Shades of Twilight

glad to take Jessie into their homes, but Roanna would simply be too much trouble.

"I’ll be good!" she wanted to cry but held the words inside just as she held the tears. What had she done that was so terrible they didn’t want her? She tried to be a good girl, she said "ma’am" and "sir" when she talked to them. Was it because she had sneaked a ride on Thunderbolt? No one ever would have known if she hadn’t fallen off and torn her new dress and gotten it dirty, and on Easter Sunday, at that. Mama had had to take her home to change clothes, and she’d had to wear an old dress to church. Well, it hadn’t exactly been old, it had been one of her regular church dresses, but it hadn’t been her gorgeous new Easter dress. One of the other girls at church had asked her why she hadn’t worn an Easter dress, and Jessie had laughed and said because she’d fallen in a pile of horse doo-doo. Only Jessie hadn’t said doo-doo, she’d used the bad word, and some boys had heard, and soon it was all over church that Roanna Davenport had said she’d fallen in a pile of horse shit.

Grandmother had gotten that disapproving look on her face, and Aunt Gloria’s mouth had pursed up like she’d bitten into a green persimmon. Aunt Janet had looked down at her and just shook her head. But Daddy had laughed and hugged her shoulder and said that a little horse shit never hurt anybody. Besides, his Little Bit needed some fertilizer to grow.

Daddy. The lump in her chest swelled until she could barely breathe around it. Daddy and Mama were gone forever, and so was Aunt Janet. Roanna had always liked Aunt Janet, even though she’d always seemed so sad and hadn’t liked to cuddle much. Still, she’d been a lot nicer than Aunt Gloria.

Aunt Janet was Jessie’s mama. Roanna wondered if Jessie’s chest hurt the way hers did, if she’d cried so much that the insides of her eyelids felt like sand. Maybe. It was hard to tell what Jessie thought. She didn’t think a grubby kid like Roanna was worth paying any attention to; Roanna had heard her say so.

As Roanna stared unblinkingly out the window, she saw Jessie and their cousin Webb come into view, as if she had dreamed them into being. They walked slowly across the yard toward the huge old oak tree with the bench swing hanging from one of the massive lower limbs. Jessie looked beautiful, Roanna thought, with all the unabashed admiration of a seven-year-old. She was as slim and graceful as Cinderella at the ball, with her dark hair twisted into a knot at the back of her head and her neck rising swanlike above the dark blue of her dress. The gap between seven and thirteen was huge; to Roanna, Jessie was grown, a member of that mysterious, authoritative group who could give orders. That had happened only within the last year or so, because though Jessie had always before been classified as a "big girl" to Roanna’s "little girl," Jessie had still played dolls and indulged in the occasional game of hide-and-seek. No longer, though. Jessie now disdained all games except Monopoly and spent a lot of time playing with her hair and begging Aunt Janet for cosmetics.

Webb had changed, too. He had always been Roanna’s favorite cousin, always willing to get down on the floor and wrestle with her, or help her hold the bat so she could hit the softball. Webb loved horses the way she did, too, and could occasionally be begged into riding with her. He got impatient with that, though, because she was only allowed to ride her old slowpoke pony. Lately, Webb hadn’t wanted to spend any time with her at all; he was too busy with other things, he’d say, but he sure seemed to have a lot of time to spend with Jessie. That was why she’d tried to ride Thunderbolt on Easter morning, so she could show Daddy that she was old enough for a real horse.

Roanna watched as Webb and Jessie sat down in the swing, their fingers laced together. Webb had gotten a lot bigger in the past year; Jessie looked little sitting beside him. He was playing football, and his shoulders were twice

as wide as Jessie’s. Grandmother, she’d heard one of the aunts say, doted on the boy. Webb and his mama, Aunt Yvonne, lived here at Davencourt with Grandmother, because Webb’s daddy was dead, too.

Webb was a Tallant, from Grandmother’s side of the family; she was his great-aunt. Roanna was only seven, but she knew the intricacies of kinship, having practically absorbed it through her skin during the hours she’d spent listening to the grown-ups talk about family. Grandmother had been a Tallant until she’d married Grandpa and turned into a Davenport. Webb’s grandfather, who had also been named Webb, was Grandmother’s favorite brother. She had loved him a whole lot, just as she had loved his son, who had been Webb’s father. Now there was only Webb, and she loved him a whole lot, too.

Webb was only Roanna’s second cousin, while Jessie was her first cousin, which was a lot closer. Roanna wished it were the other way around, because she would rather be close kin to Webb than to Jessie. Second cousins weren’t much more than kissing cousins, was what Aunt Gloria had said once. The concept had so intrigued Roanna that at the last family reunion she had stare’ and at all her relatives, trying to see who kissed who, so she would know who wasn’t really kin. She had figured out that the people they saw only once a year, at the reunion, were the ones who did the most kissing. That made her feel better. She saw Webb all the time, and he didn’t kiss her, so they were closer than kissing cousins.

"Don’t be ridiculous," Grandmother said now, her voice cutting sharply through the muted arguments over who would be stuck with Roanna, and jerking Roanna’s attention back to her eavesdropping.

"Jessie and Roanna are both Davenports. They’ll live here, of course."

Live at Davencourt! Equal parts of terror and relief displaced the misery in Roanna’s chest. Relief that someone wanted her after all, and she wouldn’t have to go to the Orphans’ Home like Jessie had said she would. The terror came from the prospect of being under Grandmother’s thumb all day, every day. Roanna loved her grandmother, but she was a little afraid of her, too, and she knew she’d never be able to be as perfect as Grandmother expected. She was always getting dirty, or tearing her clothes, or dropping something and breaking it. Food somehow always managed to fall off her fork and into her lap, and sometimes she forgot to pay attention when reaching for her milk, and knocked the glass over. Jessie said she was a clumsy clod.