Safe Haven(30)
Author: Nicholas Sparks

She hadn’t wanted to take the identification from the Feldmans’ files, hadn’t even considered the possibilityuntil Gladys had pulled out the file to show her Katie’s graduation photo. She’d seen the birth certificate and thesocial security card next to the photo and recognized the opportunity they presented. The next time she’d gone tothe house, she’d excused herself to go to the bathroom and had gone to the file cabinet instead. Later, as she ateblueberry pie with them in the kitchen, the documents felt like they were burning in her pockets. A week later, aftermaking a copy of the birth certificate at the library and folding and wrinkling it to make it appear dated, she put thedocument in the file. She would have done the same with the social security card, but she couldn’t make a goodenough copy and she hoped that if they noticed it was missing, they would believe it had been lost or misplaced.

She reminded herself that Kevin would never know what she’d done. He didn’t like the Feldmans and thefeeling was mutual. She suspected that they knew he beat her. She could see it in their eyes as they watched herdart across the road to visit them, in the way they pretended never to notice the bruises on her arms, in the waytheir faces tightened whenever she mentioned Kevin. She wanted to think that they would have been okay withwhat she’d done, that they would have wanted her to take the identification, because they knew she needed it andwanted her to escape.

They were the only people she missed from Dorchester and she wondered how Larry was doing. They wereher friends when she had no one else, and she wanted to tell Larry that she was sorry for his loss. She wanted tocry with him and talk about Gladys and to tell him that because of them, her life was better now. She wanted to tellhim that she’d met a man who loved her, that she was happy for the first time in years.

But she would do none of those things. Instead, she simply stepped out onto the porch and, through eyes thatwere blurry with tears, watched the storm tear leaves from the trees.

“You’ve been quiet tonight,” Alex said. “Is everything okay?”

She’d made tuna casserole for dinner and Alex was helping her with the dishes. The kids were in the livingroom, both of them playing handheld computer games; she could hear the beeps and buzzes over the sound ofthe faucet.

“A friend of mine passed away,” she said. She handed him a plate to dry. “I knew it was coming, but it’s stillsad.”

“It’s always sad,” he agreed. “I’m sorry.” He knew enough not to ask for further details. Instead, he waited onthe chance she wanted to say more, but she washed another glass and changed the subject.

“How long do you think the storm is going to last?” she asked.

“Not long. Why?”

“I was just wondering whether the carnival tomorrow is going to be canceled. Or whether the flight is going tobe canceled.”

Alex glanced out the window. “It should be fine. It’s already blowing through. I’m pretty sure we’re on the tailend of it now.”

“Just in time,” Katie remarked.

“Of course. The elements wouldn’t dare mess with the well-laid plans of the carnival committee. Or Joyce forthat matter.”

She smiled. “How long is it going to take you to pick up Joyce’s daughter?”

“Probably four or five hours. Raleigh’s not exactly convenient to this place.”

“Why didn’t she fly into Wilmington? Or just rent a car?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask, but if I had to guess I’d say she wanted to save some money.”

“You’re doing a good thing, you know. Helping Joyce like that.”

He gave a nonchalant shrug, indicating that it wasn’t a big deal. “You’ll have fun tomorrow.”

“At the carnival or with the kids?”

“Both. And if you ask me nice, I’ll treat you to some deep-fried ice cream.”

“Fried ice cream? It sounds disgusting.”

“It’s actually tasty.”

“Is everything fried down here?”

“If it can be fried, believe me, someone will find a way. Last year, there was a place serving deep-fried butter.”

She almost gagged. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. It sounded terrible, but people were lining up to buy it. They might as well have been lining up for heartattacks.”

She washed and rinsed the last of the cups, then passed it to him. “Do you think the kids liked the dinner Imade? Kristen didn’t eat very much.”

“Kristen never eats much. And more important, I liked it. I thought it was delicious.”

She shook her head. “Who cares about the kids, right? As long as you’re happy?”

“I’m sorry. I’m a narcissist at heart.”

She ran the soapy sponge over a plate and rinsed it. “I’m looking forward to spending some time at yourhouse.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re always here, not there. Don’t get me wrong—I understand it was the right thing to do becauseof the kids.” And because of Carly , she also thought, but she didn’t mention that part. “It’ll give me the chance tosee how you live.”

Alex took the plate. “You’ve been there before.”

“Yes, but not for more than a few minutes, and then only in the kitchen or living room. It’s not like I’ve had thechance to check out your bedroom or peek in your medicine cabinet.”

“You wouldn’t do that.” Alex feigned outrage.

“Maybe if I had the chance, I might.”

He dried the plate and put it in the cupboard. “Feel free to spend as much time in my bedroom as you like.”

She laughed. “You’re such a man.”

“I’m just saying that I wouldn’t mind. And feel free to peek in the medicine cabinet, too. I have no secrets.”

“So you say,” she teased. “You’re talking to someone who only has secrets.”

“Not from me.”

“No,” she agreed, her face serious. “Not from you.”

She washed two more plates and handed them to him, feeling a wave of contentment wash over her as shewatched him dry and put them away.

He cleared his throat.

“Can I ask you something?” he said. “I don’t want you to take it the wrong way, but I’ve been curious.”

“Go ahead.”

He used the towel on his arms, dabbing at stray droplets, buying time. “I was wondering if you’d given morethought to what I said last weekend. In the parking lot, after seeing the rodeo monkeys?”

“You said a lot of things,” she said cautiously.

“Don’t you remember? You told me that Erin couldn’t get married, but I said that Katie probably could?”

Katie felt herself stiffen, less at the memory than at the serious tone he was using. She knew exactly where thiswas leading. “I remember,” she said with forced lightness. “I think I said I would have to meet the right guy.”

At her words, his lips tightened, as if he were debating whether to continue. “I just wanted to know if youthought about it. Us eventually getting married, I mean.”

The water was still warm as she started on the silverware. “You’d have to ask first.”

“But if I did?”

She found a fork and scrubbed it. “I suppose I’d tell you that I love you.”

“Would you say yes?”

She paused. “I don’t want to get married again.”

“You don’t want to, or you don’t think you can?”

“What’s the difference?” Her expression remained stubborn, closed. “You know I’m still married. Bigamy isillegal.”

“You’re not Erin anymore. You’re Katie. As you pointed out, your driver’s license proves it.”

“But I’m not Katie, either!” she snapped before turning toward him. “Don’t you get that? I stole that name frompeople I cared about! People who trusted me.” She stared at him, feeling the surge of tension from earlier in theday, recalling with fresh intensity Gladys’s kindness and pity, her escape, and the nightmarish years with Kevin.

“Why can’t you just be happy with the way things are? Why do you have to push so hard for me to be the personyou want me to be rather than the person that I am?”

He flinched. “I love the person that you are.”

“But you’re making it conditional!”

“I’m not!”

“But you are!” she insisted. She knew she was raising her voice but she couldn’t seem to stop it. “You havethis idea of what you want in life and you’re trying to make me fit into it!”

“I don’t,” Alex protested. “I simply asked you a question.”

“But you wanted a specific answer! You wanted the rightanswer, and if you didn’t get it, you were going to tryto convince me otherwise. That I should do what you want! That I should do everything you want!”

For the first time ever, Alex narrowed his eyes at her. “Don’t do this,” he said.

“Do what? Tell the truth? Tell you how I feel? Why? What are you going to do? Hit me? Go ahead.”

He physically recoiled as though she’d slapped him. She knew her words had hit their mark, but instead ofgetting angry, Alex set the dish towel on the counter and took a step backward. “I don’t know what’s going on, butI’m sorry that I even brought it up. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or try to convince you of anything. I wasjust trying to have a conversation.”

He paused, waiting for her to say something, but she stayed silent. Shaking his head, he started to leave thekitchen before coming to a stop. “Thank you for dinner,” he whispered.

In the living room, she heard him tell the kids it was getting late, heard the front door open with a squeak. Heclosed the door softly behind him and the house was suddenly quiet, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

32

Kevin was having trouble staying between the lines on the highway. He’d wanted to keep his mind sharp, but hishead had begun to pound and he’d been sick to his stomach, so he’d stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottleof vodka. It numbed the pain, and as he sipped it through a straw, all he could think about was Erin and how she’dchanged her name to Katie.

The interstate was a blur. Headlights, double pinpricks of white, rose in intensity as they approached from theopposite direction and then vanished when they passed him. One after another. Thousands. People going places,doing things. Kevin driving to North Carolina, heading south to find his wife. Leaving Massachusetts, drivingthrough Rhode Island and Connecticut. New York and New Jersey. The moon rose, orange and angry beforeturning white, and crossed the blackened sky above him. Stars overhead.

Hot wind blew through the open window and Kevin held the wheel steady, his thoughts a jigsaw of mismatchedpieces. The bitch had left him. She’d abandoned the marriage and left him to rot and believed she was smarterthan he was. But he’d found her. Karen Feldman had crossed the street and he’d learned that Erin had a secret.

But not anymore. He knew where Erin lived, he knew where she was hiding. Her address was scribbled on a pieceof paper on the seat beside him, held in place by the Glock he’d brought from home. On the backseat was a duffelbag filled with clothes and handcuffs and duct tape. On his way out of town, he stopped at an ATM and withdrew afew hundred dollars. He wanted to smash Erin’s face with his fists as soon as he found her, bloody it to an uglypulp. He wanted to kiss her and hold her and beg her to come home. He filled the tank near Philadelphia andremembered how he’d tracked her there.

She’d made a fool of him, carrying on a secret life he hadn’t even known about. Visiting the Feldmans, cookingand cleaning for them while she plotted and schemed and lied. What else, he wondered, had she lied about? Aman? Maybe not then, but there had to be a man by now. Kissing her. Caressing her. Taking her clothes off.

Laughing at him. They were probably in bed together right now. Her and the man. Both of them laughing at himbehind his back. I showed him, didn’t I? she was saying as she laughed. Kevin didn’t even see it coming.

It made him crazy to think about. Furious. He’d been on the road for hours already, but Kevin kept driving. Hesipped his vodka and blinked rapidly to clear his vision. He didn’t speed, didn’t want to get pulled over. Not with agun on the seat beside him. She was afraid of guns and always asked him to lock his up when he finished hisshift, which he did.

But it wasn’t enough. He could buy her a house, furniture, and pretty clothes and take her to the library and thehair salon and it still wasn’t enough. Who could understand it? Was it so hard to clean the house and cookdinner? He never wanted to hit her, only did it when he had no other choice. When she was stupid or careless orselfish. She brought it on herself.

The engine droned, the noise steady in his ears. She had a driver’s license now and she was a waitress at arestaurant called Ivan’s. Before he left, he’d spent some time on the Internet and had made some calls. It hadn’tbeen hard to track her down because the town was small. It took him less than twenty minutes to find out whereshe worked. All he had to do was dial the number and ask if Katie was there. On the fourth call, someone said yes.

He hung up without a word. She thought she could hide forever, but he was a good detective and he’d found her.

I’m coming, he thought to himself. I know where you live and where you work and you won’t get away again.

He passed billboards and exit ramps, and in Delaware the rain started to fall. He rolled up the window and feltthe wind begin to push the car sideways. A truck ahead of him was swerving, the trailer wheels riding the lines. Heturned on the wipers and the windshield cleared. But the rain began to fall even harder and he leaned over thewheel, squinting into the fuzzy orbs of oncoming headlights. His breath began to fog the glass and he turned onthe defroster. He would drive all night and find Erin tomorrow. He’d bring her home and they’d start over again.