Once Dead, Twice Shy (Madison Avery Trilogy #1)(36)
Author: Kim Harrison

A jump of shadows caught my attention, and I pulled my head up to find Ron simply standing there, looking almost sad with his hands clasped before him. The sun coming in shone on his tight, graying curls, and his eyes were a grayish blue as they took in my yellow tights and purple skirt. His eyes had been brown yesterday. I didn’t think gray eyes were a good sign. Every time I saw them, he was upset with me.

"Madison," he said, and the amount of weary fatigue in the sound of my name scared me.

"I’m sorry," I said, frightened.

"I know you are." He glanced at the empty reception desk before he approached, his slippers silent on the carpet. "It’s been over two thousand years since an angel has returned from battle without a blade and unconscious. Do you have any idea what it takes to do that?"

Miserable, I shrank back into the thin cushions. "Black wings stuck in her?" I offered hesitantly. God help me, but it was an accident!

Ron’s intake of breath was loud, and Barnabas made a surprised-sounding noise. I couldn’t look up, afraid of what I might find.

"How did Nakita get black wings inside of her?" Ron asked, each word slow and precise.

My head came up and I found Ron’s expression one of sadness. "I, uh, accidentally put them there?" I said, hating the way my voice went up at the end.

"Excuse me?" Ron said, the phrase sounding odd coming from him.

Barnabas was shaking his head. "That’s impossible. Black wings can’t hurt reapers. She must be confused as to what really happened."

That was insulting, and I made a huff of sound. "I am not. I know what happened," I said, finding the words easier to say than I thought they would be. "Grace said that when I went invisible, I was dissociating from my amulet. That’s what drew the black wings in, and when Nakita fell through me, the black wings stuck to her instead."

"Grace?" Ron asked, his round face tight with worry. "Who’s Grace?" His expression became pained. "You named her? Madison, you didn’t name your guardian angel, did you?"

Compared to leaving black wings inside an angel to eat her from the inside out, naming Grace seemed like a small thing. "I was breaking the lines of connection to my amulet only in the present, not the ones pulling me to the future," I explained, trying to make myself sound less foolish than I felt, and I could almost see Ron switch mental gears to understand what I was saying. At least, I think that’s why he suddenly looked horrified.

Barnabas, though, was less than impressed. "What does that have to do with black wings?" he asked.

"Nakita was going to reap Josh, even though she had me. I couldn’t get her scythe away from her unless I went invisible. I had to find some way to protect myself, and neither of you were around," I said, pleading for understanding. "I didn’t know the black wings would stick to her instead. She’s a reaper! Black wings aren’t supposed to hurt reapers!"

Ron’s head was going back and forth in denial. "That’s not how to go invisible. Madison, you weren’t bending light around you; you were breaking your connection to your amulet, as if you weren’t really wearing it. Dead with no connection to life. A walking soul without a body. No wonder you brought in black wings. They were…on you?"

Grace had said it was dangerous. I should’ve listened to her. "Nakita was going to kill Josh and take me to Kairos. I thought if I swiped her sword, she at least couldn’t kill Josh. But when I went invisible to take her amulet, two black wings fell on me." Fear made me shiver. "It hurt. I think I lost something of myself." I paused as the memory of them eating my past rose anew. I unclenched my hands as I thought about Nakita and what it must be like to have two of those things inside her. "It really hurt, Ron. I went invisible again to try to get her sword away, and they sort of stuck to her when she fell through me." I looked up, my vision swimming. "I only wanted her to go away," I finished miserably. Damn it, I wasn’t going to cry.

Barnabas had pulled back like I was a snake. "What about Nakita’s amulet?" he asked. "How come her amulet didn’t keep you grounded?"

"Because I cut those ties too," I said. "I claimed her sword, not her amulet, and it gave me enough control to break the ties without frying me."

Barnabas stood, his face pale. "Ron," he said, looking at me. "She broke the hold Nakita’s amulet had on her while the reaper was still wearing it! How much proof do you need? I believe in choice, as do you, but this is wrong! Look at what’s happened. Madison is – "

"Fine." Ron took up my hands and jerked my attention from Barnabas. His round face was smiling confidently, but his eyes were deathly worried. "She’s fine."

"Nakita said you drew a first-sphere to watch her," Barnabas interrupted, anger coloring his face. "It’s clear why. You know this is a mistake. It’s wrong, and you know it!"

The older man glared at Barnabas, his grip on me tightening. "I do not have to explain myself to you. I called for a first-sphere because chances were slim anything would happen, and I didn’t want to advertise that anything was wrong."

"Wrong." Barnabas faced him squarely, and Ron’s expression went ugly. "You admit it, then."

"Barnabas, will you shut up!" the master of time exclaimed, and Barnabas dropped his head, frustrated. I sat there, stunned. It was the second time I’d seen Ron curtail Barnabas’s words, first at the school parking lot, and then here. Something wasn’t right. What had I done?

"Ron," I said, scared, "I’m sorry. I was only trying to keep Josh and myself safe. She nicked him. Is he going to be okay?"

The timekeeper seemed to notice for the first time where he was. Giving me an unhappy look, he shook his head, sending dread through me. "Nakita holds his life. She chooses if he lives or dies."

Oh God, I’ve killed him, I thought, the panic almost paralyzing. I had to talk to Nakita.

"There is hope," Ron soothed as my thoughts spun, but there was no comfort in his touch on my shoulder. Instead, a warning lifted in me. Behind him, Barnabas fumed. "I’m going to continue to speak on your behalf," Ron said, as if Josh’s probable death was sad but trifling. "What I’m most concerned about is you. Dissociating yourself from your amulet like you did should have been impossible. That you’re dead probably accounted for your ability to do it. Regardless, I’m sure you damaged your amulet. Don’t do it again. Some of this is my fault. I should’ve looked in on your progress, but Barnabas didn’t tell me you were having trouble."