Phantom in the Night (B.A.D. Agency, #2)(33)
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

She wrapped her arms around her stomach and looked away as if asking these questions bothered her as much as him. "Let me rephrase that. Have you killed anyone that was not under orders?"

He could say no, but didn’t want to lie to her. They’d agreed to be honest. "Yes, but they deserved to die."

"That doesn’t make killing okay."

"You can’t say that. You weren’t there." Nathan took the ramp to Interstate 10 East.

When she swung back around, fire danced in those green eyes. "Yes, I can say it’s wrong. You can’t decide who lives and who dies, even if they’re criminals."

He’d been judge and jury more times than he wanted to remember, like when he’d killed the two slimes raping that girl in South America. He didn’t talk about those times and tried hard not to think about them, but he wouldn’t apologize for doing what he’d believed was right. "Some criminals can’t be brought to trial."

"You said you were after the same thing as me. Justice. So I want to know, what are you going to do when you find the man who killed your brother? Because I have no doubt that you will find him."

"I’ll make that decision when I’m faced with it."

"That’s not good enough."

"That’s going to have to be good enough for now!" He glared at her for pushing him to think past his grief and anger to answer the question that had plagued him since walking out of prison.

Someone had to be punished for killing Jamie.

Marseaux was untouchable or so it seemed, since law enforcement and the courts hadn’t found a way to capture him yet. If he wasn’t stopped, how many more would die? How many more families would be left bereft?

Someone had to keep the monsters at bay.

"Nathan, you’ve got to turn yourself in."

What the hell? He scowled at her. Had she been smoking some of the DEA’s impounds?

Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. "Brady found out you were released and suspects you of trading places with Jamie. An APB was being issued on both of you as I was leaving the precinct." She sniffled and stared out the windshield. "I’ll help you. Come back with me."

"No."

"Don’t you understand?" she breathed, turning back to him and fisting her hands. "They listed you as armed and dangerous and you’re to be brought in at all costs. You’re suspected of killing three men."

Fury and disbelief tangled inside him. "Who the hell is dead now?"

"Bennie, FinMan, and Hatchet."

He scoffed at the mere thought of wasting his time and skills on their worthlessness. If he was going to bear a murder rap, it would be for someone worth the rest of his life. "I didn’t kill them."

He checked the traffic following them closer. No tails. No blue lights. Nathan glanced at Terri, who stared at him with sad eyes that questioned his statement. "I did not kill those men, Terri. Hell, you know I could have killed Hatchet that night in your bedroom_"And wanted to for hurting her. "But I didn’t. And you saw me turn Hooknose loose. I didn’t have to do that, either."

"Then give yourself up."

"No. Given what I’ve been through, I’m not real trusting of the court system. I’m going to find my brother’s murderer and I’m not going back into a cell. Been there, done that, and I won’t look out through bars ever again."

"A vigilante is a criminal. I won’t help a criminal."

Then get out. It was all he could do not to lash out.

No words had cut him quite like hearing her denounce him as a worthless criminal, no better than Marseaux. "You’d think differently if it was your family."

"No, I wouldn’t." She held his glare for long bold seconds, then broke the staring contest. "My mother was killed by a vigilante who thought he was shooting a man alone in bed. He didn’t realize she was beneath the sheets sleeping when he pumped bullets into the bed of a man he thought had killed his g*y lover. Sure, I wanted to hurt someone when I heard how my mother died. I went pretty wild for a while, but I was a teenager with no family." Terri propped her head against a fisted hand, her elbow supported by the door handle. "But as an adult, I’ve channeled all that pain into working with law enforcement to protect innocent people."

"This is different_" Nathan started.

"The vigilante killed an undercover cop who was trying to find someone murdering gays. My mother had been seeing the cop. Wrong time, wrong place, but that doesn’t change that they are dead because someone let pain blind them to following the laws."

"Terri, I’m trained_"

She held up a hand to stop him. "I don’t care how trained you are, it’s not right. I understand your pain, believe me, but I can’t condone unlawful retribution. And I can’t keep sharing details of my investigation with someone bent on serving his own needs. If you aren’t going to turn yourself in, take me back. I have work to do."

And he’d thought his life had sucked? His admiration for Terri kept taking giant leaps, but nothing was going to deter him from his path. His brother was dead and someone had to pay.

Nathan shook his head. "We still have to figure out what’s going to happen in the next few days." He took the first exit off the interstate and headed back toward the precinct.

"We probably won’t find out anything in time, because you’re interfering with the investigation."

"How do you figure that?" Anger flashed through his words.

"Marseaux’s contacts have started going to ground. They’re afraid of the Drake ghost. We can’t get anything from anyone."

Nathan tapped his thumb against the steering wheel. If he didn’t find Marseaux soon, he’d lose any chance of moving freely around this city. Wasn’t going to take long for every cop in town to be watching for his face.

This license plate would be released with the APB and a ’72 black Javelin stood out in today’s traffic, especially since there’d only been twelve of them ever built.

And his was probably the only one still on the road.

But he couldn’t let Terri down, either. His plan of attack had been so much simpler before she broke into his mother’s house. "I’m not walking back into a jail cell while the person who killed Jamie goes free. Don’t ask me for the impossible."

"Then at least leave Marseaux’s people alone until we find out if there’s going to be a terrorist attack. Can you do that?"

He wanted to say yes, but what if he came face-to-face with Jamie’s killer? She couldn’t expect him to let that bastard go. "I’ll do my best."

"’Do your best’? We’re only talking about saving lives here," she snapped.

"No one saved Jamie’s!" he roared. "Hell, it was the law that put him there and cut him loose to die! I told you I was an ex-con and that I’m looking for Jamie’s killer. None of this is new. What’s really eating at you?"

"Oh, let me see." She lifted her hand, then started counting off fingers, "One_you’re on parole and hunting down Marseaux to maybe or maybe not kill him. Two_there’s an APB out on you with a shoot-to-kill order. Three_a terrorist group might be targeting an American city with a biological agent that could kill untold numbers. Are you hearing a pattern here, Nathan? The word ‘kill’ getting through? People are going to die. You could be one of them."

She was hurting and he was the reason.

Nathan reached over to cover her hand. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her.

She covered her eyes with her free hand. A tear ran down her cheek.

How could one drop of water do so much damage to his heart?

Nathan pulled over into the emergency lane and clicked on his flashers. When Terri looked up, he used his thumb to gently wipe the damp streak along her cheek and leaned over to kiss her, "I knew better than to drag you into my problems."

"You didn’t drag me, I came willingly. I don’t want you killed in a shootout or by Marseaux. I was there, Nathan, I watched Conroy die before my eyes when there was nothing I could do. Nothing. Even with all my training and a gun in my hand, I was helpless, and it’s a bitter feeling of worthlessness I have to deal with every single day for the rest of my life. I don’t ever want to relive that again and definitely not when it concerns someone I care about."

Nathan winced at the pain in her voice. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I’m sorry."

She cupped his neck, kissing him back… a gift he didn’t deserve but desperately wanted. He’d lived inside a hollow cavern he’d called a body for so long he considered it home. But she’d brought life back into his jaded world, had jump-started his heart and now the organ bled for her.

When he ended the kiss, Nathan held her face between his palms, wishing he had the right words to fix everything. Not his strong suit. "I’ll do whatever it takes to help you, but no one else."

Terri nibbled on her lower lip, contemplating something. She leaned back, out of his grasp, swiped a hand across her eyes, then took a breath as if her next words required strength.

"It’s not that simple. I can’t walk a tight wire between you and the law. I know you’re a good and decent man. I went to work this morning thinking I could find a way to give you a chance at staying free and having a life. But you don’t want that. You want revenge more than you want anything_or anyone_right now."

Revenge was all he’d been living for, but when he looked at Terri he wanted so much more that his burn for vengeance simmered. Didn’t matter. He was a hunted man. Staying with Terri any longer only drew her into a danger his presence had created for her. He couldn’t live with himself if she was killed.

"I’m clearly on one side of the fence," she said. "The question is, which side are you on?"

The right side.

But this wasn’t the time for pretty words and promises. He’d always taken the hardest path and he wouldn’t take her down this road with him. "My own side."

Disappointment darkened her gaze. "What would Jamie want you to do?"

Nathan leaned back against his seat, flipped off the emergency blinkers, and pulled back out into traffic. He tried to ignore her question as they rode in silence. That would be about as easy as ignoring the scent of her, which he’d never get out of his car or his mind. Making Jamie’s killer pay was the last thing he could do for his family.

How could he live knowing Jamie’s killer enjoyed life while his brother decomposed in a tomb?

Goddamn them all.

But then maybe he was the one truly damned.

Nathan wouldn’t shirk his duty. "Jamie wouldn’t want me to put myself in danger_"

"Then don’t."

"_but he’d understand that I have to do this. I can’t live knowing his murderer walks the streets free. I. Can’t. The only reason he was in danger was to help me. I owe him justice. If not for me, he’d be alive."

"If not for you, he’d be in jail."

He didn’t want to hear that. "Yeah. I sacrificed two years of my life in hell so that he could be shot in the head and his body dumped nak*d on some docks. Forgive me if I’m just a little pissed off about that."

Nathan watched the traffic ahead, the cars surrounding them and behind, anywhere but her face. He needed to find out who JB was in the DEA, but she’d be duty-bound to alert the agent if she did know him, so asking her for more information only pulled her deeper into this mess. He could find his own answers and never planned on working with law enforcement. No one had ever fought his battles.

He wouldn’t let Terri take the heat for helping him.

Jamie’s death was on Nathan’s head. He wouldn’t add hers.

"Stop here," she told him over a block from the precinct. He hated to drop her so far away, but pulling closer to the building with this car was not wise.

When the car stopped moving, Terri opened her door, then paused. "I don’t want to see your body on a slab in the morgue."

"I know." He struggled to end this on a good note, but there was no right way when everything in his world had gone wrong. "Let me know when you’re ready to drive home. I’ll follow you and… stay near." He couldn’t walk into that house and not make love to her, so he’d just patrol the outside on foot tonight.

She nodded, stepped out, and closed the door.

Nathan watched her until she disappeared inside the swinging door. His chest tightened at the finality of watching that door close.

During Nathan’s tour in the army, Jamie used to tell everyone his big brother was saving the world.

What would Jamie want him to do?

Save the world.

Out of habit, Nathan glanced, around, checking people walking, cars moving past on his side, then his gaze moved to the rearview mirror.

An NOPD squad car was slowing down and angling to pull in behind him… and parked.

Nathan moved his hand to the gearshift.

* * *

Terri walked into more than the normal zoo on the second floor of the temporary precinct building. Sharp words and grim faces painted the room with a palpable tenseness. One pocket of officers and a couple civilians murmured, shoulders hunched in a cringe.

"You aren’t getting that damn container," Philborn shouted at Donnie Sinclair, who stood with three other DEA agents looking just as hostile.

"People are dying and you want to play who’s got the biggest dick? I’ll show you as soon as the court order gets here. Your ass is fried if you don’t open that gate to us." Donnie wheeled around and stormed out. The other agents followed suit while trying to maintain a regal Fed air.

Terri trotted over to her desk, glad not to have been a part of that war. Several officers she passed at desks seemed to be moving fast with a purpose, talking excitedly and speed typing.

Or did she just feel sluggish after her draining ride?

An NOPD detective sat hunched over his desk, elbows propped with one hand holding the phone and the other holding his head."… just because she fits the description of the other blondes, it doesn’t mean your girlfriend has disappeared. I understand, but I still have to send you to Missing Persons to start there and they won’t issue a bulletin until she’s been gone for forty-eight hours. I know you’re worried, but call more people and see if anyone saw her on Canal Street or has heard… "

Terri got to her desk and checked her messages. Taggart hadn’t returned her call, but she wasn’t surprised.