Shatter

I hated the out-of-control feeling I had around April. Like any second the shit would hit the fan and people would know — Nat, precious Nat, would know. I was turning into someone I hated, but I couldn’t care less about April now. I wanted her pushed out of my brain, out of my psyche, my memories. I couldn’t keep living in fear. Living with absolute drama wasn’t me. I didn’t want any part of that life anymore. Was I selfish for wanting one last time with Nat before I went to the press myself?

Before I threw an innocent woman under the bus?

Before I created such a chasm in my relationship with Demetri that he would never speak to me again?

Before I told the truth to save my own ass?

Nat’s hands went around my neck. She jerked my head down and devoured my mouth. Her tongue was hot as it slid slowly into my mouth. I groaned against her lips and controlled the pressure I gave back, driving myself crazy with need. I wanted her. Now.

“Oh…” a startled voice said from behind us.

Cursing, and pushing Nat behind me, I turned to see April standing on the top stair leading into the house. “I’m sorry, I thought this was the way out of the house. My mistake.” Her eyes gleamed with disapproval as she glanced from me to Nat and then back to me again. Shit, she wasn’t my mom. She had no right.

“Well,” I said gruffly. “Clearly this isn’t an exit.”

April snorted. “Funny, I didn’t think it was a bedroom either.”

“Son of a—”

Nat smacked me in the back and whispered for me to behave. If she had any idea what this woman had done, what I had done, that would be the last thing she would be asking me to do.

“Keys,” April choked out. “Demetri said something about keys.”

“Does this really look like the time?” I snapped.

April stood her ground.

So she was going to be like that. She was going to play the innocent step-mom. Fine. I sighed and relaxed a bit. “We’ll be right there. I’ll give you the keys and you can leave. Sound good?”

“Oh thank you, that would be… lovely.” Her gaze flickered to Nat briefly before shutting the door.

I exhaled a curse.

“Well, that was awkward.” Nat huffed from behind me. “We just got caught having sex by Jaymeson’s mom.” She let out a giggle and went in search for her discarded skirt.

I, however, stood frozen in place. Visions of Jaymeson’s mom dancing through my head, the rose perfume. I suddenly felt sick all over again but knew it was my own damn fault.

“Hey…” Nat handed me my shirt. “You okay? You look sick. You still feeling rotten?”

“No.” I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand and sighed. “Um, I’m just… weirded out that Jaymeson’s mom’s going to be staying at our beach house.”

“Forget about it.” Nat nudged me. “Besides it’s not like we’ll be seeing her. We don’t even stay there.”

“Right.”

“Let’s go. Everyone’s probably looking for us.”

“Not yet.” I jerked her against me and quickly pulled her suit from her body.

Desperation had made me a horrible person. That was the last thing I thought as I took my girlfriend against the wall of the garage.

She gasped at the force of our bodies sliding together. I bit back a curse as I allowed the ecstasy of the moment to wash over me — to numb the guilt and sadness.

“Alec, I—” I covered her mouth with mine as I lifted her into my arms and pushed her against the dirty wall.

“I love you.” And I meant it. Even though we weren’t making love. This wasn’t love. This was sex. Raw sex. I was stealing from her. Stealing innocence and in return giving her a false security. And I hated myself for it, almost as much as I hated myself for needing it. Needing her.

Nat opened her eyes and looked at me. Really looked at me, as I slowly pulled away from her and allowed her to slide down the wall.

Those brown eyes were piercing into my very soul. I couldn’t look away. I knew that guilt was like a blazing red sign across my face.

She swallowed and lifted her hand to cup my face. “Alec, whatever’s going on… you know I’ll always be by your side, right?”

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I nodded then found the words. “Can you promise me that?”

“Alec, you’re acting like the sky’s falling or something. I’m. Right. Here.”

“I know.”

Nat released my face. “But damn if the guy I love isn’t a lifetime away from me.” She smiled sadly. “You ask me to promise you that I’ll never leave, but it feels a lot like you keep trying to say goodbye.”

She quickly adjusted her suit and threw on her clothes. “I’ll see you outside, okay?”

“Be right there.” I choked out. “I’m still a bit…” I shrugged.

Nat licked her lips and kissed my mouth.

“I’ll be outside waiting for you.” Her eyes held the promise of trust, and I felt like with every opportunity I was given, I just said screw it and dug my hole deeper.

After a few minutes, I exited the garage and made my way toward the SUV where I had the spare key to the beach house. I unlocked the car and rummaged around inside the console, before pulling out the set of keys and slamming the door again.

“Hey.”

“Shit.” I jumped back when a feminine hand reached out to touch my shoulder. Why couldn’t everything just disappear? Go back to normal? I held out the key to her, willing her to hurry and take it so I could get back to the barbeque.