Out of Mind (Out of Line #3)(6)
Author: Jen McLaughlin

She pursed her lips. “I’m not talking about the visible injuries, Finn.”

“Yeah, well, they are the only ones that matter, as far as I’m concerned.” I hauled her closer. “Can you ever want me again, even with how scarred I am now?”

She shook her head, and for a second my worst nightmare came to life. “Finn, I never stopped wanting you, and I never will.” She rested her hands on my chest, and I almost collapsed from the relief surging through me. “So how can I possibly answer if I’d ever want you again?”

I tried to believe that. Tried to be optimistic like I’d been before I went overseas and almost got blown to pieces like the rest of my buddies. But she had the benefit of not seeing inside my head. She didn’t know just how far gone I was—so she was still blissfully optimistic. Her world still had rainbows and butterflies and all that shit.

But me? I saw it all, and part of me thought it might be better for her if I walked away. But we’d promised to stay with each other. Promised no more running or lies.

Her eyes lowered, and her stare lingered over my abs before dipping even lower. Good. She could see what I f**king wanted right now—her. I wanted to remind her why she was with me, since she probably couldn’t see it anymore. Not when she looked at my wounds.

All she saw was what I used to be.

She hesitated. “Finn, I don’t know if you’re ready yet…”

“Why wouldn’t I be ready?” I stepped closer, and she tilted her face up toward mine. Her pupils flared, and she bit down on her lower lip again. “I’ve been ready since I met you.”

Her mouth twitched into a reluctant smile. “You know what I mean. With people recovering from trauma, sex can be a trigger. It can make things worse. I don’t want to make you suffer—”

“The only way I’ll suffer,” I cupped her face with my good hand, my thumb under her jawline, “is if you say no. So don’t say no.”

Part of me needed to know she still wanted me, scars and all. She might be right, and this might not be good for my head, but f**k it. I needed it. I needed her.

Carrie

I knew this wasn’t a good idea. But when he looked down at me like that, all blue eyes and soft words, I couldn’t stop myself from giving him what he wanted—even if it wasn’t what he needed. The two didn’t always go hand in hand, did they?

Reaching up on tiptoe, I curled my hands around his neck and kissed him, keeping it light and easy. I didn’t want to scare him off or be too pushy. I didn’t need to worry, I guess. He backed me across the room, his breath coming fast, his hand flexing on my chin. I knew he was frustrated with feeling helpless and broken, and I wished I could help him.

Wished he would let me help him.

I spun him so his back was toward the bed and pushed him gently onto it. Good thing he’d locked the door. As long as we were quiet, no one should know what we were up to. I straddled him, skimmed my hands up under his shirt, and sighed with satisfaction even as it bugged me that he was wearing a shirt. He never used to sleep with a shirt on. Was he hiding his wounds from himself, too? It seemed that way.

I pulled back and studied him. His eyes were shut, and his cheeks flushed. He looked so freaking hot like this. Turned on and ready for me. All mine. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

He smoothed my hair off my face. “Of course I’m sure.”

“Okay.” I reached for the bedside light, but he snatched my hand before I could turn it on. “What? What is it?”

“No lights,” he rasped, his fingers tightening on mine. “I like it like this.”

“Finn…” I swallowed hard. “You don’t need to hide from me.”

“I’m not. I don’t want your dad to know.” He let go of my hand and hauled me closer. “That’s all.”

I wanted to believe him, but I didn’t. He hadn’t let me see him yet. Hadn’t even taken his shirt off in front of me. But I couldn’t push it. Couldn’t push him. “Okay.”

I kissed him, holding myself back again. I wasn’t sure how to be with him when he was being like this. Should I be bold? Or should I let him take the lead? I was out of my league here, and I knew it. He broke off the kiss and cursed under his breath before saying, “If you don’t want this from me anymore, then you can leave. I understand.”

“I want this.” I tried to kiss him again, but he didn’t let me. “Finn, what’s wrong?”

“You’re acting as if you can’t stand the thought of kissing me,” he rasped, his hand flexing on my hip. “I get it. I’m f**ked up now and—”

I slammed my mouth down on his, shutting him up before he insulted himself again. It was killing me to act as if he was going to break at any point, and I was done listening to him put himself down. Freaking done. He was gorgeous, injuries and all.

His mouth opened under mine, so I slid my tongue inside, seeking his. As soon as I found it, heat shot through my body, making me tremble. I deepened the kiss, needing more of him. Needing to kiss him, touch him, love him. It had been too long since I’d gotten to kiss him like this. Feel him like this.

His uninjured hand skimmed up my side before running down my arm. I shivered and ran my hands down his pecs, to the waist of his boxers. He arched his hips a little bit, pressing his erection against my core. God, that felt good. So good. For the first time since he’d come home, I wasn’t thinking of him as Finn, injured Marine.

He was my Finn, and I needed him as badly as he needed me.

“Fuck,” he moaned, arching into me again. “Lose the clothes.”

“Yours first.” I slid down his body, pressing my open mouth against his neck.

He gripped my hair tight, holding me in place. “Help me get these off.”

I closed my hands over his boxers and nipped at his abs through the shirt. He hissed and tightened his grip on my hair. I wished I could see him right now. See him watching me with those blazing blue eyes I loved so much. But for now, quiet and rushed would have to do. I lowered his boxers over his hips, and he helped me get them off by lifting his hips slightly. I tossed them off the bed and climbed between his legs. “Condom?”

“Drawer,” he said, his voice strangled. “Left side, top.”

I didn’t bother to ask him when and how they’d gotten there. I climbed over him and retrieved one, but didn’t put it on him yet. I lifted his shirt and licked his abs, grinning when he groaned. I loved driving him insane. Loved making him squirm with need. Loved him so much it hurt. I skimmed my hands up his thighs while flicking my tongue over the head of his cock. My cheeks heated as I did so, knowing I was totally disobeying pretty much every rule my parents had laid down when they allowed Finn to stay here to recover…