Shatter (True Believers #4)(24)
Author: Erin McCarthy

Their stunned silence said more than speaking ever could have.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Guilt was wrapped around my throat like a noose, and sitting across from Lydia only contributed to it. I felt guilty that I still wanted to see her. I felt guilty that I hadn’t told her about Kylie. I felt guilty that Kylie was in the hospital hooked to an IV while I was eating pasta with someone else. There just wasn’t any way not to feel like shit unless I came clean with Lydia and let it be.

It wasn’t a nice restaurant, just a hole-in-wall fake Italian place, and it was appropriately dim, so hopefully if she threw a fork or something at me the other diners wouldn’t notice.

Lydia paused in the middle of gushing about her PhD advisor and I dove in. “So, uh, I got an e-mail from this girl I was involved with.” That was a polite way to put it.

She blinked, her bangs too long, like she had forgotten to trim them. Or brush them. Sometimes I thought Lydia’s face and her body were lost in a sea of dark hair and denim. “Okay.”

“It turns out she’s pregnant and it’s mine.” That wasn’t so hard. I was getting used to the idea and the words came out easily, and maybe even with just a hint of pride. “I thought you should know because I plan to be involved. With the baby. Not the mother.”

There was a pause then she said without hesitation, “Thanks for letting me know. I don’t think we should each other again, then.”

I was a little stunned. She hadn’t even taken thirty seconds to think it over. “Just like that? Why?”

Lydia gave me the look that indicated I was being what women deem an idiot man. “Darwin, the answer is obvious. Why the hell would I want to be involved with a guy who has a baby mama? That is drama I have never sought and frankly, despise. Nor do I have any interest in listening to you talk about your baby. Or worse, be with you when you have the baby. I don’t like kids.”

As long as she was sure about it, damn. She made it sound like I had adopted a boa constrictor. Her voice was laced with disgust.

I tried to explain. “I wouldn’t expect you to be involved in any way. It’s my responsibility.”

“We’ve only been out a few times. I don’t have strong enough feelings for you to risk that.”

It was a good thing my feelings toward her were mostly those of intellectual curiosity, because I decided I didn’t like Lydia. At all. “I see.”

“I also think you’re being naïve if you think that you and the mother can just be friendly without it either turning into you two duking it out in court or being involved with each other emotionally and/or physically.”

Stunned, I just stared at her. “Thanks for your honest opinion. I guess.”

“I’ve offended you.”

“A little.” It was insulting that she didn’t think I was capable of having a respectful friendship with Kylie for the benefit of our child.

“Come on, you know I’m right. We’re not hardwired to raise children in a casually friendly co-parenting arrangement. We’re predisposed to either abandon our offspring or protect them to the death. And if it’s the latter, either mothers do it solo in the animal kingdom or with a mate.”

Why did she have to sound so much like a scientist? It was annoying as hell.

“Except we’re not in the animal kingdom. We’re in the Gaslight district of Cincinnati.” And I was thinking that I couldn’t choke down the rest of my pasta. I gestured for the waiter. “Can I get a to-go box?”

“Are we leaving?” Lydia asked.

“I think so,” I told her. “I don’t see any point in staying.” She had basically called me a delusional idiot. I wasn’t having fun. The chime on my phone dinged on the table and I fought the urge to look at the screen and lost. It was Kylie texting me.

Going home tonight, yay!

I immediately texted back: That’s great! Do you need a ride?

No, Rory and her bf are on it. I’m staying at their place for a few days.

Okay, ttys.

Frowning, I thought maybe I should have offered her a place to stay. She shouldn’t be alone after what had happened and I should have thought of that before her friends had to offer. Fail.

“Baby mama?” Lydia asked.

Busted.

“I told you it’s impossible to stay detached,” she said, smugly. “Your expression is very revealing.”

“Are you a psychology or a physics PhD?” I asked, now thoroughly annoyed. “You can’t ‘read’ my face.” Yeah, I was seriously annoyed when I started using f**king air quotes.

Lydia just rolled her eyes. “Here’s a little advice. Just dive in, Darwin, and try to make it work. The sooner you do, the sooner it will crash and burn, and you can get back to what matters—your research.”

Why in the hell had I ever thought I liked her? Talk about misjudging someone. Throwing enough money down on the table to cover the whole bill, I stood up. “I say you put that on a greeting card, Lydia. Forget physics. You’re a natural born romantic.”

“You don’t want to hear my opinions on romance.”

“You’re right. I don’t, actually.”

I had never considered myself a romantic but I liked to think I wasn’t cold-hearted either. There were certain emotions that, while they could technically be explained by science, were too intimate to force into a formula.

It didn’t require or benefit from dissection.

Romance was one of those.

* * *

By the time I got to the top of the stairs and into Rory’s, I was exhausted and gasping for breath. “Oh my God, it’s like I’m ninety. This blows.”

“You’re malnourished. Once you start eating solids again, you’ll have more energy.”

In the hospital I had stuck to Jell-O, Popsicles, and crackers. They were the only things that didn’t make me sick. I had a list of suggested bland foods in my purse from the discharge papers, but right now all I wanted to do was collapse on the couch.

“It’s bizarre how pregnancy kicks some women’s asses,” Tyler commented as he opened the door.

The steep flight of stairs to the living room mocked me.

“Damn it, I still have one more flight of stairs to go. Let me sit down a minute.” I sat down on the first step and took a deep breath. I did feel so much better than I had when Jonathon had found me in my apartment. But that didn’t mean I felt great.

“I’m not used to seeing you like this,” Tyler mused. “I never thought I’d say this, but I miss your motormouth.”