Raw(6)
Author: Belle Aurora

Lifting my hands, I see that I am shivering.

This man – Twitch – he does something to me.

Shuffling over to my sofa, I sit and cover myself with a blanket. I’m surprised when he follows me and sits at the opposite end. My surprise turns to stunned disbelief when he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a packet of M&M’s, and throws a few into his mouth.

He chews slowly, watching me watch his mouth. Leaning forward, he holds out the candy and jerks his chin towards it.

When I make no move to take any and continue to stare at him, he pulls back. “Suit yourself.”

Moment of adrenaline over, I mutter, “I should call the cops.”

His eyes flash, and he shakes his head slowly. “No. You won’t. It’s already taken care of.”

What?

Brows furrowed, I ask, “What do you mean taken care of?”

His eyes search my face a long time before he utters, “Got a friend to come and sort out the problem.”

My blood runs cold.

I swallow hard, then whisper, “Is- is he dead?”

Seeming annoyed, he shoots back, “You care?”

A moment of complete honesty passes through me. “No. When you pulled me up, I wished he was dead.”

Twitch nods and his eyes soften. He seems to like that answer. “Don’t ask, don’t tell, Alexa.”

My eyes widen and I shiver. “You know my name.” A statement.

Throwing more candy into his mouth, he sucks on them and looks at me through narrowed brows.

I know what he’s thinking. I’m thinking the same thing.

Why aren’t you freaking out right now?

Then I remember.

Standing, I head to the kitchen, open the top cabinet, and get out my first aid kit. Bringing it back to the sofa, I reach for his hand, but he pulls away. His eyes darken. “Don’t need to do that.”

“Please, let me help you.”

His eyes flash, and he shakes his head a little as if to clear it. Closing his eyes, he murmurs, “Okay.”

Victory and joy swirl through my body. I’m momentarily elated.

My type of work means I come across a lot of different types of people. I know that everyone is different, but what I’m sure about Twitch is that he’s a sociopath.

Opening the bottle of peroxide, I steady my jittery hand as much as possible and pour a little on some cotton. Reaching for his hand, he watches closely as I pick it up and bring it closer to me, resting it on my knee.

“This smelly stuff stings,” I warn before I dab the cotton on his wound.

He doesn’t flinch or make any sign that he’s in discomfort, but his pupils dilate as I wipe at his raw knuckles. Not liking the idea of him being in pain because of me, I bend at the waist, lean down, and blow lightly on his knuckles.

When he grips my knee tightly, I lift my head to look at him. His jaw set, his eyes hooded, he looks pissed. I whisper, “I think you’re good now.”

His face softens at my hushed tone, and he orders gently, “You need to go to sleep. You’ll be sore in the morning. Take ibuprofen.”

I don’t even get a word in before he stands, grips my upper arm firmly-but-gently, and pulls me up. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he walks me down to my room, lifts the covers of my bed, and helps me in.

I’m so relaxed right now. The ferocity of presence is alarming. I feel protected. And safe. I’m not scared of anything right now.

Laying my head down on my pillow, he pulls the covers up and over me before turning and walking away.

My head begins to pound, and my heart races.

What if you never see him again?

Just as I’m about to call out to him, he stops at the door and turns back. Looking a little unsure of himself, he watches me. I sit up, chest heaving. He searches my face for what seems like the billionth time, then asks, “You need my help sleeping?”

No hesitation. “Yes.”

He blinks. His brow furrows. Then he walks away.

Feeling very much alone right now, I can’t help the disappointment that courses through me. I accept the fact that this is how things are destined to be for me forever.

I’ve gone through everything in my life alone. I don’t need anyone now.

You don’t need anyone. It just would’ve been nice to have someone be there for you. Even if it was just for a little while.

Not wanting to think too hard, I close my eyes and lay my head down. But all I see is blackness in its bleakest form. All I feel is gripping fear. My body doesn’t feel like my own at this moment. It feels tarnished and defective.

Shutting my eyes so tight that it hurts, I hear his disgusting panting and bite my lip to stop my whimper. Covering my ear with my palm, I breathe heavily, only to inhale his rancid smell.

The bridge of my nose tingles. And I’m hurting.

I hate him for leaving me.

I hate myself more for wanting him to stay.

Tears slide out of the corner of my eyes, dampening my pillow. I push harder on my ear, trying hopelessly to block tonight out of my mind.

Things like this don’t happen to people like me. Maybe in my old life, but not anymore.

I’m not sure what I’m meant to be feeling after that, but I feel angry. And sad. And wounded. All at once.

I should be used to this. Comforting myself, that is. I revert back to my childhood and curl up on my side in a fetal position, lightly rocking. I need something to drown out my thoughts. Standing, I walk over to the CD player, press play, then all but throw myself back on the bed, once again curling up on my side.

I listen to Guy Sebastian sing about battle scars never fading. Keeping my eyes open for fear of what I’ll see if I close them, I stare into the void that is my room, wetness sliding out of the sides of my eyes.

A creak down by my door makes my ears prickle. Light footfalls follow. My body breaks out into goosebumps. The bed dips. Fright forces my heart to race.

Then…nothing.

I wait wide-eyed for an attack. An assault. Something.

Turning, I see his hood in the low light of the room. And my tight chest eases.

He didn’t leave.

Elation swirls through my troubled mind.

Curling up to watch him, I whisper, “You didn’t leave.”

But he doesn’t answer me. Lying above the covers, he pulls the hood lower onto his face, then places him arms behind his head. He says through a sigh, “Sleep, Lexi.”

Feeling safe, warm, and protected, I close my eyes and let slumber take me to a brighter place than today.

Tomorrow.

Waking with a start, my eyes snap open.

Disappointment fills me.