Sweet Disgrace

“It was a long time ago. Most of it’s a haze. I don’t know.”

She didn’t have time to riffle through his memory, and it was of no great importance aside from her burning curiosity, anyway. “Very well. Tell me more. Tell me about your daughter. I understand you rarely see her.”

The heartbreak that filled his eyes then almost made her start toward him, but she stood her ground. “I love that little girl more than I can ever explain. But I figure the best I can do for Alexa is provide a good life for her and stay the hell out of it.”

“She needs you.”

“My ex is remarried. Her husband’s a good guy, a stable guy. I know he’s better for Alexa than I am. So I stay away. I’m always either on the road or in the studio, anyway, and what kind of life is that for a kid? I’ve seen the other guys try to make it work. I don’t want to be like that. What kind of a hypocrite would I be, trying to teach her what’s right when I live the life I do?”

“That’s a cop-out. She’s ten years old, correct? Why don’t you at least give her the opportunity to make that decision for herself? Because I can tell you, Adam, that she misses her father. She wants her father. She sees his face on the cover of all the rock magazines and she asks her mother to buy them for her so she can at least have new pictures.”

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Oh, God. Why are you telling me this?”

“To see if you care.”

“Of course I f**king care. But she doesn’t know me anymore, she doesn’t know—” He broke off, turning away from her and facing the vacant, eerily echoing arena. She stared at his back, seeing the tension thrumming in his tall, lean frame. From the jerking motions of his arms, she figured he was furiously wiping tears off his face.

“Tell me about Melody. How do you feel about her?”

His anguished reply was little more than a whisper. “I love her. Aside from Alexa, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She tries to keep me grounded, but sometimes I think I’m too much for her to handle.”

“You’ve been together for a few years, right? How did you meet her?”

“Backstage at a show. Tulsa. She was a local girl, but the second I saw her…” He gave a small laugh. “We were huge by then, but she didn’t know who the hell I was. She was back there with a friend who’d won passes or something, looking scared to death. Nothing like the groupies usually prowling around. I could tell right away she was different. I walked up on her, acting all cool, and she gave me the brush-off. It drove me insane. I had to have her. So I got her number from her friend and harassed her until she agreed to fly out to one of our tour stops and see me.”

More memories, these far dreamier, more tranquil. Melody’s pretty face laughing at him. Telling him she loved him no matter what. Celeste blushed at the nature of some of the visions, one in particular standing out from the others: Adam telling Melody how beautiful she was as she trembled with nervousness and insecurity the first time they made love.

“I haven’t let her go since,” he went on, “but I’ve been a shit to her. I can’t believe that woman has hung in for this long. If I were her, I’d have told me to go to hell a long time ago. Looks like that’s my destination after all, isn’t it?”

She only stared silently at his back. He turned to look at her.

“Isn’t it?” he repeated. “It’s real, and I’m going there.”

“Those are the terms of your agreement, yes.”

“When? I know he said twenty years, but I don’t even remember what date that all went down.”

“The deadline is tonight. Adjusted for your current time zone, it’s just after eight p.m.”

All the breath seemed to go out of him. He looked around wildly as if seeking some exit that would take him away from all this, but there wasn’t one. Celeste approached him, arms reaching for his. “Adam. Adam, calm down.” His terror was threatening to throw them out of the dream. His chest was heaving, his eyes panicked. She gripped him hard, trying to push her calming influence into him, to give him peace. But what peace was there to be had for the damned? It wasn’t working. Every second that ticked by brought him closer to doom.

“You said you could help me…right? You said…” He struggled to catch his breath, to bring himself under control. Somehow, he managed to do it. She watched as his senses seemed to go off alert, but the shadows didn’t leave his face. His cheekbones stood out in sharp relief to the hollows of his cheeks. He shook his head with a new determination. “I don’t want to be that guy who lives however he wants only to realize at the end he’s screwed everything up and begs for forgiveness so he can squeak through the pearly gates. That ain’t me. Whatever’s about to happen, I brought it on myself.”

Oh, Adam. You have no idea what’s about to happen to you, or you wouldn’t utter those brave words. You’d cast yourself prostrate at my feet and, yes, you would beg.

He filled his lungs full, the last of his terror seeming to fold up and disappear. In his eyes, though, was a troubled knowledge that hadn’t been there before. Bravado she saw straight through.

The decision she knew she’d been working toward ever since Damael made his proposal finally solidified itself in her mind.

“You’ve made mistakes, Adam. You exercised extremely poor judgment, and you got yourself into a dire situation because of it. You aren’t perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination.” She drew a breath, knowing as soon as she spoke the words, she would be bound by them. She could almost feel Damael’s lips on hers again, feel his arms around her. Oh, God… “But I know of a way to help you, and…I’m going to do what I can.”

Hope widened his eyes, and some of the darkness faded. The dawning elation she saw there only strengthened her resolve. She would do this. One time, to save one soul, she would do this.

“I want you to listen to me,” she said firmly, increasing her grip on his arms. “If I do this for you, no more screwing up or shirking responsibility. Make amends to the people who love you. I’m going to be watching you, Adam, and after the reprieve you’ve been given, you’d better not disappoint me, or your fate at the demon’s hands might be preferable. Understood?”

It was a nice bluff, and she felt silly saying it, but it worked. Adam nodded vehemently. Celeste almost had to chuckle as he suddenly yanked her into his arms and gave her a fierce hug. She of all people knew the gift she’d just given him, and took comfort in the fact that he realized it too, as much as he could. She was too appreciative of that to be insulted at his effrontery.

“Time’s up,” said a silky voice from behind her, and she felt the fear engulf Adam whole again when he recognized it. The dream shattered around them.

Chapter Four

Celeste materialized in Adam’s bedroom to find Damael standing next to her. The two mortals were still asleep, though morning peeked between the drapes, casting a single sliver of light across the bed. Adam tossed and turned, kicking off the covers. His hair was plastered to his face with sweat.

“How long were you there?” she demanded.

Damael gave her an odd look. “I’d just arrived.”

“Did you hear what we were saying?”

“I fulfilled my end.” Though the reply was smooth, she got the curious feeling he was offended. “I arrived in time to see a very touching, tearful embrace. What was that about, anyway?”

He’d fulfilled his end. He’d also kept his word to her outside Nicolae’s house. Apparently he really hadn’t heard what she’d said to Adam about helping him, or he would be crowing about it.

She almost wished he had heard, so she wouldn’t have to be the one who instigated this. It would be far easier to succumb to his seduction than be the one doing the seducing.

Now that he was in front of her, her nerve was wavering. She’d been trying to keep his kiss out of her mind, not to mention that final moment when he’d touched her beneath her robes. The way her entire being had lit up with heat that had her dying to shed her garment and arch her nak*d body against his, just as he’d asked for back in Adam’s dressing room. If she had started thinking about that, she feared it wouldn’t have mattered what impression Adam left her with. She’d be lost.

She didn’t want to give in because of lust. She wanted to give in because Adam deserved her help. But if she tried to deny that her desire for Damael was a factor in this decision, then she would have to add lying to her list of sins.

He stood perhaps an arm’s length away. She closed the distance, reaching up to cup his face in her hands as he stared down at her. His entire countenance seemed to be one of agonized suspense, as if he were holding his breath, afraid the tiniest movement might interfere with what she was about to do.

She stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his.

And felt that shock again. Like before, it nearly threatened to throw them apart before it melted into a cocoon of warmth that enwrapped them both until it became almost unbreakable. It had been all she could do to muster the strength to pull away from him before.

For a moment, he simply yielded to her questing mouth, and then with a ragged groan he took control, pulling her closer, burying a hand in her hair, slipping his tongue between her lips.

It was a liberty he hadn’t taken before. She welcomed it. Her body came to roaring life, so desperate to join his she had the sudden ridiculous notion they’d once been two parts of a whole, separated and flung apart and polarized on the moral spectrum. Ridiculous, surely, but stranger things had happened.

She reveled in the warm mastery of his mouth until she sensed him tense up against her. His fingers gripped her shoulders and he pushed her away, holding her at arm’s length as his eyes bored into hers. They blazed the ruthless, hungry crimson that normally sent shivers of unease through her, but her body screamed to be pressed against him again. To know him, to learn what was really in his heart. She was becoming increasingly convinced he had one.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice laced with desperation.

“What you wanted me to do,” she said softly, stroking his forearms through the silky fabric of his jacket. “What I suspect you’ve wanted for centuries, and perhaps I wanted as well. But most importantly, I’m accepting your offer.”

Incredulousness filled his expression before he threw off her hands and stepped back. Without the overwhelming heat of his body near her, she felt cold. Too cold. On his face now was an expression she’d never witnessed there before, a look of…fear?

He’s afraid. As soon as her eyes widened with the stunning realization, he turned away from her, pacing several steps.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“You weren’t supposed to accept.”

Oh, God, no, he wasn’t going to do this to her now… “Wasn’t supposed to…? So it was a lie? For what? Simply to torture me, to make me think it was my fault if Adam perished?”