Solitary Man(27)
Author: Carly Phillips

“I did some research into my insurance policy through work.”

“And?”

“Much as I’d love to cover you, there’s no way your pregnancy wouldn’t be considered preexisting.

She’d known that already. “Besides, even if they would cover the pregnancy, we’d have to be married in order for coverage to kick in.” She glanced down and kicked at a rock on the grass. Better than facing Kevin when mentioning marriage and commitment.

“I know.”

“You do.”

He met and held her gaze. “Yes.”

Her breath caught as his words sunk in. “You considered marrying me?”

“I still am.” If she weren’t already sitting down, she might have passed out.

She cautioned herself to be calm. And not to read too much into mere words. “Why? Because it’s the right thing to do?”

“Hell, yeah it’s the right thing to do. And if Tony…

“If Tony were alive he’d follow you to the church with a shotgun,” she finished for him. “But he’s not. And not everyone who gets pregnant gets married.”

“No, but the smart ones do. Or at least they consider it.”

Remain rational, remain calm, Nikki cautioned herself. He didn’t know it, but he was handing her the solution she sought. A way to solidify things between them and create a future.

He was going out of his way to do right by her and the baby. So what if she’d rather him profess his undying love and tell her he couldn’t live without her. Those were girlish daydreams. And she had envisioned marrying Kevin and the reason had nothing to do with an unexpected pregnancy and everything to do with love. If she waited for that to happen, she’d be old and gray first. But if she let him make the decision to commit—and then went backward to build up on that, they might have a chance.

She swallowed hard. “Okay, tell me why marriage would be a benefit?” she said.

He shot her a startled glance. Obviously he expected more of an argument. She was shocking herself, too.

“I can cover the baby without marriage, but he’d still have the stigma of illegitimacy. And I want my… our baby to have my name. To know who his father is, and know he can count on me.”

“He?” Nikki couldn’t help but chime in.

Kevin grinned. “As soon as he or she is born.”

Logically, she wanted the same things for their child. But marrying Kevin… tying herself to him for better for worse… forever… she wasn’t ready.

“I need time to think,” she murmured. She wanted—needed—personal time to digest the concept and the changes that would inevitably follow should she say yes.

“I realize that. But Nikki…” Reaching out, he grasped her chin in his hand and turned her head to face him. “Just know I trust you to make the right decision. For all of us.”

He trusted her judgment. A huge concession for a man who feared ceding control. Who feared the consequences if he backed off. “Thank you.”

He nodded.

As sure as the breeze blew around her, Nikki knew Kevin’s proposal was motivated by devotion to his child. Although she found comfort in his sense of responsibility, she also found pain. Because she’d inadvertently trapped him, and in so doing, she’d found herself someone’s responsibility yet again.

But she hadn’t yet found someone who loved her.

NINE

Kevin kicked back in his office and stared at his messages. A couple of offers for freelance security jobs thanks to Patrick O’Neill, a friend on the force, who routinely recommended him for work. Other than Tony, Pat was the only other guy Kevin trusted in a pinch. He was the only person other than his father Kevin had let know the moment he hit town again a few months ago.

He glanced at the messages, knowing he’d call these people back. A job was a job. Something to pay the bills. Who was he kidding? Nothing could compete with his previous occupation. He’d loved being a cop. It was in his blood. But Tony’s death had changed everything. In the instant he’d seen his partner lying on the ground, Kevin realized he had no business playing backup to anyone. So no matter how much he missed active police work, he was better off consulting on security systems and guarding a warehouse as opposed to a living, breathing human being.

Whether he was fulfilled or not didn’t matter.

He had two people relying on him now. Nikki and, soon, his child. That was enough responsibility.

His father had failed at the same responsibility—but Kevin didn’t plan to repeat his father’s mistakes.

The old man had been quiet since the incident with the neighbor’s dog. Too quiet, considering Kevin had threatened to stop paying his rent unless Max became steadily employed again. He often wondered if a quiet Max meant more trouble than a rowdy one.

After booking appointments, he stored the phone numbers and tossed the messages in the trash. With no other business matters to occupy his mind, his thoughts turned to Nikki.

And to his proposal. A marriage of necessity. One made in the best interests of both Nikki and his child. But it would still be a legal union with a woman who drew him in like no other. Who tempted his resolve and tested him at every turn. Who deserved so much better than what life had thrown her way. Including him.

* * *

Now that she was allowed back on her feet, Nikki made productive use of her time. She’d spent the morning at the local library, looking into alcoholism and ways to deal with the family of alcoholics— since she was about to become part of one. And she’d put in a call to her career guidance counselor at school to discuss options, and ways for her to finish her student teaching. He promised to do some research and get back to her.

Hours later, feeling good, she walked around Kevin’s place, determined to make it a real home. Mrs. Reid kept the house clean, but domestic touches were missing. It didn’t take money to convey warmth and personality, to make an empty, rambling house a place Kevin would want to return to each night.

After digging through her personal things, she added special touches she was sure Kevin had never thought of. Ones she hoped he would notice and appreciate. Flowers were next on the agenda. She’d noticed some beautiful azaleas out back. The outside of the house was a place she’d love to cultivate, but not until the pregnancy was over and strenuous activity was allowed. In the meantime, she decided to work from the inside out.

A sense of boredom? A need for fulfillment? A nesting urge born of the hormonal rush during pregnancy? Nikki shook her head and laughed. Why not call it what it was. Anything to keep busy and to avoid thinking about Kevin’s proposal.