Out of the Shallows (Into the Deep #2)(53)
Author: Samantha Young

The email from Jake was waiting in my inbox.

I felt a flutter of nerves in my belly as I sank into my desk chair and clicked the mail open.

Charley,

My mom asked me home for dinner tonight. Sounds innocent enough, huh? Well, let me tell you it wasn’t. I expected a home-cooked meal and watching sports with my dad. Instead I walked in on my little brother having sex with his shy little librarian.

I’m scarred for life.

Let’s just say shy librarian has a kinky side and I now know more about my brother’s sex life than anyone should ever know, let alone a blood relative. I went back to my apartment as quickly as possible to try to rid myself of the image. I think if I return to therapy sessions, I’ll somehow get back on track with my life.

Speaking of, I got accepted into the University of Chicago graduate school for molecular engineering. The parents are very proud. I’m crapping myself. The guys are finished with school after graduation, and I’m going to continue to be a student for the next however many years. I still feel like I’m deliberately prolonging the inevitability of adulthood. Knowing you’ll be going to law school makes me feel better about it, though.

On that subject… are you ever going to tell me which schools you got accepted into? Are you deserting the Midwest for Stanford like you said you probably would?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

It’s going to be weird next year without the guys. I know they’ll be there, but they’ll be doing their band stuff and whatever manual labor they can find until the day they hopefully get signed. Our worlds are going to be different. All of our worlds are, I guess. I didn’t realize how much I depended on them. Don’t tell them that, though. Matt gets clingy when you show him too much affection.

Claudia is here at the apartment. She said you’re home with your parents this weekend. That’s good. I take it that’s good, right? You, Andie, and your folks are finally back to normal? Claudia seems a whole lot less worried about you and you sound better in your emails, so I’m guessing things are starting to pull together for you. I’m glad to hear it. I know what it’s like to be where you are and it’s not great. But you’re strong, Charley. I knew you’d get through it.

As for Claudia, it’s cool to see how much she’s changed since Barcelona. I thought we’d f**ked up majorly taking her to meet that dick, but it’s all turned out okay. Beck’s crazy about her. It’s a little unsettling but I’m learning to live with it since Claud’s happy and deserves to be. Although I would like it if she’d stop making soup. Our apartment reeks. Maybe you could casually mention it to her for me?

I gotta go now. Denver’s yelling at me to get my ass out the door to some party. Have a nice weekend with your folks.

Talk soon.

Jake

I stared at the screen, feeling a whole bunch of emotions I wasn’t sure I had any right to feel. Jake’s emails always made me laugh and this time was no exception. Yet there was panic upon hearing we’d both be at U of C next fall. There was the stupid jealousy I felt over the fact that Claudia got to spend time with him when I didn’t. There was anxiety over him going to a party and possibly meeting someone. That question plagued me all the time. I didn’t know if he was seeing anybody. I didn’t know if he’d meant it when he told me that he’d wait for me. All I knew was that as much as I loved reading his emails, they also kind of devastated me. He never flirted. He never alluded to his feelings, our broken relationship, or if there was a future for us. So I didn’t, either.

That emotional distance was crippling.

Yet I couldn’t give up those emails. While I floated in limbo over Jake, those emails kept me tethered to him.

The Brewhouse was packed, bodies crammed together at the bar, around tables, but mostly around the stage. And most of those bodies were girls.

A friend of Denver’s worked at WCCR, the college radio station here at Purdue, and he’d gotten The Stolen some serious air play over the last few weeks running up to their gig at The Brewhouse. Claudia and I pinned posters of the band everywhere. All the marketing seemed to have paid off.

I smirked as a girl tried to grab Lowe’s leg and he somehow managed to avoid contact while wearing a wickedly sweet smile that placated her. I shot a look at Claudia and was surprised to see she looked calm about the girls panting over the band and over her boyfriend.

It might have had something to do with the fact that Beck didn’t look at any of those girls. He either watched Claudia or was too lost in the music to be focused on anyone else.

Alex, Sharon, and Claudia were trying to talk—shout—over the music, but I’d given up on conversation. I wasn’t in a chatty mood anyway and hadn’t been since receiving Jake’s email two days ago.

Charley,

I know the guys are playing Purdue this weekend but I wanted to let you know I won’t make it. It’s my mom’s birthday that weekend and Dad’s got this whole big dinner thing planned.

Have a great time.

Jake

Up until the email, I’d been worried sick about Jake appearing because I wasn’t sure how I would cope. I knew that I loved him, but I still wasn’t sure we were in the right place to start our relationship up again, so I didn’t want to see him. I knew seeing him would rip open the longing inside me and maybe cause me to act rashly.

Now that he wasn’t coming, I was worried. His emails were getting shorter and if possible, even more emotionally distant.

I was losing him.

Honestly, I wasn’t surprised. He’d been more than patient and I had been more than confusing.

Claudia nudged my side and I glanced at her. “You okay?” she shouted over the music.

“I’m fine,” I mouthed and turned back to look at the stage, feeling her concerned stare burning into the side of my face.

When the guys finished their set, I was relieved—not because I didn’t love listening to them play, I did, but because hanging out with them usually took my mind off other things. Such as Jake’s absence.

The guys managed to magically finagle a table once they’d gotten past most of the flushed, bothered girls trying to cram their numbers in the guys’ pockets. Even when we all sat down, girls hovered nearby, watching them all. Beck pulled Claudia down onto his lap and she willingly sat there for him because she was his human shield against obnoxious girls.

Lowe smirked at the maneuver before he quirked a questioning eyebrow in my direction.