Perfect Regret (Bad Rep #2)(41)
Author: A. Meredith Walters

“Don’t take this away again, Riley,” he said softly into the thick of my hair and all I could do was hold him as we came down from the high.

I wanted to promise him that I wouldn’t. That this was the start of something new, something great for the both of us. But I knew how easy it was to promise things before our realities changed it all. And despite how much I wanted to say those words, I promise, I knew I’d never be able to keep them.

So I stayed quiet and tried to ignore the disquiet that had taken root deep in my bones.

16

We weren’t even recovered from our post coital bliss when my phone started to ring. I untangled myself from Garrett to grab it. I saw that it was my mother and I instantly froze.

All of the warm, glowing fuzzies I had felt only moments earlier evaporated in an instant. “Hello?” I said after answering, cringing at how out of breath I sounded.

“Ri, hey, it’s Gavin,” my brother said into the phone. Why in the world was he calling me from Mom’s cell?

“Where’s Mom? What happened?” I asked, sitting up and covering myself with a sheet. Garrett sat upright beside me, taking my hand in his.

“She’s not doing too well right now. You need to get down here right away. It’s Dad,” Gavin broke off and I could hear his muffled sob and that made all the blood drain from my face.

I pulled away from Garrett and swung my legs over the side of the bed. With the phone still pressed to my ear, I bent down to retrieve my discarded clothing. Working one handed, I pulled my panties and jeans back on. My hands were trembling so badly, I dropped my shirt several times and finally Garrett took it from me and had me sit back down.

“What about Dad? Gavin just tell me what the hell happened!” I demanded, feeling the rising hysteria in the back of my throat.

“He was doing fine. His doctor’s were feeling confident that he would be okay. But then he had another heart attack,” my brother’s voice wobbled and I knew what was coming. I just knew that this phone call was to tell me I’d never see my father again.

“He’s gone, isn’t he,” I stated rather than asked.

Gavin was outright crying and I don’t think I had ever heard him sound so emotional about anything. He rarely became enthused or worked up. But I could hear him losing it over the phone and it was terrifying.

“He’s gone, Ri. He’s gone,” my brother cried.

“Where’s Mom?” I asked firmly, trying to get Gavin to focus. My face hardened and I felt my heart freeze over. I should be crying. I had been an emotional wreck for the last twenty-four hours. But now, when the worst had come, I found that I was like a block of stone.

“She’s back with him. She won’t leave his room. Fliss tried to get her to leave but she refused. You need to get down here,” Gavin said and I thought how ridiculous it was that me, the baby of the family, was always called on to make things right. That out of the three of us, I was by far the most levelheaded sibling.

Gavin, even though he had a respectable career as a teacher, still lived his life like a teenager, refusing to commit to his long-term girlfriend and still coming to mooch out of Mom and Dad’s pantry several times a week.

Felicity was married with kids but she still relied so much on Mom to help her make decisions in her life. She rarely did anything without running it past our parents first as though afraid to make a move without their approval.

Then there was me. I was off at college, determined to live my life on my own terms. I was the independent woman my mom and dad had raised me to be. So when shit hit the fan, I could be called on to find the reason when there didn’t seem to be any.

And that’s what my mother needed now. And clearly Felicity and Gavin weren’t going to give it. And as much as I loved and appreciated my siblings, in that moment I just felt irritated.

“I’m on my way. Just leave her be until I get there,” I directed my brother before hanging up. My brain was now in disaster recovery mode. I quickly put on my bra and shirt. I found my bag and pulled out my brush, running it through my hair. No sense going to the hospital, right after my father died, looking like I had just had my brains f**ked out.

God, what kind of person was I that while my dad was dying, I was screwing the guy who up until yesterday, I was determined had no place in my life? I was a stupid, selfish brat. And I hated myself for missing out on the chance to be with my father, one last time, and was instead getting naked in their spare bedroom.

“Stop it, Riley,” Garrett said suddenly, pulling me out of my bleak thoughts. I looked up at him in a mixture of annoyance and confusion.

“Stop what?” I barked, knowing that I was once again taking my negative feelings out on him and he was absolutely the last person to deserve that. But I couldn’t stop the malice that poured out of me. I glared at him with scorn.

“You’re going to start blaming yourself. Hell, I can see you’re about to blame me as well.” I curled my lip at him in irritation.

Garrett gripped me by the arms and forced me to look at him. “But you can’t do that to yourself. You could do nothing to change what happened. And you can’t start regretting your choices now, it’ll drive you crazy,” he said firmly, giving me a little shake.

“And please, don’t say you regret us and what just happened. Not after everything,” his voice broke and I could only shake my head.

“I can’t do this right now, Garrett. Okay? I need to get to my family,” I bit out, pulling away from his grasp.

Garrett hurriedly buttoned up his shirt. “Then I’m going with you,” he said, leaving no room for argument.

“You don’t have to…” I started but Garrett cut me off by kissing me soundly on the mouth. I blinked up at him in surprise.

“I know I don’t have to. But I want to. Let me be there for you,” he said and I nodded, unable to find the words to answer him.

We walked out to the kitchen and it felt like a lifetime ago that Garrett had carried me back that same hallway. My life changed in that tiny, spare room but right now all I could see was the way everything had exploded. Just when I thought things were sorting themselves out the real world gave me the big ol’ middle finger.

I gave Garrett directions to the hospital but other than that we said very little to each other. Garrett seemed to recognize that I needed my space and I was lost in my own sad, little world. Garrett took my hand as we got into the elevators to take us to the fourth floor where the ICU was. His fingers laced through mine and I even in my shock I felt a small measure of happiness at having him there with me.