to top speed and try all sorts of fancy-dancy maneuvers. They didn’t care if they terrified whatever creatures might be in the vicinity.

Even stodgy Mitchell was salivating at the idea. Ally decided she’d better go just to keep those two in check. She’d take her camera along, on the rare chance they didn’t scatter all the animals as they charged over the snow.

“I never try to hurt nothin’,” Rudy said. “It’s just for fun. See, I have two snowmobiles, on account of I bought Lurleen her own, and she left it here in Porcupine.” He paused. “She left a lot of stuff. All she really took was…” He cleared his throat. “My heart.”

“Oh, Rudy.” Ally put her hand on his arm and gave it a little squeeze. “I have a strong feeling that Mitchell will locate her for you. I’m sure this story will have a happy ending.”

“I’ll do my best, buddy,” Mitchell said.

“I hope when you find her she still has that heart,” Rudy said. “I paid Serena a pretty penny for it.”

Ally did a double take. “Excuse me?” She glanced over at Mitchell, who shrugged as if he had no clue what was going on.

“It was a thing of beauty,” Rudy said. “Polished so nice, made out of rose quartz. It was supposed to be a paperweight, but I don’t have any papers. I just liked holding it, you know? It felt good in my hand. I miss that heart.”

Okay, so Mitchell needed to find Lurleen and see if she still had Rudy’s paperweight. The job seemed a little less urgent than it had a moment ago.

“Anyway,” Rudy continued, “I can take Ally up behind me and let Mitchell handle his own if he thinks he can do that. Want to try them out?”

“Definitely, but I should do something about Quillamina Sharp,” Mitchell said. “I don’t want Dave to come in and discover his interpretive art has been compromised.”

“Go on over and settle your bill, and while you’re at it, ask Clyde to take her up to his room over the bar,” Rudy suggested. “You can get her later.”

“I’ll do that.” He stood and walked over to the bar where Clyde was polishing glasses. In no time, Quillamina was undressed and whisked upstairs.

“Mitch seems excited about the snowmobiles,” Rudy said.

“Yes, he does.”

“But you’re not so excited, are you? Lurleen wasn’t, either.”

“Maybe it’s a guy thing.”

Rudy looked worried. “But you’ll go, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.”

He grinned. “You’ll like it better’n you think, Ally.”

Moments later, they were headed out the door with Rudy. But Ally still didn’t know if Mitchell had found an operational vending machine during his visit to the men’s room.

Letting Rudy go ahead, she paused and turned back to Mitchell. “By the way, any luck with that other matter?”

“I managed to get one, and then the machine jammed.”

So he had one. That was enough to affect her pulse rate. “It’s only insurance, anyway. One’s plenty.”

He gave her a long look. “Ally, if we end up using that insurance, one won’t be nearly enough.”

Her pulse rate shot off the charts.

* * *

“So here we are, and this backwater town hasn’t even plowed the road!” Vivian sat staring out through the windshield at the drifts across the country lane leading to Porcupine. “Now what?”

Kurt hadn’t counted on this. An unplowed road into a. populated area didn’t make sense. “I can’t understand why it’s not plowed,” he said. “They must need to get in and out. They must want their mail, for God’s sake.”

“Maybe everybody died.”

“That’s gruesome, Viv. I’m sure they didn’t all die. They just have a problem with this road, for some reason.”

“And we have a little problem, too, don’t we? Once again, we’re sitting on the shoulder of the road. You’re lucky that cop gave up following you, or she’d be sitting behind us, twirling her cute little lights and wondering whether or not we operated our vibrator while our vehicle was moving.”

Kurt groaned. “Don’t remind me.” He’d driven for twenty long miles with the cop behind him matching his speed and Vivian beside him moaning and writhing on the seat. Twenty miles with a hard-on and no place to put it. Finally the cop had passed them with a wave. Vivian had waved the vibrator. Kurt could only hope the cop hadn’t noticed.

“It’s too late to go back,” Vivian said. “I’ve had enough traveling for one day. I want French cuisine, a hot bath, and a rundown.”

Kurt decided not to mention that even if they made it to Porcupine she wouldn’t be getting any of those things. He’d been deliberately vague about the amenities at the Loose Moose Lodge. Vivian wouldn’t be happy that there were no tubs, only shower stalls in each bathroom.

In tourist season she might have had to share the bathroom, something she’d never do. But at this time of year Kurt was sure she’d get her own, especially after he introduced her as Tanya Mandell.

“Well, Kurt? Any bright ideas? We can’t just sit here. I need to relax.”

He studied the drifts. His truck had snow tires, and on TV they’d shown this very model charging right through drifts, spraying snow everywhere. There had been that disclaimer about it being a closed course, but still, the snow hadn’t stopped the truck.

If he barreled through the snow and made it to Porcupine because he’d been smart enough to buy this badass truck that could take on anything, that would impress Vivian. He needed to get on her good side before he checked her into the Loose Moose. If she went into this situation convinced that he had his shit together, that would be a good thing.

He put the truck in four-wheel drive and stepped on the gas.

“Kurt! What in God’s name are you doing?”

He narrowed his eyes and gripped the wheel. “I’m going through.” The front tires hit the snow with a satisfying crunch, sending out eight-foot plumes on either side, just like on the commercial.

“Are you insane? We can’t make it through all that snow!”

“Just watch me, baby.” The truck roared, the snow sprayed in all directions, and then… they stopped. He stepped on the gas and the tires whined as they spun uselessly against packed snow. He glanced in the side mirror. They were buried up to the top of the wheel well.

“That certainly was brilliant. What do you do for an encore?”

Kurt hit the steering wheel with both hands. “False advertising, that’s what it is! They shouldn’t be allowed to show things on TV unless the average guy can do it! When we get home I’m suing the bastards!”

Vivian sighed and leaned back against the headrest. “I’m trapped in a truck with an idiot who believes what he sees in commercials. It would serve me right to freeze to death out here, because I knew you’d find a way to screw this up, Kurt Jarrett.”

“Nobody’s going to freeze to death.”

“Oh, no? You don’t have enough gas to run the heater all night.”

Kurt fought a sense of panic. “Someone will come along.”

“Kurt, the road’s not plowed. If this road’s not plowed, we can’t expect anyone to come along, now can we? Besides, it’s starting to get dark. People with any sense have gone home by now, so they don’t have to deal with the ice.”

“We’ll stay in the fifth wheel.” He felt better knowing that the fifth wheel was back there, even though the fifth wheel might have been the reason the truck didn’t fly through the snow, now that he thought about it.

“The fifth wheel is heated by electricity, remember? You have to hook up to an electrical supply. See any plugs? We could tear pieces off the furniture inside the fifth wheel and burn it, but I’ll bet you it’s not real wood. Burning it will probably give off gases that can kill you. So we have a choice of freezing to death or being asphyxiated. Which method do you prefer?”

“I think I hear something.”

Vivian blew out a breath. “You’re grasping at straws. There’s nobody out here but us, hanging out right here in the lovely white snowdrift. At least I have my vibrator. Maybe that’s how I’ll go out, making myself come until I croak. I wonder if anyone’s ever—”

“Shh! I think there’s a tractor working around that bend in the road.”

“Watch your language, bud. That sounded like an order.”

He was concentrating so hard on what might be a tractor that he didn’t let himself worry about whether he’d given her an order or not. “Don’t you hear it?”

She tilted her head to listen. “Now that you mention it, I do. Maybe we’re both delirious.”

“For crying out loud, Viv. We’ve been stuck here about five minutes.”

“Don’t get uppity with me, mister! You’re the one who’s put us in harm’s way, and don’t think Vivian’s about to forget this, either. Assuming that really is a tractor and we’re going to get out of here, you’ll have some big debts to pay to Vivian. Yes, you will.”

Kurt shuddered. Whenever Vivian started speaking about herself in the third person, he was in for it. He might be on sexual detention for the next month. But the noise of a motor got louder, so at least he wouldn’t end up frozen in a truck cab with a woman welded to her vibrator.

Finally the tractor appeared around the bend. Kurt lay on the horn.

Vivian covered her ears. “Was that really necessary? I think he could probably see us. We’re considerably bigger than a breadbox.”

“I wanted him to know we need help.”

“That’s obvious, isn’t it? Not many people sit here up to the fenders in snow because they intended to do that.” She leaned forward and peered at the tractor driver. “He looks sort of cute.”

“Vivian, do you remember what we read about Tanya Mandell’s sexual preferences?”

“You mean that she’s gay? Of course I remember.”

“That means you can’t be making eyes at any of the men in Porcupine.” Kurt had been quite relieved to find out Tanya Mandell’s sexual persuasion. Vivian couldn’t have sex with him while they were here, but she couldn’t have sex with any other guy, either.

She gave him a sly smile. “Then maybe I’ll hit on your niece.”

“That would not be a good idea.”

“Why not? I’ve always wondered if I could swing both ways. Now’s the perfect time to find out. For all you know, she’d welcome my attentions.”

“I know you’re only pulling my chain. You wouldn’t really put the moves on Ally.” He glanced over at her. “Would you?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll see what mood I’m in when we finally get to this godforsaken place. I might be in need of some extra entertainment, and like I said, I’ve never done it with a girl. That’s probably a gap in my education.”

Kurt clenched his jaw. He wouldn’t mind watching her try that sometime, but this wasn’t the right setting. Sometimes he didn’t know if Vivian was more of a liability than an asset. She was such a loose cannon.

But then he’d remember how she looked in one of her black leather dominatrix outfits and he couldn’t imagine splitting up. The population of Alaska was small, and the frontier atmosphere suited him. But that also meant he didn’t have a large pool of S and M folks to draw from. If he lost Vivian, he’d have to make another trek down to Vegas and hang around the S and M club there, knowing his chances of finding someone as wild as Viv were small. She was unique.