Small Favor

"Weregoats?" Bob suggested. He flipped another page and kept reading. Bob is a spirit of intellect, and he multitasks better than, well, pretty much anybody. "Or maybe goatweres."

I stopped for a moment and gave the skull an exasperated look. "I can’t believe I just heard that word."

"What?" Bob asked brightly. "Weregoats?"

"Weregoats. I’m fairly sure I could have led a perfectly rich and satisfying life even if I hadn’t heard that word or enjoyed the mental images it conjures."

Bob chortled. "Stars and stones, you’re easy, Harry."

"Weregoats," I muttered, and went back to reading. After finishing the fifth book, I went back for another armload. Bob shouted at his book, cheering during what were apparently the love scenes and heckling most of the rest, as if the characters had all been live performers on a stage.

Which would probably tell me something important about Bob, if I were an astute sort of person. After all, Bob himself was, essentially, a spiritual creature created from the energy of thought. The characters within a book were, from a certain point of view, identical on some fundamental level-there weren’t any images of them, no physical tangibility whatsoever. They were pictures in the reader’s head, constructs of imagination and ideas, given shape by the writer’s work and skill and the reader’s imagination. Parents, of a sort.

Did Bob, as he read his books and imagined their events, regard those constructed beings as…siblings, of some sort? Peers? Children? Could a being like Bob develop some kind of acquired taste for a family? It was entirely possible. It might explain his constant fascination with fictional subject matter dealing with the origins of a mortal family.

Then again, he might regard the characters in the same way some men do those inflatable sex dolls. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know.

Good thing I’m not astute.

I found our attackers on the eighth book, about halfway through, complete with notes and sketches.

"Holy crap," I muttered, sitting up straight.

"Find ’em?" Bob asked.

"Yeah," I said, and held up the book so he could see the sketch. It was a better match for our goatish attackers than most police sketches of perpetrators. "If the book is right, I just got jumped by gruffs."

Bob’s romance novel dropped to the surface of the shelf. He made a choking sound. "Um. Did you say gruffs?"

I scowled at him and he began to giggle. The skull rattled against the shelf.

"Gruffs?" He tittered.

"What?" I said, offended.

"As in ‘The Three Billy Goats Gruff ‘?" The skull howled with laughter. "You just got your ass handed to you by a nursery tale?"

"I wouldn’t say they handed me my ass," I said.

Bob was nearly strangling on his laughter, and given that he had no lungs it seemed gratuitous somehow. "That’s because you can’t see yourself," he choked out. "Your nose is all swollen up and you’ve got two black eyes. You look like a raccoon. Holding a dislocated ass."

"You didn’t see these things in action," I said. "They were strong, and pretty smart. And there were four of them."

"Just like the Four Horsemen!" he said. "Only with petting zoos!"

I scowled some more. "Fine, fine," I said. "I’m glad I can amuse you."

"Oh, absolutely," Bob said, his voice bubbling with mirth. "’Help me, help me! It’s the Billy Goats Gruff!’"

I glared. "You’re missing the point, Bob."

"It can’t be as funny as what has come through," he said. "I’ll bet every Sidhe in Winter is giggling about it."

"Bet they’re not," I said. "That’s the point. The gruffs work for Summer. They’re some of Queen Titania’s enforcers."

Bob’s laughter died abruptly. "Oh."

I nodded. "After that business at Arctis Tor, I could understand if someone from Winter had come after me. I never figured to do this kind of business with Summer."

"Well," Bob pointed out, "you did kind of give Queen Titania’s daughter the death of a thousand cuts."

I grunted. "Yeah. But why send hitters now? She could have done it years ago."

"That’s faeries for you," Bob said. "Logic isn’t exactly their strong suit."

I grunted. "Life should be so simple." I thumped my finger on the book, thinking. "There’s more to this. I’m sure of it."

"How high are they in the Summer hierarchy?" Bob asked.

"They’re up there," I said. "As a group, anyway. They’ve got a reputation for killing trolls. Probably where the nursery tale comes from."

"Troll killers," Bob said. "Trolls. Like Mab’s personal guard, whose pieces you found scattered all over Arctis Tor?"

"Exactly," I said. "But what I did there ticked off Winter, not Summer."

"I’ve always admired your ability to be unilaterally irritating."

I shook my head. "No. I must have done something there that hurt Summer somehow." I frowned. "Or helped Winter. Bob, do you know-"

The phone started ringing. I had run a long extension cord from the outlet in my bedroom down to the lab, after Molly had nearly broken her neck rushing up the stepladder to answer a call. The old windup clock on one shelf told me that it was after midnight. Nobody calls me that late unless it’s something bad.

"Hold that thought," I told Bob.

"It’s me," Murphy said when I answered. "I need you."

"Why, Sergeant, I’m touched," I said. "You’ve admitted the truth at last. Cue sweeping romantic theme music."

"I’m serious," she said. Something in her voice sounded tired, strained.

"Where?" I asked her.

She gave me the address and we hung up.

I barely ever got work from Chicago PD anymore, and between that and my frequent trips to other cities as part of my duties as a Warden, I hadn’t been making diddly as an investigator. My stipend as a Warden of the White Council kept me from bankruptcy, but my bank account had bled slowly down to the point where I had to be really careful to avoid bouncing checks.

I needed the work.

"That was Murphy," I said, "making a duty call."

"This late at night, what else could it be?" Bob agreed. "Watch your back extra careful, boss."

"Why do you say that?" I said, shrugging into my coat.

"I don’t know if you’re up on your nursery tales," Bob said, "but if you’ll remember, the Billy Goats Gruff had a whole succession of brothers."