Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(4)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

I wished that was true. “I’m not worried about that.”

“I know,” he said, his tone playful despite the shadows I could see in his eyes. The ones that chased him every night no matter how fast he ran. “I’ve got you. What more could I possibly need?”

I leaned in and brushed my mouth across his. He tasted like alcohol. “Nothing,” I whispered against his lips.

His good hand flexed on my thigh. “Careful. Your dad’s coming back any second now.”

“He knows about us. Why worry about a kiss?”

“He knows, but he doesn’t like it.” He leaned back against the couch. “And he definitely doesn’t want to see us kissing in his living room.” He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together tightly. When he opened his eyes, all signs of tension dissipated. “We won’t be here much longer, and then we can go back to normal. We’ll be back in California, and I’ll be back to annoying you twenty-four-seven.”

I smiled, knowing that was what he wanted from me. He loved to make me happy, after all. “I know. I can’t wait.”

“And, hey, at least I’m home for Christmas. We didn’t think I would be.” His mouth twisted, and he fingered my sun necklace. “We even celebrated early and everything.”

I thought back on the night Finn had created Christmas for me. We’d decorated a tree, shared a romantic dinner, and spent the night in each other’s arms. It had been the last time we made love, and the last time I’d seen him really smile.

“I know. It was lovely.” I kissed him one more time, keeping it short. “Maybe the actual Christmas will be even better. I’ll get to show you the present I got for you.”

He ran his free hand over his shaved head, touching the shiny, puckered wound. It started at the corner of his eye and then extended to the back of his skull. I knew he was self-conscious about it, but he shouldn’t have been. He was gorgeous as always. “I don’t think it will top our other one. I can’t even use my f**king arm, and we won’t be alone. There won’t be any hot holiday sex to finish off the night.”

“Oh, I think you could do plenty of damage with just the one arm,” I teased, running my hand over his chest. I placed my palm right over the spot where he’d gotten our tattoo. “And if not, well, you can still hold me. That’s all I need to be happy. Your arms around me, and us together. Fighting the world as a team.”

“You and me against the world, right?” Meeting my eyes hesitantly, he looked down at where my hand rested. His were blazing with heat, desire, and love. He leaned in and rested his forehead against mine, taking a shaky breath. “I love you so f**king much, Carrie.”

My heart melted and I blinked back tears. This was the first time he was acting like my Finn, and it was breaking my heart. “I know. I love you, too.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” His fingers moved to the back of my head, cradling me and holding me closer. “I hope I don’t f**k it up.”

“You won’t.” I pulled back and smiled at him, trying to show him there was nothing—nothing—he could do to send me running. “We’ve been over this before. I’m not going anywhere.”

He drew in a ragged breath. “I didn’t deserve you when I was whole, and I definitely don’t deserve you now, looking like Frankenstein’s monster.”

“Finn.” I ran my hand over his head, scowling at him. “Don’t you ever say that again. You’re perfect. We’re perfect.” I lightly kissed the spot where his injury started. “And a few scrapes isn’t going to ruin that. You’re as hot as ever.”

He let out a small sound and caught my mouth with his. It was the first time he kissed me since he came home. Every other time, I’d been the one initiating it, and he’d been pushing me away. He always had a good reason for doing so, but it didn’t change the fact that it was true. He was pushing me away, and I couldn’t do anything to stop him.

Footsteps approached, and my dad came into the living room. Finn let go of me as if I were diseased and stood shakily. Dad handed him a drink and looked at me. He scanned my face, his brows lowered. Finn took the drink and inclined his head. “Thank you, sir. If you don’t mind, I’ll take this up to my room. I just took a pill, and I’ll be tired soon.”

I stood up. “I’ll come and—”

“No. I’m fine.” Finn offered me a smile, but the real smile I’d gotten earlier was gone. In its place was the one I’d gotten all too used to. “Spend time with your dad. I’ll see you in the morning when the sun’s shining nice and bright. Maybe we can go out to breakfast.”

I watched him go. He snatched up an entire bottle of whiskey off the side table as he passed it, and walked out into the hallway. He was going to drink himself to sleep again. He’d still wake up screaming, though. I knew it and so did he. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he’d forgotten about his night terrors.

I hadn’t.

I took a step after him, planning on ripping it out of his hands, but Dad grabbed my arm. “Let him go. He needs some time alone,” Dad said, reaching out and squeezing my hand. “I don’t like you two together, and you know that, but I’m telling you this much for your own sake. He needs time and space to accept what happened to him over there, and you need to give it to him. Let him drink. Let him sleep. He’ll come out of it.”

“But I don’t think he needs space.” I swallowed hard. “I think he needs me.”

Dad flinched. “I think he needs you, too, but not right now. He’s not ready yet.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you’re my daughter, and I love you.” Dad stood. “And because I won’t be the one to break you two up. Unfortunately, I think he’ll be able to do that just fine without my help.”

I stiffened. “We’re not breaking up.”

Dad rested his hand on my shoulder. “Even you have to see the changes already. If you want to make this thing between you work, give him space. He needs it. And pray that he comes out of this resembling the guy he once was.”

“How do I know you’re not telling me what’s worse for him so we break up?”

He hesitated before heading for the doorway. “You don’t. You’ll have to just trust that I know what’s best for you—and him.”