Shatter (True Believers #4)(55)
Author: Erin McCarthy

I did.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Jonathon is harassing me to go on birth control,” I told Jessica as she fiddled with giving me false bangs as practice for school.

“This doesn’t look right,” she said, frowning at me.

“Did you hear me?” This was becoming like the biggest obstacle in an otherwise perfect relationship. Jonathon pretty much wouldn’t walk into a private room with me without wearing a condom. I was starting to suspect he wore a condom when we went to the coffee shop to study, and it seemed to be getting worse not better as the weeks went by.

“Yes, I heard you. But I mean, I kind of see his point. It’s not like condoms worked out so great for you guys.” She yanked the fringe out, clearly discontent with it.

“Ow. That hurt.”

“Sorry. So why don’t you go on the pill? I’m on it. Rory is on it. Even Robin is on it, and she’s like homeopathic and vegan and like whatever else you can be now that is hippie-ish. The modern version of the pill is supposed to be perfectly safe to take for years and years.”

“I’ll never remember to take it every day. You know this about me. Condoms are actually safer.”

“Then tell Jonathon that.”

“I did. He told me to set an alarm on my phone and we’ll use condoms as a backup plan.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Why are you taking his side?” I pushed my chair back, annoyed with her hands in my face. We were in her kitchen, the chili that was their dinner simmering on the stove.

“I’m not taking sides. But if I was forced to, I would always be on your side. However, I don’t see anything wrong with being extra cautious.” She folded her arms over her chest and reread the directions on her tablet screen. “I’m going to be a beauty school dropout.”

“So you think I should go on the pill?”

Riley walked into the kitchen right then, headed for the fridge. He heard my words, froze, then promptly turned around and tried to leave without getting whatever it was he had come in the room for.

“Hey! Riley!” I wanted someone to validate I wasn’t being unreasonable. “Don’t you think it’s my decision whether or not I go on the pill?”

“Yes,” he said so quickly I wondered if he had even really heard the question.

“Do you think Jonathon should have a say in it?”

“Yes. Can I have a beer now?”

Jessica laughed when I made a face. “You asked him.” She turned to her boyfriend. “Yes, you can have a beer.”

“Why should he have a say in it?” I pushed.

“Because if you get pregnant, it’s fifty-fifty his responsibility. So even though the pill is going in your body, he should at least be entitled to say he would prefer that you use a more reliable source of birth control.” Riley got his beer. “Now don’t throw that wig thing at me. I’m just being honest from a guy’s perspective. Condoms can cramp our style. Not because they’re messy and whatever else, but because you always worry that something will go horribly wrong from a hole to a slip. And there’s nothing sexy about that.”

“Wig thing?” Jessica asked him. “But otherwise, I totally agree with you.”

I wasn’t entirely sure why I was so resistant to the idea of going on the pill. I just knew I didn’t want to. Part of me wondered if it made me feel immature to have Jonathon suggesting what I do and even giving me helpful hints on how to be successful at it, like using my phone as an alarm. Part of me also wondered if I actually wanted to get pregnant again. That couldn’t be, though. Who would be insane enough to want that, right?

Clearly not Jonathon.

Which was most likely the root of the whole issue for me. He was so clearly terrified of another accidental pregnancy that it made me oddly sad. It made me wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t miscarried. It was an absolutely pointless line of thinking, but for some reason I couldn’t seem to stop it. I was preoccupied with thoughts of Jonathon finding someone smarter than me who had an IUD and didn’t want children until she was thirty-five. Someone nothing like me.

I wasn’t even sure why I had those insecurities. It wasn’t like he wasn’t saying and doing to the right things. It had been three weeks since Valentine’s Day and he was awesome, a wonderful boyfriend. I didn’t see him as much as I would have liked, but he had classes and a job and tutoring and lab time. Real stuff. But he always managed to text and call and see me whenever he could. But he was just so mature. He was applying for real jobs and had even gone on an interview with a plastics company for a chemist position. It made me feel immature and more than a little bit like a loser. I was barely passing the semester and he was being called for interviews for jobs with salaries that made my head spin.

Part of me also wondered if maybe, instead of college, my calling was to be a mother.

I found myself fantasizing as I walked past those baby gym classes and I knew that was bad. Really bad. Nothing I could share with Jonathon or he would take off so fast he would make a running vampire look like a slowpoke.

Sighing, I put my head in my hand and rested my elbow on the table. “You’re probably both right.”

“Look, I would shit myself if Jessica got pregnant and I’m the same age as Jonathon. The fact that he didn’t bolt tells you he’s a good guy. Throw him a bone, ease his anxiety for him, you know?”

“Are you saying you would bolt if I got pregnant?” Jessica asked, the corner of her mouth turning up in amusement as she refastened the bangs to my hair.

“No, I’m saying I would shit myself. That is hard-core responsibility.”

Said the guy who had been taking care of his brothers and a house and mortgage for years. It was weird what people considered their capacity.

“Okay. Thanks, Riley.” I looked in the mirror at Jessica’s second attempt. “I look like a drunk Christina Aguilera.”

“Nothing wrong with that. I bet she’s fun to party with.”

“I have a bigger problem.”

Riley was in the middle of lifting the lid on the chili to sniff it, but he paused. “Crap. Why do I have a feeling this is going to be even more awkward? Can you just let me leave right now?”

“No. I’m pretty sure Jonathon’s father hit on me and I don’t know what to do about it.” Talk about awkward.

“Oh, shit, for real?” Riley looked horrified, and then immediately pissed. “You tell Jonathon, that’s what you do. Christ, Kylie. That is so not cool.”