Retribution (Dark-Hunter #20)(19)
Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

The wasps pulled back enough for them to see a giant mountain lion. It was trying to break through the windshield to get them.

"Oh, this ain’t good," Jess muttered under his breath. He put the car into reverse and backed up at a scary pace. Cutting the wheel, he sent the mountain lion flying. Then he put it in drive and floored it.

Abigail held her breath as panic seized every part of her. She didn’t see any way out of this. "You think Choo Co La Tah can save us again?"

"Eventually, he can stop it. I just don’t know how long we have to hold out. Not to mention, the mountain lion is new. Man, what I wouldn’t give for some catnip right now."

Cars were still running off the road as their drivers were swarmed.

As Jess passed a gas station, an idea hit him. It was lunacy, but …

It was all he had. He headed for another gas station down the street.

Abigail cringed as they pulled into the station and she saw the bodies on the ground of people who’d been caught outside by the wasps and who were now dead from their stings. There were others trapped in cars who screamed for help while the wasps continued to swarm, looking for new victims.

"Is there anything we can do for them?"

"Yeah. Stop Coyote."

That was much easier said than done.

Jess took them to the carwash and pulled inside. She started to ask him what he was doing when all of a sudden, the doors closed, sealing them in. The mountain lion slammed into the door, but couldn’t reach them through the tough plastic.

Waving his hand, Jess appeared to make the water come on.

The wasps around their car went crazy as they were sprayed.

Her heart lightened. It was a brilliant idea. They were going to drown the wasps.

Laughing, she turned to Jess and kissed him on the cheek. "You’re a genius!"

"Ah now, don’t be going on like that. I might actually think you like me, and where would we be then?"

He was right. That was even more terrifying than being assaulted by killer wasps and angry mountain lions. And as that thought went through her head, she was struck with another realization.

"You have telekinesis."

He nodded. "A little, but it’s not always reliable."

"How so?"

"I’ve had a few mishaps with it. I used to try and control it more, but after an embarrassing incident, I learned to leave it be."

This she wanted to hear. "What embarrassing incident?"

He actually blushed. "Really don’t want to share or relive it. Suffice it to say, it learned me a thing or two that I’ve never forgotten."

All righty, then. She leaned back in the seat while the water and suds took care of their menace for them. It slid the wasps around and made a nice thick ick on the ground. And as she sat there watching them go down the drains and fall away, the horror of her actions hit her fully.

She’d killed a friend tonight.

And she’d lost her family.

I’m alone. But it was so much worse than that …

Jess felt her sadness as if it were inside him. He watched her in the dim light while emotions flitted across her face and darkened her eyes. "It’ll be all right." He tried to reassure her.

She shook her head in denial. "No. Everything I’ve ever known. Everything I’ve been told by the people I loved was a lie." She held her hand up, grateful it was human and not demon, and yet she knew the truth….. "I let them mix me with a demon and my adoptive brother did the same, too. I don’t know what I am now. I don’t know what he is. It was all so clear before. Kill you. Avenge my parents, and then protect my family and the Apollites and humans from the Dark-Hunters." A single tear went down her cheek as she met his gaze. "I’m a monster, Jess. I’ve destroyed myself."

Those words tugged at his heart and reminded him of the day he’d come to that same realization. It was so hard to see the truth in yourself.

Harder still to face it.

"You’re not a monster, Abby. Confused, I’ll give you. But not a monster. Believe me. I’ve seen those enough to know."

"Yeah, right."

He cupped her cheek and turned her head to face him so that she could see his sincerity. "Look at me, Abby. I know what it’s like to wake up every single day, angry at the world. Angry at God and humanity for what they’ve done to you and to want to make them pay for it. To feel like the entire world sees you as nothing but its whipping boy. Like you, my mother died when I was a little kid. She was the only thing good I had. The only one who’d ever made me feel like I was human. My father hated me, and he never hid that fact from anyone. He took his own anger at the world out on me, and it left a lot of scars, inside and out. To this day, I can still hear him and that hatred in my head, trying to poison my thoughts. Trying to poison me. I ran away from home after he almost killed me. Thirteen, I was. I tried to find decent work or someplace to stay and call home. What I found out was that people like to kick others when they’re down, even when they’re just kids. They get a sick thrill out of it. Makes them feel big and powerful while it destroys the heart and soul of their unfortunate victim."

He swallowed as some of his harshest lessons resurfaced and he saw the faces of those who’d wronged him. But this wasn’t about him-it was about her.

"I learned human decency is probably the rarest creature out there. And I couldn’t find anyone who didn’t want to take advantage of me or hurt me even worse than my pa had. And it hardened me even more. By the time I was sixteen, that poison had rotted me from the inside out. It colored everything about me. I justified what I did to other people by reminding myself of how they’d treated me. They deserved whatever I did to them. Do unto others before they do unto you."

"You became a killer."

He nodded. "Until the day I killed a boy, thinking he was a man. He’d wanted to avenge his pa, and for the first time in my life, I saw someone else capable of love and sacrifice. Believe it or not, it was something I hadn’t seen except from my mother. And as stupid as it sounds, I’d convinced myself that it was unique to her and that no one else had it in them. But after that, I saw the difference between love and loyalty. Most of all, I saw what I’d become. What my hatred had turned me into."

His dark gaze was filled with torment. "Don’t talk to me about monsters. I was one of the worst."

A few days ago, she’d have agreed completely. Hell, a few hours ago, she’d have agreed. Now …

"You told me you never killed a woman or child."

"Just that one time, and I never got over it. One stupid mistake that has lived with me every day since. Bart told me I was an idiot to let it bother me. Better he give up the ghost than I be the one lying in a grave. But that boy didn’t give up the ghost. Not really. It followed me from town to town, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t escape it. Until the day a beautiful woman smiled at me. She didn’t see the ugliness I kept inside. For the first time in my life, she saw the man I wanted to be, and she helped me to find him. Because of her, I learned that, yeah, people are selfish ass**les for the most part, but not everyone is. That there are some rare beings out there who will help others and not abuse them. People who really don’t want anything from you."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Acheron always says that our scars are there to remind us of our pasts, of where we’ve been and what we’ve gone through. But that pain doesn’t have to drive or determine our future. We can rise above it if we let ourselves. It’s not easy, but nothing in life ever is."

Those words haunted her. Like he said, she’d allowed her past to color everything about her and to infect any part of happiness she might try to find. She’d worn her scars like a badge, and her family had used them against her. Not for her best interest.

For theirs.

His warm hand felt so good as he soothed her. "I don’t see the monster in you, Abby. Monsters don’t care about other people, and they don’t care who they hurt. In you, I see a woman who is strong. One who knows what’s right and who will do whatever she has to to protect the ones she loves."

"I killed your friends," she reminded him.

"And I’m not happy about that. But your head wasn’t screwed on right. It’s easy to let the enemies in and listen to them sometimes, especially when they’re pretending to be your best friends who only want the best for you. At least that’s what they claim. They’re insidious bastards, telling you what you want to hear and using your emotions to manipulate you into doing their bidding. I did it with Bart. I thought he was the only person in the world who gave a shit about me, and I would have protected him with my life."

That was how she’d felt about Kurt.

"Sooner or later, usually out of jealousy, their real colors come out and you see the truth that makes you feel like a fool. I know that betrayal, Abigail. That sting that’s so deep inside, it leaves a permanent scar on your soul. But you don’t have to be like them. And you’re not."

She felt her tears start falling at his words. He made her feel so much better, and she wasn’t sure she had a right to. Honestly. She’d hurt so many people. Destroyed lives.

Over a lie …

Before she realized what she was doing, she had her belt unhooked and crawled into his lap.

Jess slid the seat back so that he could hold her in the darkness. The scent of her hair filled his head as his heart thumped wildly. He held her close, wishing he could take away the pain.

Only time could do that.

And it sucked at it. "It’ll be all right, Abigail."

"Yeah, after I sacrifice myself for my stupidity."

"I told you, I’m not going to let that happen."

Abigail wanted to believe him. She did. But she knew better. "There’s nothing to be done. It is what it is."

He scoffed at that. "You’re talking to a man who sold his soul to a goddess to get revenge on the man who killed him. Really? You think this is impossible?"

She smiled against his chest. The way he said that, she could almost believe in a miracle. For the first time, she wanted to. She buried her face against his shoulder, inhaling his scent. Why was it that here, she finally felt safe? Even though there were enemies all around and a vicious mountain lion waiting outside to devour them, she felt safe. It defied all logic and sense.

Jess kissed the top of her head while his own emotions flared deep. He’d forgotten what it was like to look into a woman’s eyes and see a future he craved. To be this close to one and to share things about his past that he told to no one.

Not even Matilda had known what he told to Abigail tonight. While he’d loved her, he’d always lived with the fear that she’d find out about his past and be horrified by it. That she’d cast him aside as everyone else had and hate him for the very things he’d done to survive.

But Abigail knew his ugliness.

She felt his scars.

It made him feel all the closer to her. Appreciate her more for not judging him. At least not now. She understood how easy it was to get sucked into a nightmare and how hard it was to get out. To do things you thought were justified and then wake up and realize you’d been duped. Lied to.

Used.

He’d woken up as a Dark-Hunter only to feel like a whore. Like he’d sold his life away for pocket change. And for what? To die alone in the gutter at the hands of his best friend.

He could hide his past from everyone, except himself. That was the hardest part. Even when you tried, forgiveness didn’t come easy.

Some days it didn’t come at all.

Maybe it would be kinder to let her die so that she wouldn’t have to face that agony.

Life ain’t supposed to be kind.

True. And God knew, it’d been nothing but a kick in his groin most days. But then there were moments like this one. Perfect moments of feeling close to someone. Of letting their warmth soothe you.

That was what living was about. That was being human. When everything hurt and everything was wrong, to have that one person who could make you smile even when all you wanted to do was cry.

These were the moments that got you through the bad.

Abigail looked up at him. He stared into those clear eyes as her breath tickled his skin.

And in that heartbeat, he knew he would die to protect her.

God help me.

The last time he felt this way, he had died. Leaning his head down, he pressed his forehead against hers and tried to see the future.

If there was one after all of this.

But he knew the truth. He was a Dark-Hunter, and she was …

Unique. There was nothing in the Dark-Hunter handbook about this situation.

He looked outside the car wash to see the wasps still swarming as they tried to find a way in. He didn’t know how long this wave would last. How much time they had for anything.

Abigail cupped his head with her hand as her thoughts warred with each other. In spite of what Jess said, she couldn’t see anyway out of this.

Except for death.

She’d really screwed up this time. In a life marked by mistakes, this had been the mother lode. And she’d dragged a good man into the nightmare with her.

Emotions ripped through her so fast, she couldn’t even sort them out. She wanted to feel grounded again. To feel like she had a future.

But the only thing that kept her anchored was Jess.

Her heart swelling, she pulled his lips to hers and kissed him. This was probably the last night of her life. She’d be lucky if any of them were alive by dawn.