Surprise Delivery (Page 33)

“What’s wrong with her, Bri?” I ask. “What –”

“She’s fine, hon,” she soothes me. “It’s a precaution. I promise you.”

Seeing my baby in that machine, looking so weak and frail, sends a deep, searing pain through my heart. I find myself desperate to hold her, to feel her warm, delicate body pressed to mine. I want to breathe her in, listen to her cries, and pour my love out all over her.

“Is she in pain?” I ask.

Bri shakes her head. “Not at all,” she replies. “She might be slightly underweight, but once she gets out of the incubator and starts nursing regularly, she’s going to put on the pounds quickly. I promise you that.”

That sends a calming wave of relief rushing through me. I want nothing more than for my baby girl to be healthy and live a long, normal, active life.

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Bri asks.

It’s a good question and one I’ve been kicking around for a while. I must have tried on a thousand different names but found that a lot of them just didn’t roll off my tongue all that easily. And as I sit there looking at my girl, I run through those names in my head and realize they don’t really fit her anyway. She’s not a Robin or a Rachel. She’s definitely not a Holly or a Brianna.

No, she’s unique, and she deserves to have a unique, beautiful name.

“I was thinking about calling her Aurora,” I smile.

A wide smile crosses Bri’s face. “Aurora,” she replies. “It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.”

“Just like her,” I say, my eyes riveted to my daughter.

We watch her in silence for a few moments as I continue to absorb the enormity of the fact that I have a baby. I have a daughter. It’s a thought that fills me with the brightest joy I’ve ever known. And also, if I’m being honest, the darkest, deepest fear as well. The emotions swirling around inside of me are as powerful as they are complex, and I don’t know how to go about making heads or tails of any of them right now.

Eventually, Sabrina wheels me back to my room and helps me climb back into bed. Once I’m situated, she sits down on the edge of the bed and takes my hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. I look up at her and can tell by the gleam in her eye and the set of her jaw that she’s got something to say.

“Out with it,” I chide her.

“You’re going to have to tell Duncan,” she says. “He should know.”

The thought of telling him that he’s the father of my child at all fills me with a powerful sense of dread. And given how cold he was to me when he came in to check up on me, it scares me even more.

“I don’t know, Bri,” I say. “Something’s going on with him. He’s pissed at me for something.”

“What do you mean?” she asks. “I saw him and believe me when I say, he was frantic and damn near out of his mind when you were in surgery.”

“Yeah, well, something’s changed since then,” I insist. “He was in my room just before you came in and I’ve felt more warmth from a glacier.”

She looks at me, her head cocked. “Really?” she asks. “I mean, he always keeps a bit of a professional distance when he’s on the job, but I never would have called him cold or anything.”

“Trust me, I almost asked you to treat me for frostbite,” I say with a rueful laugh.

“That bad, huh?”

“You don’t even know the half of it.”

She lets out a long breath. “That still doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to know that the baby is his.”

“I’m scared to tell him, Bri.”

She cocks her head again. “Why would you be scared?” she asks. “I mean, worst case scenario is that he’s not into being a dad. Okay, I get that. At least, I know him well enough to know that he’s a stand-up guy and will make sure you and his baby are well taken care of.”

“Or, it could go completely the other way,” I mumble.

“What do you mean?”

An icy fist of dread squeezes my heart as I consider the fear that’s been plaguing me. What scares me the most about it is that I don’t think it’s a fear that’s even all that irrational.

“With his money and resources – and I’m sure he’s got a very expensive lawyer on retainer – Duncan can take Aurora from me without breaking a sweat,” I say. “I have nothing, and he won’t have a hard time proving to a judge that he’s the better option to be a parent. He could take her from me, Bri. He could take her and never let me see her again.”

She pulls me into a gentle hug and strokes my hair, doing her best to soothe me.

“That’s not going to happen,” she soothes quietly. “He’s not that kind of man, Lexi. He’s a good guy. He would never deny you your rights as Aurora’s mother. Never. That much I know about him with absolute certainty.”

I shrug. “I wish I could believe that,” I sigh. “All I know is that I carried his child without telling him and when he finds out, he’s going to be pissed. Who wouldn’t be? I’m afraid that’ll make him vindictive.”

She shakes her head. “I really don’t think you have to worry about that, Lexi,” she tells me. “I’m telling you, he’s not like that.”

“People change,” I say – my first thought, of course, being Brad. “They’re not always who they say or pretend to be. And when it comes to the rich, they always win. Always. The rich have all of the rights and we poor have none.”

She falls silent and looks down at our hands. She’s still holding onto me and through that bond we share, I can almost feel the slight tremor of fear emanating from her. It’s subtle, but it’s there. On some level, she knows that I’m right.

Finally, she looks up at me. “Honestly, I don’t think that’s something you have to worry about with Duncan,” she repeats. “He’s a good man and he’s also crazy about you.”

The bigger part of me wants to believe both of those things are true – that he is a good man and that he’s crazy about me. My rational mind, though, tells me that while the former may yet still be true, the latter is most assuredly not.

Does he deserve to know he has a child walking this world? Of course. Am I going to tell him that he does? The jury is still out on that question.

Nineteen

Duncan

“You’re doing great, Miss Soto,” I say. “I’ll check in on you again later.”

“Thank you, Doctor Clyburne.”

I leave her room and head down the corridor, stopping at the nurse’s station to fill out a little paperwork before continuing on my rounds. I’ve had my privileges restored and have been back in the regular rotation for a few weeks now. It’s been helpful to get myself back into a normal routine.

I’m not a guy who does particularly well without a routine – especially not when there’s a lot going on inside my head. I need the order and structure a routine provides when I’m surrounded by chaos. It allows me to keep from obsessing on what’s going on around me and focus on what’s important.

I know myself well enough to know that the underlying issue is my need for control. I like to be in total control of myself and my surroundings. Some call me a control freak because of it, but it’s a trait common enough among people in high-pressure professions – doctors, lawyers, politicians, corporate CEO’s. I think that ability to hyper-focus on what we do – as well as maintain control not just of ourselves, but unexpected situations that arise – is a necessary trait to have if we hope to be effective in our positions.

“It’s good to have you back, Doctor Clyburne.”

I look up at Cindy, one of the ER nurses, who’s holding down the station for now. I give her a smile and a nod.

“Thanks, Cindy,” I say. “It’s good to be back.”

I turn my attention back to the paperwork in front of me. On some levels, yeah, it does feel good to be back. Most especially because Janet finally decided to name somebody else Chief of the One-Percent Unit – albeit reluctantly, from what I heard. That freed me up to return to the ER where I personally think I do the most good. I’m not political, and I’m not a big rah-rah fundraising guy – if there’s one thing I learned over in Syria, it’s that I’m much better in the chaos and pressure of emergency, life-and-death-type situations.

So, I’m glad she found somebody else who will happily fill that role. Janet wasn’t thrilled with having to approve my transfer back to the ER, but she didn’t really have much of a choice – she has a full staff and a Chief, which means that she has no need for me. But I’m glad she didn’t put up too much of a fuss about it, all the same. For me, practicing medicine, helping people, and saving lives is what’s most important to me. And I can do that better in the ER than in the One-Percent Unit.

I slide the clipboard back to Cindy and give her a nod as I walk away from the station to check up on my next patient.

“Excuse me, Doctor Clyburne?”

I turn around at the sound of the man’s voice and am surprised to see Brad Walker walking toward me. There’s a strange expression on his face that sends a cold spike of fear straight through me. My immediate thought is that something is wrong with Alexis or the baby.

Alexis and her baby were discharged from the hospital a couple of weeks ago and since then, I haven’t had contact with her. I’ve thought about reaching out a few times, but I always stop myself. It’s not my place. She’s not with me. She’s got a new life, a new man, and a new baby. There’s just no room for me in her world anymore.