Never Forget (Memories #1)(24)
Author: Emma Hart

Lexy looks between us and I know she can sense the mood shift. ”Should I ask?”

”You can always ask,” Mum says. ”It’s one of the best stories, in fact.” She laughs softly. ”When Alec was seven, his Dad took him fishing. Steve preferred a bait called ‘Power Bait’. He planned for Alec to use worms on his kiddie fishing rod but Alec wanted some ‘Masturbate.”’

I rub my chin and smile at the memory. Lexy smiles softly.

”We tried not to laugh, but we couldn’t help it. Photography is one of my passions so I was there with them to document their trip. Anyway, after a couple of hours of Alec’s continuous masturbate requests he finally caught a fish. He had no idea what it was and when he asked Steve, Steve said ‘it’s a chub, buddy. Well done.’ Alec, still innocent, jumped up and down screaming ‘Daddy! Mummy! I used masturbate and caught my first chub!”’ Mum’s eyes fill with tears and she blinks them away.

I can’t take it. I can’t listen to him be talked about.

”Excuse me.” I stand and walk into the back garden, the night settling onto me.

ALEXIS

I watch Alec go, his slumped shoulders, the pain in his eyes.

”Did we say something wrong?” I ask Jo, noticing she’s trying not to cry. I touch her hand.

”No, no, honey we didn’t.” She sniffs and I squeeze her hand. ”He really hasn’t told you much about himself, has he?”

”Apparently not,” I say softly.

”Steve – Alec’s Dad – died three years ago in a car crash. He’d been to Bristol for a meeting and took the back roads to save getting caught in traffic. It was raining and pretty dark. Some younger guy came speeding round the corner and hit him head first. He died on impact.” She breathes in deeply and I can feel the pain as it encompasses her. ”It’s our only comfort, that he didn’t feel any pain. Alec didn’t know how to cope. He’d lost his best friend, his idol, his hero. He was sixteen and they were supposed to go on one of their fishing trips the next day. Alec lost it. He didn’t deal with his pain. He buried it deep inside him and became the very thing his Dad would have hated. Drinking, womanising.”

”He wanted to forget,” I look out the window at him, his hands in his pockets, leaning against a tree.

”He needs you,” Jo says suddenly and my eyes settle on her again. ”He might not admit it, but he needs you. He’s never brought a girl home to meet me before. When I suggested it I thought he’d say no, but he couldn’t have been happier. You’re good for him.” She nods and squeezes my hand. ”He needs you more than he’ll ever admit to himself. I know he’s not perfect and he’s not the ideal guy for you to fall in love with, but he’s my boy. I see how he looks at you, and you ain’t like the others, Lexy. You’re one of a kind.”

His bada bing person.

”Thank you, for sharing that with me.” I smile sadly. ”I know how hard that would have been.”

”Have you ever lost anyone, Lexy?” We both stand and Jo looks at me with heartbroken eyes. ”Have you ever lost someone you would have given anything to save?”

”My granddad.” I nod and look out the window again. ”If I could, I’d swap places.”

”Then you know the pain Alec is feeling. Go to him. Trust him enough to know he believes in the idea of you two.” She nods once. ”It’s in his eyes. Look hard enough, and you’ll see it. Look hard enough and you’ll see your future.”

I’m starting to see it.

”He needs you now, so you go to him.”

”Will you be okay?” I ask.

”Honey, I’ve got endless photos, our song and his jumper. I’ll always be okay.” She disappears around the corner and I make my way outside, to Alec.

ALEC

"Alec, I’m sorry."

The pain of losing my father still cuts like a knife. It’s a sharp stab whenever I remember; but as I look down at the large, compassionate brown eyes staring up at me, the pain softens. The edges blur and for the first time in three years, it’s almost bearable. She makes it bearable just by being here.

"Don’t be sorry, Princess." I trace her mouth with my thumb, the pad of it gently brushing the softness of her lips. "There are some things you can’t change and death is one of them. It was his time to go and while I’m not necessarily okay with it, I’ve accepted it. I’d like to think that wherever he is, he’s proud of me."

She closes her hands round mine and rubs the back of my hand softly, soothing the sting. "I am sorry. I’m sorry because it hurts you." She pauses. ”And I’m sure he is. It’d be hard not to be proud of you, Alec. He’s still here, watching. I don’t think they ever leave. I’d like to think they don’t."

She laces our fingers and pulls me towards the big tree in the garden. She tilts her head back and looks at the sky.

"My grandpa was always the star in my life. He and Grammy together.. It was like watching love in a solid form. They were love personified. You could see it in their eyes, their smile, their touch. But I was his girl. We always played pranks and got up to mischief together. He taught me everything I know about water balloon throwing and whoopee cushion positioning. I remember when he died. I was 9 and I thought my world had ended."

I know that feeling. I remember it. I squeeze her hand softly.

"And then I decided that since he was my star in life he could be in death too. So that night I went into the garden, found a constellation and picked a star. Every time I see it I think of him. It keeps him close." She turns her face towards me. "Do it. I can see Orion. If you pick one by a constellation you’ll never lose it. Pick your Dad a star."

My lips twitch as I consider it equally the cutest and stupidest thing I’m ever gonna do. But I will do it, simply because I’m powerless to deny her anything.

"Okay." I look upwards and find Orion’s belt. Just to the right of it is a lone star, a beacon of hope and memories in the everlasting night.

Just like my Dad was.

"That one." I point it out and she smiles.

"Good choice. Now he’ll always be with you, watching you."

"Not during the day." I smile.

"Oh, Alec." She shakes her head.

"What?"

"Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It’s just waiting for the right time to show itself," she says softly, too softly, and I wonder if she’s included herself in that statement.

I tuck some hair behind her ear and she wraps her arms round my waist, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you," I whisper, burying my face into her neck.

I hold her close to me under the stars, just silence, just us. I let her hug away the pain that comes with the memories of the greatest man I’ve ever known and I let her make it better in a way only she can.

This, this he would be proud of. He always said to fight for what you believe in, to never give up and never forget why you believe in the first place. For the first time I can honestly say I’m following his advice.