Shatter (True Believers #4)(5)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“Do you have a roommate?” he asked.

“No, it’s just a studio. I moved here in September after classes started, so I had to take what I could get and this was it. But I couldn’t live in an apartment with Robin after what happened, so this was the best solution.” I unlocked the door and shoved it open. Flicking on the light, I felt depressed all over again looking at the glum. “It has terrible lighting.”

He wandered in to the small room and bent over to inspect my two lamps. “You only have twenty-five watts in here. You could get brighter bulbs.”

“Oh.” Of course I could. But that had never once occurred to me. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to be logical. “Yeah, I guess I could do that.”

He dropped down onto my bed, which also acted as my couch, because I had no furniture and no space. “It takes a while to settle into a new place.”

“I never wanted to be here. So it’s hard to care.” Setting my backpack on the floor, I sat next to him, crossing my legs and tucking my feet under them. “Do you have a roommate?”

“Yeah. My friend Devon. I’d rather live alone, honestly, but I can’t afford it.”

“And I would rather live with people. I’m social.” My phone buzzed in my pocket.

I wasn’t going to look at it. I didn’t want to look at it. It could be nothing. It could be Jessica or Rory or my mother. But compulsion drove me to pull it out and check. I was sorry I did. A pit formed in my stomach as I read the text from Nathan.

This wouldn’t have happened if you had stayed here this summer like I asked you to. We would still be together and happy.

My lip curled. So it was my fault that he had f**ked my friend? Because I wasn’t around for a few weeks?

“Why don’t you block him?” Darwin asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I keep wanting and waiting for a better apology.”

“I don’t think there’s a better apology for what he did. I don’t think he can ever really give you a good enough reason for why he had sex with your best friend.”

I nodded. “You’re right.” I knew it. “I also know it’s not my fault, but I can’t help but feel like if only I’d done something different . . .”

He held his hand up, palm out. “Stop right there. There is no way that you could have done anything different so that it would have prevented this. If a guy is willing to cross that line, you could be perfect and it still wouldn’t matter. Don’t put yourself through that.”

The tears started again. I nodded, my lips trembling.

“It’s not your fault he’s selfish, stupid, immoral, and an ass**le.”

“Well, I don’t know if he’s stupid.” I could concede the rest, but for some ridiculous reason I felt the need to defend Nathan, even just a little.

“He got caught, didn’t he? That makes him stupid. Besides, any guy who would waste his time hooking up with a chick when he has you is an idiot.”

I smiled. “Thanks. Even if you are just saying that.”

But he shook his head as he peeled off his jacket. “I’m not just saying that. You’re beautiful, Kylie, and more than that, you’re sweet.”

I did like to think that I was nice. “I try to be a decent person. But it seems like that’s worked against me.”

“Don’t let one guy’s dickheadedness change who you are. Don’t let him ruin you. You’re attractive just the way you are.”

Confused, I wasn’t sure what to say. I knew he was just being nice, and I hated that it even mattered to me what anyone’s opinion was, but I felt needy. It had me seeking validation in a way I hadn’t since probably middle school. “You think I’m attractive?”

It was an embarrassing thing to ask. I wanted to choke myself for letting it slip out.

Darwin nodded, though. “I find you very attractive. So attractive that I have to admit to being distracted the whole time I was tutoring you.”

A shiver inched up my spine. “You were not.” He hadn’t looked at all like he’d been undressing me with his eyes. But then again, maybe nerds were smart enough to hide it, unlike the douche bags I usually hung out with.

“Oh yes, I was.” He was leaning against the wall, hands resting on his knees, and his expression was hooded. “I can tell you that you wear two necklaces—one is a cross, one is a heart with a ruby in the center. You have on a braided bracelet and if I had to guess, you are a 34C bra size. You have a tiny mole on your neck, you’re really fond of lip gloss, you always twirl your hair with your left hand, never your right, and you are a natural blonde.”

Oh, my. A blush covered my face and it was partly from embarrassment and partly from a sudden arousal that caught me completely off guard. “How do you know I’m a natural blonde?”

“You don’t have any exposed roots and your eyebrows are the same tone as your hair.”

Were all intelligent people this observant? Rory was the same way. Though Rory had never nailed my bra size. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Is that creepy?” he asked. “I only told you to illustrate my point that I find you attractive.”

“It’s not creepy. It’s flattering.” It was. And he was very sweet to massage my damaged ego.

“Good. I want you to remember that, whenever you start to doubt that you had anything to do with Dickhead cheating on you. It was his problem, not yours.”

I felt like I should I give him a fee for the therapy. “Thanks, Darwin. I find you attractive, too.”

He gave me a smile, the corner of his lip turning up in a way that made me focus on his mouth, made me wonder what it would feel like to have it on mine. I kind of really wanted him to kiss me, just to see.

“Now you’re just flattering me.”

“No.” I shook my head, feeling myself leaning closer toward him, without even intending to. “The first thing I noticed when I sat down next to you was how good you smell.”

His nostrils flared a little. “How I smell?”

“Yes. You smell masculine.”

“That’s evolution,” he told me. “A female instinctively responds to the scent of a male and she is subconsciously drawn to the specimen she thinks will ensure her progeny’s survival.”

Whatever. “I think it was more that you don’t smell like sweat or cologne.”

“It’s still the chemistry of attraction.”