Slowly We Trust (Fall and Rise #3)(3)
Author: Chelsea M. Cameron

2

“I don’t understand,” Lottie said, pacing her room. I sat on her bed next to Trish and Katie. We’d taken our party hats off, but each of us still had confetti in our hair and little bits of it kept falling off Lottie as she walked back and forth.

Her room was just as I’d pictured: cluttered and full of books. Well, at least on her side. Poor Lottie and Will had to share a room, but at least it was big enough that they could each have their own space and there was a curtain to separate her half.

I’d asked her to pull the curtain so I couldn’t see Will’s half. I didn’t want to see his clothes scattered all over the floor and his sheets on the bed and posters of his favorite shows and movies on the wall. I didn’t want to be confronted with him right now. But in this house, escaping him was somewhat impossible.

“I just don’t get it. Clearly, you love him and clearly, he loves you. So what’s the problem?” She seemed to forget that when she had completely fallen for Zan, she had to overcome several huge obstacles in order to move forward with him. Same with Katie and Stryker. But my situation was different. They just didn’t know why.

I considered all of them my friends, but I just couldn’t seem to tell them everything. I’d tried, so many times. Especially with Lottie. She was so easy to talk to. Like her brother. I’d found myself telling her details of my life I’d never shared with anyone. An open book I was not, and I’d been comfortable with that for years.

“I just . . . I couldn’t say it back,” I said, which was the best explanation I could give without saying more.

“So you don’t love him?” Katie said, hugging one of Lottie’s pillows.

“I . . .” It had grown harder and harder to lie to them, to these girls who had somehow become my friends, despite me trying to push them away. We’d been through a lot, the kind of things that bonded you like nothing else could. In only a few short months, I’d become closer with them than I’d ever been with any human beings before. Not my parents, not my brother or my sister, not anyone in my family. But my distance from my family was somewhat self-inflicted.

They’d given up on me, but Lottie, Katie and Trish hadn’t. Yet.

“Look, we don’t have to talk about it,” Katie said. She’d worn a pink dress, of course, and it exactly matched the new pink streaks in her hair. She’d lost her father and she was doing so well. I couldn’t imagine even being able to get out of bed in her situation, but she had a great support system. She was close with her sister, and then there was Stryker, who had stepped up and been her one-man support team. He’d brought all of us together to go and be there for her at the funeral. I was in awe of their relationship.

Something made me wonder, if Will and I had been in the same position, if he would have done that for me. I shook my head, and tried to clear it of thoughts of him.

I shouldn’t have come tonight, but I didn’t have any reason to say no, and I hadn’t been 100 percent sure that Will would tell me that he loved me.

There was a knock at the door, and then Will’s voice made my heart twist painfully.

“Can I talk to Audrey, please?” Everyone looked at me and I nodded.

Lottie unlocked the door and let him in.

“Alone, Lot,” he said when she didn’t move, but Katie and Trish exited after giving me worried looks.

“Okay, but don’t do anything to make her upset. That’s all I’m asking,” Lottie said, touching Will on the shoulder. He might have been her brother and she would fight to the death for him, but she was also my friend.

Will closed the door behind Lottie and leaned his forehead on it, not turning around to look at me.

“I knew I shouldn’t have said it. That was so stupid. I’m so sorry, Aud.” The sound of his nickname for me made it even worse. I wished, in that moment, that a sinkhole would open up under me and suck me away so I wouldn’t have to keep hurting him.

“Will, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’m so sorry.” My voice made him turn around. His eyes were red, but he wasn’t actually crying. The pain evident in them went right to my heart, a dagger sunk up to the hilt.

“You’re really going to do the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech? Are you serious right now?” He ripped his hands through his hair, which loosed some of the confetti that had gotten caught. He was going to be finding it a week from now.

I had no response to his anger.

“I’m so sorry.” He shook his head and yanked the curtain back before sitting down next to me. I should have moved away, but I couldn’t.

“Are you just realizing this, or have you known all along that you didn’t want to be with me?” I would have to choose my words carefully, so I didn’t give him the wrong idea. Before he’d shared his feelings, I could pretend that this wasn’t anything serious. We were just going out and having fun and flirting and kissing. Nothing more. I thought I’d kept my distance enough that Will wouldn’t feel that way about me—that he couldn’t—but I’d underestimated Will Anders, and it wasn’t the first time.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. I do. But I can’t . . . I can’t do the relationship thing.” That was the best way to put it so he would understand.

He looked down at his hands.

“Then what have we been doing up until now?” He turned his head and I had to look away from his eyes.

“We’d never declared that we were together, so I just thought we were . . . dating, for lack of a better term. You can date without it being serious.” Whenever anyone had asked if we were together, Will had sensed that I was uncomfortable with the topic and he’d changed the subject. If he did ask about it, I always put him off. I couldn’t do that anymore. It was time to define what we were, or what we were going to be.

“I know about dating, Aud. I’ve dated girls before. I’ve hooked up with girls before. But you’re . . . you. You’re different. I thought this was different. I was with another girl for almost two years and I didn’t feel this way, or share things with her like I do with you. I’m sorry if what I said scared you, but I wanted you to know I was committed to this, to making this work . . .” I stopped him from talking with a kiss. He and Lottie both had a tendency to ramble and I couldn’t listen to him trying to explain himself anymore.