Never Too Hot (Hot Shots: Men of Fire #3)(60)
Author: Bella Andre

Something in Andrew snapped. He was done just sitting here and taking crap from his son.

“How dare you lecture me about love. Not when you’re too damn scared to let that beautiful girl of yours love you.”

There was murder in Connor’s eyes, but Andrew didn’t care. He wasn’t going to shut up until he was good and done.

“I did everything I could to be a good father when you and Sam were little, but the house was such a war zone, so much your mother’s territory, she practically forced me into hiding out at work. Any time I showed up to a baseball game, she’d give me grief about the other five times I didn’t go. There was no way to win.”

He held up a hand to stop Connor from interrupting again.

“A stronger man would have been a good father in spite of it. And I wasn’t. But I wouldn’t have traded you boys for anything in the world. And I’m hell-bent on being that better man now. Which is why I’m not going to let you get past me until you tell me what in God’s name has gone wrong between you and Ginger.”

Connor’s hands were hard fists and Andrew wondered if they were going to come to blows. He almost hoped they would, that he could let Connor work out his frustration, taking away some of Andrew’s guilt with him.

But instead of coming at him, Connor said, “She deserves more than I can give her.”

They were simple words, words that shouldn’t have meant much at all. But the pain behind them knocked the air out of Andrew’s lungs. Thirty years ago there’d been no way out for Andrew or Isabel or Elise.

But his son still had time to get it right.

“I’ve never known you to back down from a challenge. Have you even tried to give her what she wants?”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Connor shouted. “I can’t f**king do it! I can’t live my life thinking about her every single second, wanting her so bad I can’t see straight, worrying that something will happen to her.”

“You love her.”

“Of course I love her,” Connor said, his voice raw, rough with emotion. “But I’ve hurt her again and again. I’ll just keep hurting her.”

Andrew wanted to reach out for his son, but he didn’t know how. “We all screw up at one time or another. We hurt each other. But the big mistake isn’t screwing up. The big mistake is wasting time being bitter. Being angry.

Letting guilt eat you up inside. Letting one stupid moment change you into someone you never wanted to be.”

“Don’t you get it?” Connor growled. “I’ve got nothing to give her. She deserves a whole man who can give her everything she deserves right now. Not in five, ten years. She shouldn’t have to wait for me to figure out my future. To see if I even have one.”

“Those are all just excuses, Connor. You know that as well as I do. Of course you’re good enough for the woman you love. She wouldn’t love you if you weren’t.”

Connor didn’t respond and as a thick silence hung between them Andrew told himself he’d tried. That he’d done all he could do. He was about to walk away, give his son some space, when Isabel’s words came at him.

“Try again. And keep trying. Because that’s what parents do. Stop worrying about how you feel for once. And justdo what you need to do for him.”

He’d come back to the lake to prove to everyone — especially himself — that he had it in him to be a better man.

He’d been so sure that all he needed to do was decide to do the right thing and it would be so simple. He’d expected all of the relationships it had taken him thirty years to screw up to be tied up with little bows by now.

That first day back in Isabel’s bedroom, he’d told her that he was a changed man. But he hadn’t been. He’d still been looking out for himself first.

It was long past time to change that.

“You don’t need to be a hotshot, Connor. You don’t even need your hands. Life is what you make it. And you’ve still got the world at your feet. Along with a beautiful young woman to love. And the only thing I know for sure is that if you let her go, you’ll never forgive yourself.”

And then, as his strong son stood beside the sailboat looking utterly lost, Andrew knew what he needed to do.

It was one of the most frightening moves he’d ever made, taking those first steps toward his son, and only got worse the closer he got. But he wasn’t in it to see what he could get right now. Andrew’s happiness was already lost.

He’d do anything he could to help Connor save his.

Andrew put his arms around his son and refused to feel the slightest bit embarrassed by the tears running down his cheeks as he spoke.

“I know I haven’t told you this nearly enough times, but I love you. I know I was a shitty father, that I screwed up a hundred different ways, and even though I didn’t know how to show it, I always loved you. And I always will.”

Chapter Twenty-four

GINGER GROANED as the phone woke her up out of a rare patch of sleep.

The past week had been utterly exhausting. Worrying about accidentally touching Connor every time she walked past him, knowing that was all it would take to throw herself in his arms, to forget everything she was trying so hard to remember. Trying so hard to be mature, to not be spiteful in the little things by making only herself a sandwich at lunch.

Every night she’d waited for him to come up the stairs, her heart pounding like a lovesick fool. No matter how hard she tried to turn over and go to sleep, she’d lie there wide awake hoping and praying that tonight would be the night he’d turn the knob, walk in, and get down on his knees to beg her forgiveness, to tell her he was wrong, that he loved her after all.

But he never had.

Why did it have to hurt so much to try for happiness?

And why did moving forward after loving Connor have to be so damn hard?

Grabbing the phone off the table, she’d barely grunted out a hello when Isabel said, “Ginger, I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ginger said. She went to sit up in bed, but when she moved her stomach began roiling with nausea.

“I swore I wasn’t going to call you — I know how much you need this week to focus on your painting — but can you come over? I asked Scott to cover for me at the diner. I’ll make you breakfast.”

The thought of eating anything made bile rise in Ginger’s throat, but she said, “Of course. I’ll be right there,” anyway.

So many times since arriving at Blue Mountain Lake, Isabel had been there for her. First with a job and then with friendship. So even a sudden attack of the stomach flu wasn’t going to keep her from helping Isabel.

But as soon as she walked into her friend’s house and smelled eggs frying in the kitchen, she had to run to the bathroom.

Isabel found her there, throwing up.