Possession (Fallen Angels #5)(96)
Author: J.R. Ward

“I thought it was natural,” he heard himself say.

“You don’t like brunettes?”

“Ah, no, that’s not it.” He shook his head, thinking, Enough with that psychic. “The blond looks good on you.”

“Thanks.”

As she picked up her fork and started to eat once more, he tried to forget Yasemin Oaks’ warning, the strange men sitting shotgun with him, the sense of foreboding that was killing his otherwise healthy appetite. He should be talking to Cait, pulling a little uncomplicated chatter out of his ass, pretending that he was focused on normal things…

“God, this is so awkward again,” she said. But then she looked up in a flash, as if she hadn’t meant to speak out loud. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean—”

“No, I know what you’re saying.” He pushed his hand through his hair. “I just … I want you to know that no matter what happens … I want to be here. With you.”

He held her stare with his own, and was surprised to find that regardless of the intentions he’d started out with? That was the God’s honest. Sitting in this neat little kitchen, in her neat little house, eating her perfectly cooked lasagna? There was nowhere else he’d rather be—and not because he was making a revenge fantasy real.

And for some crazy f**king reason, he seemed to want her to know that.

He broke the eye contact first. “I haven’t …” He cleared his throat forcefully, and thought that he really should shut the hell up. “I don’t feel things anymore, you know? I don’t … well, I haven’t had emotions like this in forever.”

“Emotions like what?” she whispered.

Duke rubbed the center of his chest, and skirted the question. “You want to know the irony? I was going to be a cardiologist. I was always fascinated by hearts, how they work, why they work. Didn’t get that far, of course. But that was my plan.”

“What really happened?” She reached over and put her hand on his forearm. “You can tell me.”

Well, my brother found out that I was in love with a woman, and he seduced her and left her pregnant … and it f**ked with my head so bad, I’ve never gotten over it. Especially because I knew him all along—I knew what he was capable of. And I’ve been waiting for years to get back at him …

Duke looked across the table at Cait, and finished the thought: You were the way I was going to do it.

For the longest time, he’d been watching G.B. from a distance, checking up on him from the sidelines, monitoring that career of his. And his fraternal twin had proven to have nothing in common with Duke, except for one thing—he never, ever dated anybody seriously. There had been casual hooks, yeah. Things that happened in bars or clubs or behind the scenes. But the bastard had never once invited a woman to see him sing or perform, a specific woman, a woman who was a quality female like this one.

Duke had known the instant Cait had shown up at the Palace Theatre why she was there—G.B.’s fans always came in pairs, besties doubling or tripling up to ogle him and hear him spout shit that was the polar opposite of the person he really was.

Cait, on the other hand, had been there alone, and sure enough, there to meet up with him at his request.

She’d had to be someone special to him to break G.B.’s pattern, and it was not a surprise that both he and his brother were attracted to her—hell, any man with half a brain would be. So Duke had known instantly what to do—yeah, sure, it wouldn’t be even close to what had been done to him, but then, G.B. had always had a much, much thinner skin.

Less was required to have the same effect—

Abruptly, Duke started shaking his head, and before he knew what he was doing, he got to his feet. “I have to go. I’m sorry … I can’t stay.”

As Cait blanched, he knew he really had to leave. She deserved so much better than all this—even though she wanted him, too, his motives hadn’t been clean at the beginning, and for some reason, that seemed to taint everything about his presence here tonight.

“I—”

He cut her off. “This is just a bad idea. I came here for—shit, nothing that you’re going to want or merit.”

She looked at the dinner she’d so carefully prepared for them—and he felt worse than he had in a very, very long time.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am.”

As she put her napkin down and got out of her chair, she straightened the pretty dress she had put on for him. “Okay. And things are awkward, I know. I just…”

“It’s not you—”

“Oh, my God, that line.” She actually smiled a little. “I never thought it would be used on me.”

Duke stepped into her and touched her face. Goddamn, she was so lovely, and as he paused to soak everything in, he knew he was doing the right thing. The beef with his brother was nasty, evil stuff, and nothing this woman needed to get sucked into—he was still going to take his losses out of that ass**le’s hide; he was just going to find another way.

Duke dropped his arm. “I don’t want this to end.”

She frowned. “It doesn’t have to.”

“Yes, it does.”

Cait took hold of his hands. “Listen, I know you say you’re not good at relationships—and I get that. But I’m willing to give it time if you are.”

“Cait—”

“I’m serious. I’m no better at this than you. I haven’t even been on a date in years. After Thom left me for someone else, I’ve just been working and doing all the ‘right’ things. I’ve also been living half a life. I got a wake-up call about six months ago, and I just decided I had to stop putting things off, I had to get out there. I think you’re the same.”

“You don’t know me.”

“So give me a chance to. I’m not going to beg you to stay—that’s up to you. What I am saying is that I’d like the chance to find out where this is going. If that’s not something you’re comfortable with, then you know where the door is—but I think you’re making a huge mistake.”

In the tense silence that followed, Duke was astonished to find himself agreeing with her—even though it was probably a bad idea. As much as he hated to admit it, she had woken him up, and he didn’t want to go back to the shadows—but at the same time? The stakes were high.