Rise of the Evening Star

thought you had tricked me into drinking poison or something.

Your mind was searching for threats to justify the emotion,

Tanu said. It helped that you knew beforehand the emotion was coming. Had I drugged you by surprise, it would have been much more difficult to make sense of the experience afterwards. Let alone if I used a higher dosage. Imagine if I made that emotion much more intense and longer lasting.

You have to try it, Seth said to Kendra.

I’m not sure I want to, Kendra said. Can’t I feel something happy?

You should try an emotion you would normally resist if you want to appreciate the potency, Tanu said. It’s alarming in the moment, but you’ll feel fine afterwards. In a way, it’s cleansing. An occasional foray into negative emotions makes feeling normal that much sweeter.

He’s right, I feel great now, Seth said. Like the riddle.108 Why do you hit yourself in the head fifty times with a hammer?Why? Kendra asked.

Because it feels so good when you stop!

Try an emotion other than fear, Tanu said. For the sake of variety.

Pick one for me, Kendra said. Don’t tell me what it is.

You sure? Tanu asked.

Yeah, if I’m going to do it, I want you to surprise me.

Tanu put another glop of beige paste on a leaf and mixed in drops from three bottles. He gave the leaf to Kendra, and she popped it into her mouth and chewed it up, sitting down on the carpet in the middle of the room. The leaf was a little tricky to chew. It did not taste like something you were supposed to eat. The paste was pretty good. It melted in her mouth and was a little sweet. She swallowed.

Seth edged over to Tanu and whispered something to him. Kendra realized he was probably asking what emotion to expect. Kendra focused on remaining aware that a phony emotion was about to surface. If she concentrated hard enough, she should be able to keep it under control. She’d feel it, but she wouldn’t let it overwhelm her. Tanu whispered something back to Seth. They were both staring at her expectantly. What was their deal? Did she have a piece of the leaf caught in her teeth? Seth whispered something else to Tanu.

Why are you whispering? Kendra accused. It came out a little harsher than she intended, but they were being so109 secretive all of a sudden. Had she whispered to Tanu? No!She had spoken so everyone could hear her. It seemed obvious they were no longer talking about the potion-they were gossiping about her.

Seth laughed at her question, and Tanu grinned.

Tears stung Kendra’s eyes. Did I say something funny?

she challenged, her voice cracking a bit. Seth laughed harder. Tanu chuckled. Kendra ground her teeth, her face flushing. Once again, she was the outcast. Seth always made friends so quickly. He had already turned Tanu against her.

It was fourth grade all over again; she was eating lunch alone, silently hoping for somebody to talk to her. Hoping somebody besides a teacher would notice and include her.

It’s all right, Kendra, Tanu said kindly. Remember, it isn’t real.

Why was he trying to reassure her? All of a sudden she realized what Seth must have whispered to him. He had pointed out the pimple on her chin! Seth had said that her face was erupting like a volcano, that grime was clogging her pores and turning her into a freakish sideshow. That was why they had laughed! Seth had probably accused her of not washing enough, even though she scrubbed her face every night! But of course Tanu would believe Seth, because the evidence was right there on her chin, as subtle as a lighthouse.

And now that Tanu had noticed, the pimple would be all he saw. She hung her head. Tanu would almost certainly tell Grandpa. And all the others! They’d laugh behind her back. She would never be able to show her face again!

Her cheeks burned. She began to weep. Grudgingly, she110 glanced up. They both looked astonished. Seth wasapproaching her. It’s okay, Kendra, he said.

She buried her face in her arms, sobbing. Why did they keep staring at her? Why wouldn’t they leave her alone?

Hadn’t they done enough? Enduring their pity was much worse than suffering their scorn. She wished she could just disappear.

It’ll be over soon, Tanu assured her.

What did he know? This could be just the beginning!

She had been lucky so far, with only the occasional pimple now and again, but soon she might be disfigured by vast constellations of acne. Red lumps would pile up until she looked like she had thrust her head into a beehive. Now that Seth had set the tone of mocking her, things would never be the same. From here on out, all she could look forward to were cruel jokes and false sympathy. She had to get away.

Kendra jumped to her feet. I hate you, Seth! she yelled, not caring what anyone would think of the outburst.

Her reputation was already damaged beyond repair. She ran from the room. Behind her, she heard Tanu telling Seth to let her go. Where could she hide? The bedroom! She raced to the stairs and started charging up them two at a time.

And suddenly she realized how ridiculous it would look for her to run away. She stopped, her hand gripping the banister.

The situation abruptly seemed much less tragic.

Was she sure Seth had pointed out the pimple to Tanu?

Even if he had, was it that big of a deal? Almost every teen got pimples from time to time. Now that she thought about it, was it even likely that Seth had mentioned anything111 about the pimple? No! She had jumped to that conclusionon her own, with very little evidence. It was the potion!

This was just like when Seth assumed he had been poisoned!

Even though she had tried to anticipate it, the emotion had blindsided her. It seemed ridiculously obvious now.

Kendra returned to the parlor, wiping away the tears.

She had cried a lot. Her sleeves were damp, and her nose was congested. That was incredible, she said.

What emotion do you think it was? Seth asked.

Embarrassment? Kendra guessed.

Close, Tanu said. It was shame. A hybrid of embarrassment and sorrow.

I thought, Kendra said, hesitating for a moment to divulge her ridiculous assumption, I thought that Seth was pointing out the pimple on my chin. And it suddenly seemed like he had revealed the guiltiest secret of all time. I

thought you two were making fun of me. Not that I love getting pimples, but it was suddenly blown all out of proportion.

Again, your mind was seizing on something to try to make sense of the emotion, Tanu said. Can you see the power emotion has to distort our outlook? Makes you wonder, did you have a bad day, or did you make it a bad day?

I thought if I stayed focused I could keep the emotion under control, Kendra said.

Not unreasonable, Tanu said. We can exert a lot of control over our emotions. But sometimes they run away with us. These bottled-up emotions hit you with a lot of112 force. It would take a shockingly strong will to resist them.In large enough doses, I don’t see how anybody could.