Slow Ride (Fast Track #5)(38)
Author: Erin McCarthy

Tuesday didn’t know what to say to Kendall, who was tearing up and cuddling with a throw pillow. “I think it’s totally normal to have conflicting feelings. This was a really stressful thing to go through. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“But I feel so guilty. I mean, I was hoping all along that this baby wasn’t Evan’s.”

“I think any woman in your position would have felt the same way. I mean come on, you just get married and like two seconds later some chick he slept with announces she’s pregnant?” Tuesday was pretty sure she would have been chomping at the bit for paternity testing to be done even before the baby’s birth.

“You’re the one who told me that I was being stupid for shutting Evan out.”

Now who felt guilty? Tuesday folded her feet under her thighs as she sat on the easy chair across from Kendall. They didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time hanging out given Kendall’s busy schedule, but her best friend was headed to the airport for this weekend’s race, and had asked to stop by on her way. Tuesday was happy to be an ear for her, even though she couldn’t really do anything to help Kendall. She needed to work through her emotions on her own, unfortunately, but Tuesday could listen and be supportive.

“Kendall, that was two different things, and I was in a bad place. I’d just found out my dad was dying.” And she had taken it out on Kendall, yelling at her for breaking things off with her new husband when she’d found out about Sara’s baby. At the time, all Tuesday had been able to think was that life was clearly too damn short and no one should give up someone they love so easily. But she hadn’t handled it in the best way possible. “I’m sorry for the way I just yelled at you. That wasn’t what you needed.”

“I think it was exactly what I needed. I needed you to remind me that I had lost Evan once, and did I really want to do that again? So we wound up together, thank God, and it’s been amazing. But knowing that he was possibly going to have a child, well, that was hard to deal with, I’m not gonna lie. I think every woman wants to be the first to give her husband a child. I was jealous. And unsure what my role would be in the baby’s life.”

“All totally understandable.”

“But now, I just feel bad that it’s not Evan’s baby. Like I willed it that way.”

“Well, you didn’t. It’s not Evan’s baby because she slept with two guys around the same time. Which happens sometimes. Is he disappointed?” Personally, Tuesday figured he’d just have to get the hell over it. In the long run, this was going to be better for everyone involved.

“Yeah, he is, though he’s not saying much. But I think a part of him had gotten really excited about being a father and now it’s gone.”

“Well, it’s not like the two of you can’t have kids.”

Kendall shrugged. “I know. But not now, not while my career is just taking off. I’m a little disappointed, too, in some small way. I was having baby fantasies, which is so stupid. There would have been nothing simple about that parenting arrangement.”

“No. Especially since Sara got married herself in the meantime.” Again, probably the best-case scenario for everyone involved. “Her husband isn’t the father either, so talk about an emotional and legal mess for all four of you. Not to mention what the kid would have felt like when she got older.”

Swiping at her eyes, Kendall nodded vehemently. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. This way Sara has no ties with the true biological father, who apparently signed away all rights months ago when she contacted him, and her baby has a stable home life with two parents, no joint custody or anything like that.”

“You still have your nieces and nephews if you want to get your mommy fix in.” Tuesday personally wasn’t ready for motherhood and was pretty sure she would lay an egg if she found out she was expecting a baby. She liked kids, just when they belonged to other people. Which means going without a condom with Diesel had been stupid. She had learned long ago from other people that it was always better to be safe than sorry, which meant doubling up on the birth control. Sperm were tricky, and she planned to have a lot of sex with Diesel.

“Yeah. I know. All’s well that ends well, I guess. After four months of emotional ups and downs, it’s done.” Kendall tossed the pillow back onto the couch. “So how are you?”

“I’m fine.” Tuesday thought she actually was, most of the time. She was coping by not really coping. Ignoring would work for the time being and she figured she wasn’t the first person to have dealt with a loss that way. Plus she was going out with Diesel again, so she was actually looking forward to that. “Thanks for letting me run that little blurb about the baby. It would have looked odd if I hadn’t, but I appreciate you giving me the go-ahead.”

Kendall messed with her ponytail, trying to shove some blond strands that had escaped back into it. “That’s exactly it. It would have looked weird. And what you wrote was kind, so I should be thanking you. A lot of other journalists would have trashed Evan. And me, for that matter.”

“Evan handled it the right way. I was just telling it like it is.”

“By the way, I saw you didn’t hold back on Ryder and Suzanne’s choice of baby names.”

Tuesday rolled her eyes. She was not going to feel bad for that one. “Well, come on. I really like both of them as people, you know that, and Suzanne and I had a little chat and came to an understanding after I commented on Ryder’s love life way back when. I consider her a friend. But they just left the door wide open.”

Kendall made a face. “God, I hate to admit it, but they really did. But knowing Suzanne, it was probably intentional irony. A big middle finger to the world. Truthfully, I think it’s a cute name.”

“It would be if his father wasn’t a stock car driver.” She knew what she was talking about here. “Trust me, it sucks to have an odd name. I spent my whole childhood being mocked for being named after a weekday.”

“Kids are going to pick on other kids no matter what. You’re dating a man named Diesel, which I have to say is worse than Track.”

Tuesday bristled, tugging her shorts down from where they had hiked up into her crotch. It was not worse. Diesel was a cute name. “That’s a nickname! His real name is Daniel. And for the record, we’re not dating. We’re seeing each other.”