Never Forget (Memories #1)(50)
Author: Emma Hart

He stands and rubs his hand over his face. "Mum made the decision not to tell you, okay? Mum wanted you to be happy this summer. None of us knew Gram would have a heart attack while we were here. We thought-"

"She’d have one when no one was there to phone an ambulance?" I cry, my chest heaving. "Get out!"

"Lexy-"

"Get out, Bing! I don’t want to see you! Any of you!" I scream at him.

"Okay, sis." He stops at the door. "When you’ve calmed down, you know where I am."

He shuts the door and I wipe at my eyes furiously. I see the photo frame and act reflexively.

I throw the frame at my door.

Bang.

The glass shatters with my heart, pieces of both flying into oblivion. I sink to the floor, my hair in my hands. Pain, broken dreams.

Blue grey eyes seared into my mind.

I scream out a sob and lie on my side. Too much pain, too much heartbreak.

I can’t see through the tears. I can’t breathe through the heaving of my chest. I can’t think through the day’s events flashing through my mind in his eyes.

Grammy. Alec. Grammy. Alec.

The frame lies on the floor, taunting me, reminding me of what was.

Two smiling faces.

Three weeks of maybes, indecision, trust building.

Three weeks of kisses, laughing, and shared moments.

Six weeks of half-truths. Six weeks of lies, of secrets.

Six weeks to fall in love.

A second for it to all come crushing down.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

ALEC

I lean back against the rock, looking aimlessly out to sea.

Numb. That’s how I feel.

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

I want to kick myself. I want to kick myself over and over for not telling her before, for letting her find out the way she did.

And a part of me wants to kick myself for telling her I knew at all.

The look in her eyes.. I saw her heart crumble. I saw the last few weeks…

Disappear. Like they never happened.

I kick the sand. Stupid stupid stupid!

Leaning my head back, I gaze up at the passing clouds. Kick the rock. And again. Like the pain from it could outweigh the pain in my heart, the pain of losing Lexy.

"Stupid!" I yell, turning to punch the rock.

A graze. A few drops of blood. A flinch.

Nothing.. Nothing compares to it. I punch it again.

"Alec! What the f**k are you doing?!" Jen yells.

I flatten my hands against the rock and lean forwards, dropping my head.

"If you’re here to kick my ass, then don’t f**kin’ bother. I’m a prick. I know."

"I’m not here to kick your ass.” She puts a hand on my arm. "I’m here to make sure you’re okay, and seeing you punching the rock doesn’t exactly reassure me you are. I mean, c’mon, Alec, what the hell did the poor rock do to you?"

I look up at her. Beyond her jokes is concern.

"Why aren’t you with Lexy?"

"Her family is there. She’ll call when she needs me. You’re my friend, Alec, and as much as I take the piss I do care."

I exhale and shut my eyes, shaking my head. "Then no. No, I’m not okay. If I’m honest, I’m waiting for Bing to come down here and kick my ass."

Jen leans against the rock next to me and folds her arms across her chest. "Bing ain’t coming."

"It’s nothing less than I deserve for breaking her heart, Jen."

"It’s not at all. She’s hurting, Alec. She’s had a rough day. Bing gets why you didn’t tell her, really, he does. He ain’t mad at you, boy. He didn’t tell her either."

"I broke her f**kin’ heart, Jen!" I yell and smack the rock again. "You’ve seen her. She’s in pieces and that’s my fault! I should be holdin’ her right now, making it better and instead I made it worse."

I look up at her and by the softening of her expression I know it’s written all over my face. The agony I feel is clear for her to see.

"It’s my f**kin’ fault, Jen, mine. My. Fucking. Fault! You know me. You know I never wanted to hurt her. I..” I screw my eyes shut tightly. ”I’d rather die than hurt her.”

"Yeah I know you. I know you well enough to know you need to stop or I’ll kick some sense into your balls!" She stands up straight, fire in her eyes. "You think it’s your fault? She’s hurting, Alec, big time. Vi didn’t want you to tell her and you respected her wishes. That’s all there is to it. When things have calmed down, Lexy will see that too."

I turn my head away back out to sea.

"Alec," she says softly. "She loves you. She really loves you, she’s just – angry. She feels betrayed. Give her time."

"Time for what?" I turn to her. "So she can realise I’m the prick I promised her I wasn’t? That’s what’s gonna happen."

"You don’t know that-"

"Yeah, Jen. I do. And I don’t blame her for a second."

"Alec-"

"Leave me alone, Jen. Please." I lean back against the rock again. Jen nods softly and walks back across the sand.

"Alec.” She turns and I raise my eyebrows. "She does love you. I promise."

I nod once, sharply, and look away from her.

Lexy. My Princess. The little city girl who’s done what no other ever has.

Made me fall in love.

~

ALEXIS

Numbly, I watch the water flow from the tap into the bath. I stop the tap. Start it again. Stop it. For the sixth time.

I step out of my clothes and turn the heat of the shower up high, putting the pressure up too. A day of tears has gradually numbed me. I can’t feel anything anymore.

Blankly, I move into the shower and shut the door. The water beats down on me red hot but I can’t feel it. It’s just a pressure that drowns me in rivulets of water. I tilt my head back and silent tears mix with the shower.

Water drips down my body in a silent caress until I can’t take anymore.

Every pound on my back, every tickling stream down my leg, every gentle drop on my arm reminds me of the feel of Alec’s skin against mine. The flick of his tongue, the stroke of his fingers as they link through mine, the warmth of his body against me as he held me close and promised he’d always be there.

Lies.. Just one after another. He didn’t tell me. He’s not here. Everything he promised me he’s broken.

‘I wish I could have told you.’

His words spin round, and round, and round. I lean against the shower door, feelings conflicting inside me like a battle to the death, each one more desperate and clawing than the last. I want to run into his arms and let him hold me, take away the memories of seeing Gram so broken. I want him to make it better, promise me she’ll be okay.

But Alec and promises don’t go together. I know that. I always knew it, because deep down he’s too much like Bing, and Bing couldn’t keep a promise to a girl to save his life.