Sun God Seeks…Surrogate? (Accidentally Yours #3)(60)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

She added, “This will free his immortal essence and divine light to travel on—perhaps back to his humanlike body. Or perhaps to the cenote.”

Guy glared at Fate. “And if you are wrong? We know nothing of the Maaskab’s magic that created this mess. Dark energy is erratic; it has a mind of its own.”

She shrugged. “I’m a Fate. I’m never wrong. And if I am wrong, it is meant to be. Ergo, not wrong.”

Resist rolling eyes. Resist rolling eyes.

“Hey, here’s a question,” I said dryly. “Why not mention this earlier?”

Again she shrugged. “Because Fate was not ready to speak.”

Going to smack her. Going to smack her.

“Kinich, what do you think? I mean, breaking the bond sounds dangerous,” I said.

Several moments passed. “Yes. Whatever the Maaskab did to me and to my human form is a magic unlike any other. But I have no choice. We cannot exist like this—two souls in one body—and I am prepared to accept whatever the outcome is. You will break the bond.”

CHAPTER 32

An hour after the meeting, unable to make the jagged pieces of my emotional puzzle fit together, I found myself staring at Kinich’s sleeping form. I stroked the tendrils of his golden brown locks. They seemed to glow, as if soaking up the midday sun pouring through the window.

I was furious for what he’d said about Payals, but I was heartbroken that he’d chosen his role over my feelings. The fact that he’d said he couldn’t help it, did nothing for me. It still hurt. I guess a part of me had erroneously believed his feelings for me—whatever those were—would be stronger than his divine instincts or his seventy thousand years of deity baggage, which included the belief that he and I could never work out.

But his feelings for me weren’t enough. I wasn’t…enough. In fact, he wanted to risk it all simply to separate himself from me. And the truth was, I felt terrified I’d end up alone again. I wasn’t strong enough to survive in this new world I’d been dragged into.

I slipped off my red headband and ran my hands through my now shorter hair. Oddly enough, I missed it. I missed my mother, my life, and my stupid hair. And now I would miss Kinich being so close; he was part of me and I liked it. Way too much.

My eyes gravitated toward the large glass doors with a view of the patio and never-ending stretch of desert beyond. “You must really hate being stuck inside a lowly Payal,” I mumbled under my breath.

“No, Penelope. How can you say such a thing after all that has passed between us?”

“How can I not?” I whispered.

“I’ve told you before, my feelings for you are…complicated.”

“Ugh! What does that even mean, Kinich?”

“It is as I’ve said before; I am incapable of the commitment you deserve and need because my personal desires will always play second to protecting the human race—a race that includes you.”

For some reason, an image of the orphans from his album flashed in my mind. We’d never spoken about them—after all, I’d been snooping through his things (oopsies)—but a person didn’t devote themselves to such acts of kindness unless they held a deep sense of commitment, a commitment he claimed he was incapable of giving.

No, there was no one in this world more committed than Kinich. So what was the real problem?

“Exactly what kind of commitment do you think I need?”

“The kind a man gives a woman. The kind where he promises to love her above all others.”

But I didn’t need that, did I?

Okay. Christ. Maybe I did. Or, maybe I just needed to know he loved me and that would be good enough. I really didn’t know anymore.

I sighed. We both kept moving in impossible circles. “Well, then, let’s get you on your way.”

“Penelope, I want you to know…”—he paused—“being so close to you has been a gift. It has allowed me to see into your heart and discover what a beautiful creature you truly are. You have a sense of purpose much greater my own, which humbles me. But understand, I have a destiny to fulfill, as do you.”

“Destiny? Me?” The only thing in my destiny was finding my mother then having a long, hot bath, eating a box of doughnut holes, and having a chick flick marathon.

“Yes. You. And nothing else matters.”

“Sounds pretty heavy. Mind sharing what this mysterious destiny of mine is?”

“I do not know.”

Great. “Do you at least know yours?”

Several moments passed before he answered. “I believe so.”

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“No.”

Shocker.

“But do we have to break the bond? It feels so risky?” What if he didn’t come out of this alive?

“I’m afraid so.”

“Maybe they’ll capture a Maaskab and we can find out how to undo this”—oh heck, what do I call it without sounding like a cornball? Hex? Spell…Ugh! Who cares—“thingamabob”—jeez. Nice one, Pen—“they’ve done to us.”

“We cannot wait. If there’s a chance I will gain back my form, I must take it. I suspect the Great War is coming sooner than anyone anticipates and my help will be needed to win. And win we must. I could not bear to watch the world fall into its descent and you along with it.” He paused for a moment. “I cannot stomach the thought of anything happening to you.”

The walls crumbled just then. His confession only deepened my love for him.

Well, dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! “You had to go and say that, didn’t you? Right when I was getting ready to hate you forever.”

He chuckled. “Ahhh. There she is. My sweet Penelope. Ready to create levity in the face of any situation—even something as difficult as this.”

“That’s how I roll.”

Yes, I was making light, but only because I felt terrified and didn’t want him to know. Then I realized something: I needed to put my faith in this love—regardless of how complicated, bizarre, or irrational it seemed—and I had to put my faith in him.

With time, maybe we’d find the answers to the real reason I walked this earth. Perhaps that reason would resolve his inner conflict. In any case, there was no other choice for us but to move forward. To follow our destinies. Doughnut holes included.

“Say it, Penelope. Say it before we lose our nerve.”

I balled my fists. You can do this. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Have faith. Have…“Are you sure?”