Night’s Mistress (Children of The Night #5)(43)
Author: Amanda Ashley

Kyle looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. “I just can’t believe this. I’d think you’d be thrilled to be human again. Grateful for the chance to have children and live an ordinary life.”

“What’s so great about being ordinary?”

With a sigh, Kyle drew his hands away from hers. “Nothing, I guess. I just thought . . .” He shook his head.

“Never mind.”

“What did you think?”

“I thought you loved me.”

The hurt in his voice, the pain in his eyes, made her heart ache. “Kyle, I don’t know how to be human anymore.” Even that wasn’t entirely true. She had finally mastered the art of cooking simple meals, she enjoyed working outside in the yard. She had even applied for a credit card using Logan’s last name and address. She didn’t like being human, but she was determined to make the best of it for as long as she had to, for the baby’s sake.

“I’ll help you,” Kyle said. “I know we could be happy together if you’d just give us a chance.”

Maybe he was right. If she sent him away now, she might never see him again. She had thought herself in love with him once. Perhaps she still was. Confused, she shook her head. She had been happy with Kyle in the past. When he’d left, she had been brokenhearted, certain she would never be happy again, and then Logan had entered her life again . . . Logan who loved her unconditionally. He would never turn his back on her. No matter what she did or what she said, she knew he would be there for her. In spite of Kyle’s declaration of love, she wasn’t sure she could depend on him.

She ran her finger around the rim of his coffee cup. Life would be so much easier if she wasn’t pregnant. But she was, and Kyle was right—her baby deserved a mother and a father. So why was she hesitating? Being human wasn’t all that bad. She might even grow to like it. She enjoyed mortal food. She liked being able to see her reflection in a mirror; in fact, she had spent far too much time admiring herself from every angle until she gained so much weight that she started avoiding anything that reflected her image.

She smiled inwardly. Fat or not, she was still a pretty woman; some said she was beautiful. Kyle was a strikingly handsome man. No doubt their baby would be adorable. But marriage . . . she just wasn’t ready for that, not yet. She might never be ready.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said, “I don’t mean to pressure you. Will you at least think about what I said?”

How could she refuse him when he had been willing to become a vampire—something he abhorred—just to be with her?

“Maybe we could move in together,” Kyle suggested. “You know, sort of a trial marriage.”

She had lived with Logan for several months. It seemed only fair to give Kyle equal time, and it would give her time to sort out her jumbled feelings.

Logan was less than thrilled with her decision. “So, you’re going to move in with him, just like that?”

“Yes. He’s waiting for me outside.” She had decided to give Kyle another chance. He seemed sincere; otherwise, why would he have come looking for her? He had even been willing to join the ranks of the Undead. That couldn’t have been an easy decision for him, especially in view of the fact that a vampire had killed his father. But, more than anything, she needed time away from Logan, time to figure out what—and who—she really wanted. Were all mortals this confused, or was it just her pregnancy that was causing her to change her mind every five minutes?

Logan crossed the floor in three long strides. He stopped in front of her, his face only inches from her own. “I love you,” he declared. “I’ve loved you for centuries. I’ve taken care of you, given you shelter, and now you’re turning your back on me for that . . . that mortal?”

Mara met Logan’s angry gaze, unblinking. “I’m mortal, too, remember?” The fact that Kyle was also human had been the final, deciding factor in her decision to go with him.

“I can change that,” Logan said flatly.

“No.” Not liking the dark undercurrent in his voice or the ominous look in his eyes, Mara folded her arms protectively over her stomach. No matter how she felt about Logan, she had a baby to think of. And Kyle was right. Her baby needed a father. A mortal father. And no matter how she felt about Logan—and at the moment, she wasn’t sure how she felt—her life and that of her child would be centered in the mortal world.

Logan’s eyes narrowed. “What if I refuse to let you go?”

She lifted her chin defiantly. “You won’t.”

“No? What makes you so sure?”

“Because you love me,” she said quietly, “and because you know I’ll hate you forever if you keep me here against my will.”

“Maybe I’ll just kill him, then.”

“Logan . . .” Mara cupped his cheek with her hand.

“Please don’t make this any harder than it is. I’m grateful for all of your help, and I do love you, but I’m mortal now. I can’t stay with you.” Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them back. “I can’t bear the constant reminder of what I was, what I’ve lost.” And that, at least, was true.

Logan blew out a breath, his anger routed by the unhappiness in her voice, the resignation in her eyes. “All right, have it your way.” Like always, he thought.

“Will you help me pack?”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m not sure, but we can’t very well stay here, with you.” What a nightmare that would be! She could just imagine Logan and Kyle under the same roof, glaring at each other like two hungry wolves after the same prey.

“No need for you to move out,” Logan said gruffly. “I’ll go.”

“That’s sweet of you, but . . . I think Kyle and I are going back to California.”

“Are you sure that’s wise? I thought Ramsden wanted you close by.”

“I know, but”—she bit down on the corner of her lip—“you remember I told you I thought he was acting suspicious? Well, it was even worse this last time. I can’t put my finger on it, exactly, but . . . I don’t know. I just don’t trust him.”

“Are you sure it’s not because he’s a vampire and you’re not?”

“I don’t know. Maybe that’s it. But whatever the reason, I have a bad feeling about having the baby here, so I’m going back to California. Please don’t tell Ramsden or anyone else where I’ve gone.”