Scarlet

“Fine,” I said. I stood, feeling only a little wobbly.

“Scar, you’re sick,” Rob said, and his voice were rough and a little frightening.

“I ain’t sick,” I snapped. “I just told you, I eat when I’m hungry.”

John were still on one knee. “You’re too hungry. That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

I crossed my arms, and he stood up.

“That’s what happens when you don’t eat enough—you can’t even eat when you want to. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I eat, for Christ’s sake,” I growled. I moved to go back into the tavern, but Rob wouldn’t budge.

“Still, after all this time?” Rob asked, soft. “You’ve been lying to me about eating more?”

“It’s not about you, Rob,” John said.

Rob’s eyes shot to John, but I didn’t dare look at neither. “No, it’s about her. I promised I’d look out for you, Scar. After you were so hungry in London, I swore to you that I’d get you fed. Why have you lied to me all this time?”

I felt shame rising up in my throat behind the food, and I hit his chest. “Because it weren’t what you wanted to hear, Rob!”

“Well, I’m listening now, Scar.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine! I eat. But these damn bruises make my face hurt so much my stomach twists up. And sometimes just thinking of all these people that can’t even scrape up a crumb, that twists up my belly too. But there ain’t much I can do ’bout it.” I glared at him. “And it doesn’t go away. It ain’t something you can fix. I were hungry for a long time, Rob, and much as I’d like, bits of me won’t never get over that. No matter what you grump at me ’bout.”

He grabbed my arms, bringing me close to his face, and his eyes looked like the ocean, deep and dark and full of things I knew nothing ’bout. “We don’t lie to each other, Scar. Especially not about things that mean I might lose you.”

My breath froze in my chest. Did he just say that?

He let me go. “Because losing one member would put the whole band at risk. Do you understand?”

Just like that, I felt all the heat leave my bones, and I shivered. I nodded, and John put his arm around me. Christ, he were warm all of the sudden. “Let’s get inside.” To me, quieter, he said, “Try eating some bread or broth. They’ll go down easier than a pie.”

I nodded and let him keep his arm around me as we went in. John sat real close to me, warm and protective. He pulled a piece of bread off the plate with the pie and pushed it toward me.

In all the time I’d known John, he’d played the older brother to most everyone at some point, but never with me. And to have him do it then felt fair strange.

I picked the bread up and took a little bite, gnawing on it a bit. “I have some information,” I said, hating how feeble my voice sounded.

Rob didn’t look at me. “Go ahead.”

“Gisbourne’s getting us back. He’s tripling the forest patrols, day and night. Anyone caught poaching will be strung up the next dawn.”

Rob nodded. “Well, he could have done worse. We’re prepared for worse. Just tell the townspeople that we’ll get them food; they can’t risk it themselves.”

“I don’t think it helps,” Much said. “They all know if they get caught, we’ll get them out, so they try it anyway.”

“Then tell them Gisbourne intends to kill them on sight,” Rob said. “Because I’m sure that’s what he really has in mind anyway.”

I nodded. “He’s every kind of awful.”

“Which also means for the next few days, we all will be hunting and patrolling the forest in pairs, then scaring up the roads in the morning.” He sighed, and his shoulders bent a little, like someone were shoving down hard. “We can sell the furs, at least.”

“And antlers,” I added.

He nodded. “If anyone’s not up to doubling their time over, say it now.”

We all were silent.

“Good. Stay sharp. We can’t afford mistakes right now. Scar, since you and I are the hunters, I’ll take John and you take Much.”

Everyone stopped at this.

“That’s foolish. I’ll go with Scar,” John said. Rob’s face turned stormy, but John continued. “Rob, I’m no hunter, but if she runs amok of Gisbourne’s men, I’ll be more help than Much.” Much frowned, and John shrugged. “Sorry, Much.”

Much sighed. “He’s right. We’re the scrawny ones, Scar.”

“But we both have our uses,” I reminded.

“Fine,” Rob said, his teeth gritted. “John, go with Scar.”

I waited for John to make some rub about going with me, but he didn’t. Who knew it took retching for a lug like him to be friend-like? Not that I expected it to last long, mind.

“Should we go now?” Much asked.

“Would you two wait outside for a moment?” Rob asked, nodding to John and Much. “Can we talk, Scar?”

I didn’t nod, but I didn’t leave neither. I let John out from the bench and leaned against the wall, crossing my arms and looking down. He leaned against the opposite wall, looking at me. “What should I be doing for you, Scar? Honestly.”

“Doing?” I repeated.

“When we left London, you weren’t eating, and I tried so hard to get you to eat more. For years now I thought it was working. I thought you were eating just fine. But you’re not, and I don’t know what to do for you.” He raked his hand over his hair, and it went every which way in his wake. “You scare me,” he said. “Thinking of you hurting scares me. So I have to do something. And you need to tell me what it is, because obviously what I was doing before wasn’t right.”

“I don’t know,” I murmured.

“You don’t eat.”

My mug felt hot. “I don’t need much. After London, it were always fair hard to eat much. Having none for so long weren’t easy. And now that I do, there are other people that need it more.”

“Why didn’t you eat in London? You’re one of the best thieves I’ve ever met. You could have stolen your body weight in food.”

A scoff jumped out of my throat. “I were barely a thief then. Besides, there were other people that needed it there too.”

“Was there a person in London you were stealing food for?”