Shopaholic Ties the Knot
“Give me those invitations,” I manage to gasp. “I’m the bride. Becky Bloomwood.”
“Here you are!” says Judith. “A few already went in. But you know, no one said anything to me about not mailing them,” she adds defensively.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“If Robyn hadn’t called when she did… they would’ve been gone. All of them!”
“I… I appreciate that.”
I flip through the thick taupe envelopes, feeling slightly shaky as I see all the names on Mum’s list, beautifully written out in Gothic script.
“So are you going to mail them?”
“Of course I am.” Suddenly I realize Judith’s waiting for me to do it. “But I don’t want to be watched,” I add quickly. “It’s a very private matter. I have to… say a poem and kiss each one…”
“Fine,” says Judith, rolling her eyes. “Whatever.”
She walks off toward the corner, and I stand as still as a rock until she’s vanished from sight. Then, clutching the pile of invitations to my chest, I hurry to the corner, raise my hand, and hail a cab to take me home.
Luke is still out when I arrive, and the apartment is as dim and silent as it was when I left it. My suitcase is open on the floor — and as I walk in I can see inside it the pile of invitations to the Oxshott wedding that Mum gave me to pass on to Elinor.
I pick up the second pile of invitations and look from one to the other. One pile of white envelopes. One pile of taupe envelopes. Two weddings. On the same day. In less than six weeks.
If I do one, Mum will never speak to me again.
If I do the other, I get sued for $100,000.
OK, just… keep calm. Think logically. There has to be a way out of this. There has to be. As long as I keep my head and don’t get into a—
Suddenly I hear the sound of the front door opening. “Becky?” comes Luke’s voice. “Is that you?”
Fuck.
In a complete panic, I open the cocktail cabinet, shove both lots of invitations inside, slam the door, and whip round breathlessly just as Luke comes in.
“Sweetheart!” His whole face lights up and he throws his briefcase down. “You’re back! I missed you.” He gives me a huge hug — then draws back and looks anxiously at me. “Becky? Is everything all right?”
“I’m fine!” I say brightly. “Honestly, everything’s great! I’m just tired.”
“You look wiped out. I’ll make some tea, and you can tell me all about Suze.”
He goes out of the room and I collapse weakly on the sofa.
What the hell am I going to do now?
THE PINES
43 Elton Road
Oxshott
Surrey
FAX MESSAGE
TO BECKY BLOOMWOOD
FROM MUM
20 May 2002
Becky, love, I don’t want to worry you. But it looks like that deranged woman you were telling us about has gone one step further and actually printed invitations! Auntie Irene phoned up today and told us she’d got some peculiar invitation through the post, for the Plaza Hotel, just like you said. Apparently it was all bronze and beige, very odd and not like a proper wedding invitation at all!
The best thing is to ignore these people, so I told her to put it straight in the bin and not worry about it. And you must do the same, darling. But I just thought I should let you know.
Much love and talk soon,
Mum xxxxxxxxx
FINERMAN WALLSTEIN
Attorneys at Law
Finerman House
1398 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10105
Miss Rebecca Bloomwood
251 W. 11th Street, Apt. B
New York, NY 10014
May 21, 2002 April 3rd Receiving instructions to redraft your will $150
April 6th Receiving further instructions to redraft your will $150
Aprill 11th Receiving instructions for further amendments to your will $150
April 17th Receiving further instructions to redraft your will $150
April 19th Receiving instructions for further amendments to your will $150
April 24th Receiving further instructions to redraft your will $150
April 30th Receiving instructions for further amendments to your will $150
Total $1,050
INVOICE no. 10956
With thanks
Fifteen
OK. THE REALLY vital thing is to keep a sense of proportion. I mean, let’s face it, every wedding has the odd glitch. You can’t expect the whole process to go smoothly. I’ve just bought a new book, called The Realistic Bride, which I’m finding very comforting at the moment. It has a huge chapter all about wedding hitches, and it says: “No matter how insurmountable the problem seems, there will always be a solution! So don’t worry!”