Song of the Fireflies(44)
Author: J.A. Redmerski

Andrew released Camryn carefully, whirled around, and punched Tate again.

“Please, Andrew!” Camryn shouted.

I grabbed Andrew and Caleb grabbed Tate and we held them off of each other.

Finally, Andrew relented and shook me off. He helped Camryn to her feet. “Let’s go,” he said.

They grabbed their guitar and blanket and headed straight for their car.

“Come on, Bray,” I said, taking her hand. “If we have to, we’ll walk.”

She locked her fingers with mine and we set out in the same direction. I grabbed my shirt from the sand, and Bray grabbed her flip-flops as we walked toward them. Andrew was putting their stuff in the trunk as we approached. He went over to his side of the car, laid his arms across the roof and then dropped his head in between them.

“God damn it!” he shouted and hit the roof with his fist.

Camryn, probably wanting him to cool off before she said anything, got inside the car and shut the door.

“I’ll give you two a ride back if you want,” Andrew said just before we walked past.

Bray and I discussed it with our eyes and got inside the car.

“Thanks,” I said from the backseat, but I don’t think either of them heard me.

Bray sat with her head on my shoulder the rest of the way back, but I got the feeling maybe she was mad at me. She didn’t say a word.

Andrew dropped us off at the hotel, and that was the last time we ever saw them.

We were alone again. No car, no money, no nothing.

Bray sat down on a bright yellow concrete parking space barrier, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. I sat down beside her.

“What Tate did was wrong, Bray. I had to jump in.”

“Tate didn’t do it!” she shouted, lifting her head from her hands.

“What do you mean?”

She took a deep breath and laced her fingers together, dangling between her knees. She gazed out at the half-empty parking lot.

“Tate had nothing to do with it,” she said. “Caleb did it. Tate was too busy with Jen to even notice what Caleb had done.”

“Wait—how do you know this?” What I really wanted to ask was, You knew about this? But I was too busy trying to make myself believe that couldn’t possibly be the truth.

Bray wouldn’t look at me. “I saw Caleb do it,” she said, even though I could tell she didn’t want to. “He walked around dropping something in everyone’s drinks.”

I stood up. It took me a long moment, but I finally said, “How could you know this and not tell anyone?” I was extremely pissed off, I felt so betrayed, but I was doing whatever I could to hold it all inside. As much as I loved her, I wanted to walk away from her right then. I began to pace.

“I know I f**ked up, Elias. I know and I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight—”

“Yah think?!” My head reared back and my hands dropped at my sides. “Bray, you should’ve told me! Jesus Christ!” I threw my hands up above me. “I went to jail once because of this very same thing! Or did you forget about that?”

She started crying, burying her face in her hands. I wasn’t about to console her, not this time. This was almost unforgivable.

“I can’t take back what I did,” she said, her voice strained by tears. “And I can’t make you believe me when I tell you I didn’t say anything because it didn’t seem like a big deal. I was fried. I’d drunk a lot. I. Fucked. Up.” She stood up from the concrete barrier and threw her hands up in the air. “I made a bad decision! It definitely wasn’t my first, and you know it won’t be my last!”

“You’re right,” I interrupted. “It wasn’t your first. Two weeks ago you accidently caused a girl’s death. And you didn’t want to report it. That was one of the biggest mistakes you ever made in your life.”

She stood with her mouth agape.

“It was your idea!” she shrieked. “You had just as much to do with me running as I did! Don’t you dare put this all on my shoulders!”

She shoved the palms of her hands against my chest, but not with enough strength to knock me over. “God damn it, Elias!”

I grabbed her by the elbows. “Stop screaming!” I screamed back at her. I shook her and then my voice calmed and I said with more composure, “Just calm down. You’re right. I’m as much to blame. I shouldn’t have said that to you.”

She let out a long, unsteady breath and then she dropped her head between her shoulders.

“What are we going to do now?” she said, her voice strained with worry

I pulled her body against mine and wrapped her in my arms. “There’s nothing else we can do except go home.”

“But I’m scared,” she said, the side of her face pressed against my chest muscles. “I’m so scared…”

“I know,” I whispered and squeezed her gently. “But we can’t keep doing this, especially with nothing but the clothes on our backs. We can go back now. Maybe it’s not too late.”

On the outside, it appeared I was only thinking of our current situation. But on the inside, where Bray couldn’t hear, I was thinking a lot about getting her some help. Every day the decisions she chose to make were becoming more irrational. I knew that I couldn’t help her on my own, that as much as I wanted to be able to, that even as deeply as I loved her, it would never be enough to save her from herself. Something dark began to grow inside of me, a frightening feeling that I couldn’t quite read but I knew was very tragic.

Just then, Tate’s black Jeep came humming through the parking lot toward us. Bray pulled away from me and stood at my side, her hand clenched tight within mine. I wasn’t up for any more fighting, and I was prepared to surrender and let Tate and Caleb know that.

Tate put the Jeep in Park and hopped out, leaving the motor running.

“Look, Tate,” I said, putting up one hand, “I’m not going to fight you anymore. I did what I had to do back there and I’m not apologizing for it, either, but I’m done fighting.”

Tate shook his head and laughed gently. “I’m not here to fight you, man,” he said. “I came to pick the two of you up. Though I gotta admit, I thought you’d be long gone with the tattoo twins by now.”

Bray and I glanced at one another. I was confused.

“No hard feelings,” Tate said. “You were in the right, and I admit it. We shouldn’t have done that without you knowing about it. If it was me, shit, man, I would’ve went off on you too.”